Got the fever

Lois demonstrating sorta how I feel right now about men.

Soooo, I didn't get the awesome amazing apartment. They rented it to friends of theirs. BUT they might have another place in that building or another place in their building (in a different neighborhood, which would blow) that would be smaller, but cheaper, so I am waiting on that. I haven't told my roommate yet but I think I really need to live alone and do some downsizing. I will still dream of 4 closets and separate rooms, though...that place was amazing.

Yes, definitely the problem with a makeout in the midst of a dry spell, plus the warmer weather, plus extra exercise, is the residual hormonal craziness that follows. Erg.

I drank a few beers with my friend E on Thursday night and texted P to test the waters for a possible part II (just what I said I didn't want) and got nowhere, plus he left town (phew) so now I am seriously considering other options. But there aren't many.

I remember my friend and college ex S went through a "Do you want to make out?" phase, where he'd just ask girls that...and that was effective for him years ago, I think he even got a girlfriend out of it! Problem is, at age 39, being in any situation where that line would be usable is ridiculously rare.

So I sit, and read CL, and match.com, and wonder what the hell to do next.

Guess I'll take my dog out.

In the grocery store

last night, when I was having a what-next conversation with drunkenmakeoutP, at one point I could have sworn he was telling me he hadn't had sex in like 4 years, but there was a loud cart guy next to me, and I pretended I didn't hear that, and he wouldn't repeat it. He's funny with the TMI about some stuff and then NEI (not enough information) about other things.

I also told him it was fine to have a mess-around thing, but not if we were just friends, and certainly not if there are more feelings involved from either party. He said he felt like we were friends with potential for more. I told him I didn't know him well enough to know if I wanted more. He asked me if I'd like to go to dinner again sometime. I said yes.


Me with one of my awesome nieces last week. I hope they are not single and struggling with ridiculousness at age 39. Seriously. Count this as my prayer about it.

He apologized for confusing things. He said he was still totally messed up from having cancer, and he had bouts of depression, and admitted to being a "liquid courage" seeker when it comes to women. And he was bummed that I/anyone thought he just made out with drunken women at every German event...but I pointed out that he had, right? And he said "Yeah, I guess I have - but only the last 3!"

It was pretty much the funniest conversation I have ever had in a crowded grocery store or anywhere else with a guy. I bet the people around me heard some funny shit.

He's going on a 10-day vacation Friday with his extremely spouse-like also single best-friend sister, so I was easy breezy about the whole thing and am looking forward to the break from thinking about him.

So the answer to what's next is that I have to keep it in my pants (did I tell you he was a great kisser and I was totally into the makeout? Well, I told him - last night from the grocery store freezer section).

And I have to not use this whole thing to start another bad-match relationship or unsatisfying FWB situation, and then I HAVE to concentrate on ME stuff. It's really hard for me in summer. I really, really want to have someone to make out with right now.

So the things I am trying to channel my frustrated energy into are:
- Garage sale that's on June 13 in which I hope to get rid of tons, TONS of my stuff!
- Moving, perhaps, if I get this new place (fingers crossed, please wish me luck)
- The research paper I still have to write about John Milton's late works and 10-12 pieces of criticism about them
- Doing a good enough job at my job that I can eventually hand off part of it to someone else if the higher powers approve. I've been swamped for 10 years and I am tired.
- Painting. I want to start for real again. (How many times have I said that?)
- Dating a few more people. Match.com, or neighborhood people, or just finding some more guys for the platter. There ARE good guys out there, I know it!
- Running. My training starts Saturday, and I have to learn to run long, long distances in a very short time to make it through the 1/2 marathon on August 2.

oh crap

So: you remember the last post? Well, now I went and made out with him - in public (!) last night. Great. Not sure what is happening now but I can tell that things are going to be interesting. And probably frustrating.

I got home super late, and was kept up by a freaking-out dog because of a storm at about 4am, and it's raining now for 3 days and I have a hangover, so I am sure I will mope and fret about it all day everyday...great. Oh and I have 2 doc appts. today, so I can't swim and get my mind off it.

Interestingly, I joined match.com a week or so ago and that is somewhat equally pathetic - though there have been some decent-seeming guys "interested" in me - I just can't bring myself to contact them. Then there are creepy guys or really old guys (WHY do the old guys like me?!) and it makes the whole thing even more daunting.

In other news, I was walking my dog about a block from my apartment and noticed a "For Rent" sign for a 3-bedroom apt. with laundry in the building on a 2nd floor for $700, which would be low enough for me to pay by myself (though I would be poorer than usual because right now I pay about 600ish) and I could finally at age 39 be roommate-free. I went to see it yesterday and met the landlady. It was really old and crusty but I could see it being GREAT with my lovin touch! And there's a great back yard and porch. Anyway, we'll see - I know she had a lot of interest. In Chicago, that rent, even with tenant-paid utilities, is outrageously cheap!

Ducks in row

Here are some gorgeous flowers and lovely purple pods that grow with them. I have no idea what thy are but I saw them on a dog walk and had to take a picture.
I am on vacation this week. I worked a 4-hour day on Monday (which I will take as flex time next week, you can be sure) but other than that, I have been free. I was supposed to clean my entire disgusting apartment and do all kinds of wonderful organizing and decorating projects, but instead, I have done a lot of lounging around, grocery shopping, laundry, internet bs, and some triathlon prep. I also gave Lois a bath. It's been wonderful so far. I think I need another couple weeks to get to the cleaning and organizing bit. Oh! And the weather has been perfect perfect perfect. Today I am getting a student (cheap) massage at the Chicago School of Massage Therapy.

I went to my last group workout last night. It was an easy run on the lakefront path for 20 minutes, with 4 30-second "accelerations" mixed in. I liked it. I biked fast to get there, ran well, and I sweated a lot. It was good. Then I biked to Lou Malnati's pizza place, where I just drank water (forgot my money and also wanted to eat the 10 tons of food I have at home) and talked with the other ladies. It's fun to be this close to the event - everyone is really excited. The coaches answered our questions and everyone had a good time. I ducked out early, before the pizza arrived, and rode home to eat soup and buttered garlic naan instead.

Yesterday I bought a new bike helmet (they check them at the triathlon) and also had my bike inspected for the race. I was worried - since working on it myself and it being so old, a hand-me-down, etc., I was sure they'd come up with all kinds of repairs I'd need to have done (and pay for) - but they said it was in great shape! Yea for bike class!

The other thing I will briefly say is that I have met two nice guys through the internet. So let's just say that things are going ok in one department - at least as an interim plan. I am still looking for Mr. Right, and am positive that he's out there somewhere. I think being - um, less distracted than I was before - will help with that search.

Film/music, food, etc.

Not much to report, but I forgot to post pics of a fabulous thing I attended last Wednesday with friends S, M, and M. It was at Millennium Park, where they were showing "A Throw of Dice"


- an amazing 1929 silent film from India. It was the U.S. premier of the film's new soundtrack by British/Indian Dj Nitin Sawhney, performed by Sawhney on keyboards, a male and female vocalist and tabla player, PLUS the entire Grant Park Symphony Orchestra. It was awesome.


Here's a lawn shot from behind where we were sitting - not as packed as I've seen for pop music shows, but still crowded nonetheless. Lovely night, too!


In other news I have been craving two things lately: random foods (see delicious tempura chicken, above, with farmer's market broccoli and brown rice) and - well - a man.

I call it being "boy-crazy," but you can call it what you will. I hope I'm not getting desperate - I think with the 6-month mark since my last - um - contact (?) fast approaching, I will get very brave, though. I'll keep you posted. With my training-limited alcohol intake of late, it should be interesting...

Now, I think I'm heading downtown for another open-water swim. Can't decide if I should ride my somewhat busted bike (bottom bracket trouble for you gearheads) or take a train...