Late night

Lois in the alley, after midnight.
For whatever slightly self-sabotaging reason, I'm up late tonight. Usually I'd be asleep at least a couple of hours ago, but the awesome thunderstorm combined with a double iced Americano from across the street after my running workout has kept me awake, online, and (though sorta tired) a little contemplative.

Yesterday was my excellent bike class but my teacher (whom I have sadly learned has a girlfriend) was sick - he thinks it's strep. So with the triathlon coming in 3 weeks, more or less, I get worried that I'll get sick or mess myself up. But I've gotten a lot done tonight, for me.

I made the lime custard part of the key lime/strawberry parfaits I'm bringing for a picnic and movie concert tomorrow night, and although it involved 15 grueling minutes of constant stirring over a double boiler in my steamy, non-air-conditioned kitchen, this dessert is going to be really good. Way better than the brownies.

(Seriously, they became a flat rock of coal. I can't bring myself to toss them because it's like art, especially with the fault line.)
I caught up with some correspondence, talked on phone to family, paid bills, revamped and reactivated one of my online dating profiles (I know, I know, but come on, it's summer! and it's been WAY too long!). I updated my (analog) date book and deleted stuff from my phone. Now I'm eating a very late "dinner" of ramen noodles and German licorice. I'll do pushups, shower, floss and sleep within a few minutes.

Ever since the memorial service Friday, I've felt a paradox - really positive and yet really bittersweet - about my life. On the one hand, I haven't achieved much of what I thought I'd have done by now, but on the other, I'm here, and I love where I am, and at 38 my life is still full of amazing possibilities.

Walking with Lois just now, at 1:30am, the air smelled so fresh - after a big summer downpour and a 93° day it's always pretty amazing - and there were bunnies out, and it was still and potent and we were the only ones moving in the whole neighborhood. It was beautiful. For those few moments, I knew how lucky I am to be alive, to have a chance at all of this, to witness everything around me. The other stuff? (Job, love life, money woes...) - matters, but all in perspective.