This, below, is a ginormous post containing my 2nd blog - and it goes from July 2004 back through June 2003. It's sparse, it's pretty boring, and it's a little whiny. I decided to delete it officially and just save the "meat" here. The pictures and links prolly won't work, but that's just fine.
Friday, July 9
hello summer...
finally, we have actual good weather here in chicago! and i haven't spent any time on the blog. i am sure i've lost all of my regular readers but that's a-ok. lots going on! none of it super exciting - well, i'm back to dating, which is good, though of course i've got a very difficult-to-read fellow on the potential list, and he sort of drives me nuts.
also, i'm exercising fairly regularly (swim and walk/runs), alone and with a woman i met online, and did a lot of quitting last month, including quitting the concert staff, which was hard but good to do. went out with a bang on a great last run of 5 shows with magnetic fields. (giant crush on john woo, too. whew!)
i have been e-mailing with 2 guys, one of whom is mr. impossible-to-read, mentioned above. the other has (temporarily?) stopped, probably due to a lengthy e-mail i sent saying that we probably wouldn't be compatible... but who knows. that's all sorta fun.
i bought some new black sandals on ebay for $15, have a real bed finally (!) and even a duvet cover, am getting into cleaning out my apartment (though it's slow going) and am having a yard sale next weekend, i bought a new bike, am trying to sell my other one. the newest is still not perfect but it's getting there. still looking for a 21" frame women's chicago schwinn suburban, so if you see one, e-mail me!
also, i'm exercising fairly regularly (swim and walk/runs), alone and with a woman i met online, and did a lot of quitting last month, including quitting the concert staff, which was hard but good to do. went out with a bang on a great last run of 5 shows with magnetic fields. (giant crush on john woo, too. whew!)
i have been e-mailing with 2 guys, one of whom is mr. impossible-to-read, mentioned above. the other has (temporarily?) stopped, probably due to a lengthy e-mail i sent saying that we probably wouldn't be compatible... but who knows. that's all sorta fun.
i bought some new black sandals on ebay for $15, have a real bed finally (!) and even a duvet cover, am getting into cleaning out my apartment (though it's slow going) and am having a yard sale next weekend, i bought a new bike, am trying to sell my other one. the newest is still not perfect but it's getting there. still looking for a 21" frame women's chicago schwinn suburban, so if you see one, e-mail me!
Tuesday, June 1
i've made it:
i officially have a stalker. and if he is reading this - GO AWAY! ("droolicious"? what the f? get a life that is not mine.)anyway, in other news, my association with a certain runner has abruptly ended due to lack of contact on his part - and the curiosity is slowly eating me up. it's only been a few days but it is very unlike him to be so silent, and i honestly am slightly worried, though until now i didn't think it would be so much of an issue at all. interesting what a little noncommunication can do. hope he's not sick or worse. i wonder if i'll ever find out what is up? i am obsessively checking e-mail. it's silly. and oddly, i listen to his internet radio station at work, so it's on now.
i also didn't hear back from my dad this weekend - or the man with a van guy - maybe there is some sort of strike on that i don't know about? god i hope not.
in other news i am having a mini spending spree - bought a lovely bike and some accoutrements (lock, tools, mirror) and even got all of the rusted, dog-urine-covered parts i needed (lock, lock holder, light holder, rear light, bell) off of my old bike, finally. still getting used to the new suburban - i think the frame is smaller and i'm not fully convinced that it will work for me. i am tall, after all. i am still keeping my eyes open for a bigger one.
i highly recommend the working bikes cooperative if you are in chicago looking for a cruiser - or road bike - and don't care if it's been well-used. they fix up and send bikes to west african countries. they rock.
yea! and for peter's birthday, we're taking the day off and going to great america! roller coasters! corn dogs! stupid warner brothers cartoon things everywhere! gurnee! cotton candy! more roller coasters! i can't wait. i put in my day off request today. now i just have to while away the workdays between now and then. it's good to have something to look forward to...esp. with lack of aforementioned runner.
cheers and happy june!
Tuesday, May 18
summer, teeth, (not wilco) oldness and leaving
summer in chicago is so amazing, and it's almost here. i just browsed the Summerdance calendar and got the country music fest brochure (too bad i have to miss headliner Willie Nelson cuz i'll be with Magnetic Fields though...) and bought an excellent new (temporary until i find my perfect schwinn 3-speed again) bike on sunday at the most fabulous neighborhood garage sale event in town, the ravenswood manor neighborhood sales, where alley after alley is packed with people selling off their posessions, plants, furniture, cars even, everything. it's always this second weekend in May which makes it direct competition for the awesome camp echo craft weekend, much touted on this site. maybe i can convince the echo people to change their dates. anyway, being sick last week, which kept me from being crafty and taking outdoor showers, also allowed me to find a bike, a 5-panel wooden folding screen, a small table, two lovely plants plus a pretty pot for them, and a wad of knitting needles -- each item for less than $5. it was a gorgeous day to boot, so a wonderful walk around.
and sunday night was a kick-ass rock show featuring the back-in-action Antietam and the always superrockin 11th Dream Day. it was fun to go to that show alone and basically run into and hang out with everyone i wanted to see anyway. it gives me faith. i used to go out alone way more often and it is great. i drank too many whiskey sours, though, naturally, to celebrate the fact that i am FINALLY done taking antibiotics for the bronchial issues. it was a good night, and i saw not only my 2 secret loves who are totally taken, but 2 of my supersecret crush boys who (will also remain nameless and) are equally not gonna happen, but for other reasons. oh! we at interchange hq also got the amazing news that Tortoise (yes my favorite fellows from the sweet relief show last fall) is in for the interchange festival, thus giving me my second chance in less than 12 months to work with their brilliant selves in a benefit situation. god i love those boys. can't wait to see them on thursday at metro...!
anyway, all this summerness also makes me less sure that i want to move away from here, as (sort of) planned/dreamed/hoped, and makes me worry that soon i might be too old or comfortable to ever live anywhere else. and i want to live in other places! especially now that the debt is getting under control. that's the best news of all, blog readers: i will be paid off on all consumer debt by august 2004, and by early 2005 will be restored to responsible citizen status regarding my student loans, so the "out of debt by age 40" goal is within reach. yahoo!
the only tiny complaint of this whole long post: my teeth are feeling weird, if that means anything. it's that annoying loose tooth feeling but with no loose tooth. like an itch, but not itchy. am i going nuts? don't answer that.
and sunday night was a kick-ass rock show featuring the back-in-action Antietam and the always superrockin 11th Dream Day. it was fun to go to that show alone and basically run into and hang out with everyone i wanted to see anyway. it gives me faith. i used to go out alone way more often and it is great. i drank too many whiskey sours, though, naturally, to celebrate the fact that i am FINALLY done taking antibiotics for the bronchial issues. it was a good night, and i saw not only my 2 secret loves who are totally taken, but 2 of my supersecret crush boys who (will also remain nameless and) are equally not gonna happen, but for other reasons. oh! we at interchange hq also got the amazing news that Tortoise (yes my favorite fellows from the sweet relief show last fall) is in for the interchange festival, thus giving me my second chance in less than 12 months to work with their brilliant selves in a benefit situation. god i love those boys. can't wait to see them on thursday at metro...!
anyway, all this summerness also makes me less sure that i want to move away from here, as (sort of) planned/dreamed/hoped, and makes me worry that soon i might be too old or comfortable to ever live anywhere else. and i want to live in other places! especially now that the debt is getting under control. that's the best news of all, blog readers: i will be paid off on all consumer debt by august 2004, and by early 2005 will be restored to responsible citizen status regarding my student loans, so the "out of debt by age 40" goal is within reach. yahoo!
the only tiny complaint of this whole long post: my teeth are feeling weird, if that means anything. it's that annoying loose tooth feeling but with no loose tooth. like an itch, but not itchy. am i going nuts? don't answer that.
Thursday, May 13
it's time
to go. i love it when i make it to 5pm on thursday, don't you? i mean, there are plenty of days when i can't leave at 5, or 6, or even 7, but on these days when my work is done and i made it in before 10 (and, more importantly, before my boss) i just love the clock, my life, my short bike ride home, everything.
well, ok tonight i am still a cough machine, but at least i have time to myself. i might plant some more flowers. the window box i did plant is so pretty, and it mitigates the icky corner traffic, and is a great decorative addition to the turrett window and barack obama's mug.
who'da thought i'd be this engaged in the political realm but next weekend i am going to a conference on voter registration and political action. and the music festival i'm working on is well underway, with only a few snags and bumps in the road so far. mostly it's pretty damned exciting. we need a big yes from a big band though. anyone out there friends with beck?
ok time to go home. more freaks and geeks to watch, more flowers to plant, clothes to fold.
the wedding? well, it was lovely, really. nearly anecdote-free, actually. i will post an overview soon. maybe even a picture...
love, sarah
oh p.s. not to bring anyone down, no - just the opposite, actually: in february a local young man was struck and killed coming out of the empty bottle from a rock show. it was really tragic - the car was racing - and mainly the guy, Chris, was, by all accounts an extremely wonderful person and musician. anyway, there is a very nice site dedicated to his memory, and on it, a really wonderful testimonial at the very bottom by a woman named Meghan Raham. Read it and you'll not only wish you'd met Chris, you might even not hate friendster anymore.
well, ok tonight i am still a cough machine, but at least i have time to myself. i might plant some more flowers. the window box i did plant is so pretty, and it mitigates the icky corner traffic, and is a great decorative addition to the turrett window and barack obama's mug.
who'da thought i'd be this engaged in the political realm but next weekend i am going to a conference on voter registration and political action. and the music festival i'm working on is well underway, with only a few snags and bumps in the road so far. mostly it's pretty damned exciting. we need a big yes from a big band though. anyone out there friends with beck?
ok time to go home. more freaks and geeks to watch, more flowers to plant, clothes to fold.
the wedding? well, it was lovely, really. nearly anecdote-free, actually. i will post an overview soon. maybe even a picture...
love, sarah
oh p.s. not to bring anyone down, no - just the opposite, actually: in february a local young man was struck and killed coming out of the empty bottle from a rock show. it was really tragic - the car was racing - and mainly the guy, Chris, was, by all accounts an extremely wonderful person and musician. anyway, there is a very nice site dedicated to his memory, and on it, a really wonderful testimonial at the very bottom by a woman named Meghan Raham. Read it and you'll not only wish you'd met Chris, you might even not hate friendster anymore.
Wednesday, May 5
surprise!
the feds took $968 - my tax return - to pay my damn student loan, for which i am already in a "rehabilitation program" and paying 1/5th of my income every month. they took it without warning, and i got the letter on the VERY DAY the money was supposed to be direct-deposited into my checking acct.
ARE THEY TRYING TO KILL ME? i don't even have enough money to cover the check i wrote for hotel at the last wedding i went to, the rent check i wrote monday, or the crate and barrel registry gift i ordered, let alone the $110 insurance payment that should come through any minute, or the payment of the $500 back to the payday loan place i borrowed from last week.
it is so sucky to be poor! they are seriously trying to keep me down, even as i am trying to get things under control. i will need to sell things, or turn tricks, and quick.
AND (this is funny): i tried the whole self-tanning lotion thing to prep for the bridesmaid dress, and after only one application i have scary orange-brown blotches everywhere, mainly on the popeye part of my arms. the brand said it was "subtle" and the color is "light" and that there would be no streaks. and i was careful! so heinous. hilarious.
and to top it off, again, i have a massive cold sore that arrived today. HUGE. on my chin.
it is only 3 DAYS before my brother's lovely wedding in which i have to wear a clingy and bare-shouldered dress in a shade of green that will only exaggerate the orange-yellow-brown glow of my skin, and 3 days before hundreds of pictures will be taken of me that will be passed down for generations:
"who's that lady?"
"that's your great-aunt sarah when she was in her 30s"
"eew, what's that thing on her chin, and why does she look like an oompa loompa?"
"well, she didn't deal with stress very well, and she always did have trouble spreading lotion evenly"
but, this wedding is actually quite exciting and should be a good show. and a great family reunion.
now i'm off to return a bunch of foundation garments to marshall fields and tj maxx, then to finish my paper stuff for the wedding, then to try to sleep off this impending cold. pray for me.
ARE THEY TRYING TO KILL ME? i don't even have enough money to cover the check i wrote for hotel at the last wedding i went to, the rent check i wrote monday, or the crate and barrel registry gift i ordered, let alone the $110 insurance payment that should come through any minute, or the payment of the $500 back to the payday loan place i borrowed from last week.
it is so sucky to be poor! they are seriously trying to keep me down, even as i am trying to get things under control. i will need to sell things, or turn tricks, and quick.
AND (this is funny): i tried the whole self-tanning lotion thing to prep for the bridesmaid dress, and after only one application i have scary orange-brown blotches everywhere, mainly on the popeye part of my arms. the brand said it was "subtle" and the color is "light" and that there would be no streaks. and i was careful! so heinous. hilarious.
and to top it off, again, i have a massive cold sore that arrived today. HUGE. on my chin.
it is only 3 DAYS before my brother's lovely wedding in which i have to wear a clingy and bare-shouldered dress in a shade of green that will only exaggerate the orange-yellow-brown glow of my skin, and 3 days before hundreds of pictures will be taken of me that will be passed down for generations:
"who's that lady?"
"that's your great-aunt sarah when she was in her 30s"
"eew, what's that thing on her chin, and why does she look like an oompa loompa?"
"well, she didn't deal with stress very well, and she always did have trouble spreading lotion evenly"
but, this wedding is actually quite exciting and should be a good show. and a great family reunion.
now i'm off to return a bunch of foundation garments to marshall fields and tj maxx, then to finish my paper stuff for the wedding, then to try to sleep off this impending cold. pray for me.
Friday, April 30
shoot me
you know, it's funny being the bearer of bad news. i think really top-notch customer service people must be somewhat un-empathic, or something, because even when the receiver of the bad news takes it well, it's SO hard for me to deliver it.
see, iris dement cancelled her concert (the one she was gonna play tonight, and i was gonna produce, and damn - i needed the money), and so i am calling a chunk of the ticketholders to tell them. they're all taking it well, being kind folkies and all, but some are giving such crestfallen assent that i know they were all revved up for it. it's such a bummer. i would be just a wreck if the news i had to give was worse than this.
for me, though, it means i can a) go see graham parker if i want b) go see 'the return' at the music box if i want c) stay home or visit a special friend if i want and d) bring in my brother's wedding program to have it printed, getting one big thing done before next week is all eaten up.
happy weekend and may you never be the messenger
xosd
see, iris dement cancelled her concert (the one she was gonna play tonight, and i was gonna produce, and damn - i needed the money), and so i am calling a chunk of the ticketholders to tell them. they're all taking it well, being kind folkies and all, but some are giving such crestfallen assent that i know they were all revved up for it. it's such a bummer. i would be just a wreck if the news i had to give was worse than this.
for me, though, it means i can a) go see graham parker if i want b) go see 'the return' at the music box if i want c) stay home or visit a special friend if i want and d) bring in my brother's wedding program to have it printed, getting one big thing done before next week is all eaten up.
happy weekend and may you never be the messenger
xosd
Tuesday, April 27
so
there are too many web entities with me attached to them, and it's getting hard to figure out what to do about it all, and what to work on next. i mean, i love this blog, but find it to be daunting and scary when i haven't posted in a while. and also, design-wise - ugh. too scary to try to re-do, but too big with the fonts, and the orange - getting to me. i need to spend some real time with my own web site, and make it blog-o-licious, and more photo-licious too. as it stands i now have a fotolog, a blog, a web site...and pages off from the site with pictures and other b.s. it's digital schizophrenia, no?
if anyone has suggestions, i'd love them.
so it's nearing the big fat greek wedding. i never even told you about the shower assembly line of extravagent and expensive gifts, and getting sweaty from running up and down the platform stairs (in my teeny tiny heels no less) with box after f-ing crate and barrel box. then loading the stuff into 3 cars, two of which were very large cargo-size fancy SUVs. then going to the cousin's house to dish about the whole thing, listen to music, look at the hyde park parrots in their back yard, eat leftover koufeta (jordan almonds) brilliant cousin had the wherewithall to save from being thrown away by the caterers, and admire the unbelievable loveliness of a household with just one piece of "nambé" brand silver dishes.
i went online to see what was left from my brother's registry and it's been demolished. but i found a few things, many potholders, and some placemats, and sent it off, spending easily only 2% of what his in-law siblings will spend on them -- this at $76.00. i tell myself that i'll get them something else later, when they see what they *really* need in their apartment. who knows. like that hat i knit him...
anyway it's coming up. i got a haircut last night. i didn't lose the 25 pounds i wanted/needed to lose, or get the highlights, or do any self-tanning or rigorous scrubbing to disguise upper arm and shoulder flab, nor did i even buy the full body suction undergarments yet. i am whitening my teeth at night for the next week with these molded tray things - that's fun. and i am sure i will splurge and get a manicure and pedicure the day before -- by then my tax return will be deposited into my account and i will be done doing the garnishment penance - if for one blessed pay period. then my san antonio hotel check will go through, and i will be poor again.
so: ok. i am paying off yet another old consumer debt starting next week. it is starting to feel good, until i remember that $3K i owe my mother. is debt good, so you don't get all self-confident and happy-go-lucky, feeling like you can do anything you put your mind to? is debt a reminder of our place in the universe?
well, that's enough for the report. i'm watching 'my life without me' tonight and returning it late to the video store. and the 'freaks and geeks' dvd box set my roommate's* got is around this week, too, which is sort of like a jackpot.
*he fell asleep on the living room guest bed watching like 10 episodes last night. i had to sneak around in the morning, but it was funny. i should have taken a picture.
oh! and things are getting underway with interchange, the political progressive grassroots benefit festival i am working on with the improv jazzer guys. they are great. things are actually coming together really fast, which is good. 3 confirmed venues, 3 or more days. and i just secretly got record store and t-shirts and a couple more venues workin'. and abovementioned roommate agreed to play in some configuration. he's better than a peach.
it's a good outlook for a good summer. just have to get my bike fixed up...
love, sd
if anyone has suggestions, i'd love them.
so it's nearing the big fat greek wedding. i never even told you about the shower assembly line of extravagent and expensive gifts, and getting sweaty from running up and down the platform stairs (in my teeny tiny heels no less) with box after f-ing crate and barrel box. then loading the stuff into 3 cars, two of which were very large cargo-size fancy SUVs. then going to the cousin's house to dish about the whole thing, listen to music, look at the hyde park parrots in their back yard, eat leftover koufeta (jordan almonds) brilliant cousin had the wherewithall to save from being thrown away by the caterers, and admire the unbelievable loveliness of a household with just one piece of "nambé" brand silver dishes.
i went online to see what was left from my brother's registry and it's been demolished. but i found a few things, many potholders, and some placemats, and sent it off, spending easily only 2% of what his in-law siblings will spend on them -- this at $76.00. i tell myself that i'll get them something else later, when they see what they *really* need in their apartment. who knows. like that hat i knit him...
anyway it's coming up. i got a haircut last night. i didn't lose the 25 pounds i wanted/needed to lose, or get the highlights, or do any self-tanning or rigorous scrubbing to disguise upper arm and shoulder flab, nor did i even buy the full body suction undergarments yet. i am whitening my teeth at night for the next week with these molded tray things - that's fun. and i am sure i will splurge and get a manicure and pedicure the day before -- by then my tax return will be deposited into my account and i will be done doing the garnishment penance - if for one blessed pay period. then my san antonio hotel check will go through, and i will be poor again.
so: ok. i am paying off yet another old consumer debt starting next week. it is starting to feel good, until i remember that $3K i owe my mother. is debt good, so you don't get all self-confident and happy-go-lucky, feeling like you can do anything you put your mind to? is debt a reminder of our place in the universe?
well, that's enough for the report. i'm watching 'my life without me' tonight and returning it late to the video store. and the 'freaks and geeks' dvd box set my roommate's* got is around this week, too, which is sort of like a jackpot.
*he fell asleep on the living room guest bed watching like 10 episodes last night. i had to sneak around in the morning, but it was funny. i should have taken a picture.
oh! and things are getting underway with interchange, the political progressive grassroots benefit festival i am working on with the improv jazzer guys. they are great. things are actually coming together really fast, which is good. 3 confirmed venues, 3 or more days. and i just secretly got record store and t-shirts and a couple more venues workin'. and abovementioned roommate agreed to play in some configuration. he's better than a peach.
it's a good outlook for a good summer. just have to get my bike fixed up...
love, sd
Friday, April 16
oh my god
say cheese
Thursday, April 1
big fat greek wedding: part 1
my brother's getting married. his fiancee is totally great and i love her, truly, already.
BUT: at their ('bridal', but he was there too) shower last sunday, i have never, ever, been so stunned by the culture of people i thought i knew. first, i should say, i grew up to middle-class, ok--wasp-y, at least on one side, episcopalian, midwestern, both-working parents on the somewhat tony north shore of chicago. in that area, as those who've lived there (or seen john hughes movies) can attest, there is a lot of money around. old money; ivy-league, lovely-home and country-club money. it's a certain aesthetic of wealth: spend your money on a wonderful home and travel and education, dress well but not flashy, have a pool or a vacation cottage in door county if you can, but however you spend, do not crow about it. no big jewelry, no superflash cars, parties are catered and elegant and generally at home. original art on the walls. antiques, persian rugs, leather sofas, lots of bookshelves. hardwood floors and dark wood trim. DAR wealth. you know? that was money to me. and in our case, growing up in a few apartments and 2 homes, eventually, that was how "rich people" lived. In all other ways, besides not having hand-me-down furniture mixed in with the antiques, a few more pairs of shoes, and maybe having later-model station wagons than we did, they were the same as I was deep down.
so: what do you think of when you think of a bridal shower? i think of sitting, dressed in a skirt and blouse, at someone's home on a sunday afternoon in the living room with cups of tea or lemonade, chatting and catching up with friends, maybe eating hors d'oevres or quiche or small sandwiches or homemade desserts, and watching as the bride-to-be opens gift that include nightgowns, pretty bedroom things, homemade things, maybe a few smaller kitchen items from her registry, and the odd girly, silly gift. WELL: below is the story of the shower i attended...
the shower was held in a giant banquet hall in chicago's southwest suburbs, one you've never been to before. the sign for the "chateau del mar" is a giant billboard - visible for miles. walking into the sliding doors, the floor is a shiny, gray, veined marble, every light is a gilded chandelier, 10-foot artificial orchids stand like pillars surrounded by large artificial foliage and trees (or are they real?), and the 5 giant banquet rooms are either filled with people, set up for large events but momentarily empty, or in the midst of being turned over for the next event scheduled... they are all connected by a central catering kitchen with swiniging doors and uniformed personnel flying in and out. this is all apparent to you as you walk around the complex because each room has one wall of floor-to-ceiling glass. flowers, real and not, are everywhere. the doors to the banquet rooms, on the glass walls, are those double, auto-closing doors, as in a storefront. when you walk into the vast room, with 20+ large round, white tablecloth-covered tables, you see a long table on a stage, elevated, with two throne-like seats in the center, three seats on each side, and a microphone stand, flanked by two 10-foot speakers. in front of this 25-foot table, but on the ground, is another 25-foot, covered table which is piled two and three high/deep with very, very large packages. you place your handwrapped envelope with its homemade gift certificate inside on top of a television-sized package of purple paper. there is a fabric-lined basket decorated with fake flowers and bows, and a few envelopes are inside. in front of this table is another with two 4-foot punch bowls and plastic cups stacked neatly to each side. the table-tent before the bowl on the left says, in 72-point times new roman, "VIRGIN PUNCH" and the one in front of the right-side bowl says "SPIKED PUNCH." it is 12 noon on a sunday. facing the head table at the opposite wall is a 50- or 60-foot counter-like row of covered tables, with two of the giant irises in vases, and other plantlike things, on top. in the center of the table is a 2-1/2 foot drum-shaped white frosted cake, with flower decorations. it says the bride and groom's name, and your brother's name is spelled wrong. you take a picture anyway.
this cake is flanked by 10 cellophane-wrapped (decoratively, mind you, as in see-thru presents, until they were unwrapped at the end of the meal) platters of greek pastry desserts, 7 or 8 different kinds, each homemade but perfect piece sitting in its own cupcake paper, some with jordan almonds scattered around.
the round dining tables each have a centerpiece of painted ceramic pots filled with bath goodies from the bath and body works. in addition, at each guest's place is a small mesh pouch of 7 jordan almonds (koufeta-good luck) and a bath and body works scented hand scrub gel. you trade your freesia to get the tea/ginger one.
you feel underdressed when you give the bride a hug. she is in a formal light pink halter dress, hose, and dress heels. her hair is up and curled into falling ringlets at the back of the upswept 'do. you look down at your bare legs and strappy sandals, your unmanicured toes, and the wash and wear black short-sleeved blouse. you didn't blow-dry your hair today, and wonder if people can tell it is still damp. your shoes are cute though. you've been waiting to wear them. your cousin notices the tjmaxx sticker on the bottom of the right one, though, and you discreetly remove it.
the festivities start a full hour after the time indicated on the invitation.
the groom's family's table, where you hang out before having to climb up and sit at the bridal table, is sitting, somewhat quietly, looking around at the room and the 7 other tables of women from the bride's side, visiting with one another. there are 61 people here, but it seems like more than 100. the bride's oldest sister runs up and asks if you'd like fish or chicken. you pick fish. your paternal grandmother, driven to the shower by a sweet uncle who sits watching golf in the bar next door for the next 3 hours, can't stop marveling at the pastries, the cake, the size and number of the gifts. she is the only one verbalizing what everyone is thinking, but without the apprehension.
the soup, iceberg salad, and finally main course are brought out. it's nearly 2pm, and the hundreds of gifts haven't even been opened. as a bridesmaid, you learn that you will be a part of the "assembly line." you realize in a panic that your brother asked you to transport some of the gifts back for him, and that maybe 4 would fit in your back seat.
during the meal, you overhear two other bridesmaids talking about the bachelorette party and the quote, "absolutely no less than 5 strippers" comes floating up. you pray that you are scheduled to work that night and will have to decline the invitation. the vegetables are overdone.
to be continued...
BUT: at their ('bridal', but he was there too) shower last sunday, i have never, ever, been so stunned by the culture of people i thought i knew. first, i should say, i grew up to middle-class, ok--wasp-y, at least on one side, episcopalian, midwestern, both-working parents on the somewhat tony north shore of chicago. in that area, as those who've lived there (or seen john hughes movies) can attest, there is a lot of money around. old money; ivy-league, lovely-home and country-club money. it's a certain aesthetic of wealth: spend your money on a wonderful home and travel and education, dress well but not flashy, have a pool or a vacation cottage in door county if you can, but however you spend, do not crow about it. no big jewelry, no superflash cars, parties are catered and elegant and generally at home. original art on the walls. antiques, persian rugs, leather sofas, lots of bookshelves. hardwood floors and dark wood trim. DAR wealth. you know? that was money to me. and in our case, growing up in a few apartments and 2 homes, eventually, that was how "rich people" lived. In all other ways, besides not having hand-me-down furniture mixed in with the antiques, a few more pairs of shoes, and maybe having later-model station wagons than we did, they were the same as I was deep down.
so: what do you think of when you think of a bridal shower? i think of sitting, dressed in a skirt and blouse, at someone's home on a sunday afternoon in the living room with cups of tea or lemonade, chatting and catching up with friends, maybe eating hors d'oevres or quiche or small sandwiches or homemade desserts, and watching as the bride-to-be opens gift that include nightgowns, pretty bedroom things, homemade things, maybe a few smaller kitchen items from her registry, and the odd girly, silly gift. WELL: below is the story of the shower i attended...
the shower was held in a giant banquet hall in chicago's southwest suburbs, one you've never been to before. the sign for the "chateau del mar" is a giant billboard - visible for miles. walking into the sliding doors, the floor is a shiny, gray, veined marble, every light is a gilded chandelier, 10-foot artificial orchids stand like pillars surrounded by large artificial foliage and trees (or are they real?), and the 5 giant banquet rooms are either filled with people, set up for large events but momentarily empty, or in the midst of being turned over for the next event scheduled... they are all connected by a central catering kitchen with swiniging doors and uniformed personnel flying in and out. this is all apparent to you as you walk around the complex because each room has one wall of floor-to-ceiling glass. flowers, real and not, are everywhere. the doors to the banquet rooms, on the glass walls, are those double, auto-closing doors, as in a storefront. when you walk into the vast room, with 20+ large round, white tablecloth-covered tables, you see a long table on a stage, elevated, with two throne-like seats in the center, three seats on each side, and a microphone stand, flanked by two 10-foot speakers. in front of this 25-foot table, but on the ground, is another 25-foot, covered table which is piled two and three high/deep with very, very large packages. you place your handwrapped envelope with its homemade gift certificate inside on top of a television-sized package of purple paper. there is a fabric-lined basket decorated with fake flowers and bows, and a few envelopes are inside. in front of this table is another with two 4-foot punch bowls and plastic cups stacked neatly to each side. the table-tent before the bowl on the left says, in 72-point times new roman, "VIRGIN PUNCH" and the one in front of the right-side bowl says "SPIKED PUNCH." it is 12 noon on a sunday. facing the head table at the opposite wall is a 50- or 60-foot counter-like row of covered tables, with two of the giant irises in vases, and other plantlike things, on top. in the center of the table is a 2-1/2 foot drum-shaped white frosted cake, with flower decorations. it says the bride and groom's name, and your brother's name is spelled wrong. you take a picture anyway.
this cake is flanked by 10 cellophane-wrapped (decoratively, mind you, as in see-thru presents, until they were unwrapped at the end of the meal) platters of greek pastry desserts, 7 or 8 different kinds, each homemade but perfect piece sitting in its own cupcake paper, some with jordan almonds scattered around.
the round dining tables each have a centerpiece of painted ceramic pots filled with bath goodies from the bath and body works. in addition, at each guest's place is a small mesh pouch of 7 jordan almonds (koufeta-good luck) and a bath and body works scented hand scrub gel. you trade your freesia to get the tea/ginger one.
you feel underdressed when you give the bride a hug. she is in a formal light pink halter dress, hose, and dress heels. her hair is up and curled into falling ringlets at the back of the upswept 'do. you look down at your bare legs and strappy sandals, your unmanicured toes, and the wash and wear black short-sleeved blouse. you didn't blow-dry your hair today, and wonder if people can tell it is still damp. your shoes are cute though. you've been waiting to wear them. your cousin notices the tjmaxx sticker on the bottom of the right one, though, and you discreetly remove it.
the festivities start a full hour after the time indicated on the invitation.
the groom's family's table, where you hang out before having to climb up and sit at the bridal table, is sitting, somewhat quietly, looking around at the room and the 7 other tables of women from the bride's side, visiting with one another. there are 61 people here, but it seems like more than 100. the bride's oldest sister runs up and asks if you'd like fish or chicken. you pick fish. your paternal grandmother, driven to the shower by a sweet uncle who sits watching golf in the bar next door for the next 3 hours, can't stop marveling at the pastries, the cake, the size and number of the gifts. she is the only one verbalizing what everyone is thinking, but without the apprehension.
the soup, iceberg salad, and finally main course are brought out. it's nearly 2pm, and the hundreds of gifts haven't even been opened. as a bridesmaid, you learn that you will be a part of the "assembly line." you realize in a panic that your brother asked you to transport some of the gifts back for him, and that maybe 4 would fit in your back seat.
during the meal, you overhear two other bridesmaids talking about the bachelorette party and the quote, "absolutely no less than 5 strippers" comes floating up. you pray that you are scheduled to work that night and will have to decline the invitation. the vegetables are overdone.
to be continued...
Thursday, March 25
PHEW!
i went to my 9am cook county court appearance today, after a few days of furiously searching, in a SERIOUS panic, for the doctor's note excusing me for missing the last court date --- i mean please, on the day before i was diagnosed with pneumonia, the day i realized i was really sick and should see someone soon, the last thing i was up for was going to a courtroom, let alone leaving my bed or putting clothes on. i was a wreck.
but i lost the note promptly after receiving it, naturally, and kept thinking it'd "turn up" before the date. so last night i sifted through miles of paper for what seemed like hours when i should have been in bed or at least doing abdomen-soothing yoga poses (thanks w!). i finally found it in my bedroom, oddly loose among fake pearl beads on the floor.
this morning, i got to the courtroom on time (miracle! 9am in skokie) but almost had a coronary when the judge announced "everyone appearing in this courtroom is charged with serious offenses that can result in fines over 1,000 dollars and 30-day jail sentences. because of the serious nature, you are strongly encouraged to have a lawyer represent you. there is a public defender and a bar attorney here for consultation..." wuh waaah wuh waaah... it all faded into whirring white noise. my chest started hurting and i tried to concentrate on breathing deeply and focusing on the judge's hair. i wondered why he looked tan both times i'd been in his courtroom. i wondered how early HE got up to get there, so well-groomed. i wondered how i would know if i was having a real heart attack. i wondered if i would ever faint in my life (i haven't done so yet). i noticed that some lawyers were calling him judge, and i didn't hear "your honor" at all. he didn't look some of the attorneys in the eye, just spoke staring stright ahead. my hands were sort of shaking. here's what it says in my notebook:
3-25-04
court date (with various doodled emphasis)
30-day jail sentence?!
attorney-hire? - next date
heart attack.
i was scared shitless! i kept wondering if it was better or worse to be dressed up, or a girl, or how did my clothes look, would they think they can fine me a ton based on how i look? do i look poor enough? shit, my hair is still wet! should i smile? what if officer yorty showed up? will they make me hire counsel? i i checked out the public defender and decided i'd use her if i had to, rather than paying some guy - she was in her mid 40s - short, squat, dressed in a blue suit with graying brown hair pulled into a low-maintenance ponytail. she bustled when she crisscrossed from the "pews" up to the podium. but her navy pumps matched her suit in fabric and color exactly, and her pantyhose were dark and unobtrusive, so somehow that made me trust and even like her.
i was freaking out, remember.
so when my name was finally called i went up to the podium and the minutes just flew - he asked about everything - for proof - which i had very well organized, i must say, each ticket clipped to the supporting documentation, so as he rattled each charge off, starting with why i missed my last date, i just handed them over one by one to the (very cute and very young) prosecutor, who, at the end, whispered "looks good- you've got eveything here - good job!" and gave me a dashing, fresh-out-of-law-school smile. when the judge said the word "dismissed" i just turned and robotically sailed out of the room, not hearing anything else, and remembering only later that i probably should have gotten something in writing, and damn, i was supposed to exit through the side door. but by then i was running through the parking ramp to my car. no one called my name or followed me, so i went.
i have never been so relieved. and glad that at times, i can be very well-organized and very presentable. it felt good. xosd
but i lost the note promptly after receiving it, naturally, and kept thinking it'd "turn up" before the date. so last night i sifted through miles of paper for what seemed like hours when i should have been in bed or at least doing abdomen-soothing yoga poses (thanks w!). i finally found it in my bedroom, oddly loose among fake pearl beads on the floor.
this morning, i got to the courtroom on time (miracle! 9am in skokie) but almost had a coronary when the judge announced "everyone appearing in this courtroom is charged with serious offenses that can result in fines over 1,000 dollars and 30-day jail sentences. because of the serious nature, you are strongly encouraged to have a lawyer represent you. there is a public defender and a bar attorney here for consultation..." wuh waaah wuh waaah... it all faded into whirring white noise. my chest started hurting and i tried to concentrate on breathing deeply and focusing on the judge's hair. i wondered why he looked tan both times i'd been in his courtroom. i wondered how early HE got up to get there, so well-groomed. i wondered how i would know if i was having a real heart attack. i wondered if i would ever faint in my life (i haven't done so yet). i noticed that some lawyers were calling him judge, and i didn't hear "your honor" at all. he didn't look some of the attorneys in the eye, just spoke staring stright ahead. my hands were sort of shaking. here's what it says in my notebook:
3-25-04
court date (with various doodled emphasis)
30-day jail sentence?!
attorney-hire? - next date
heart attack.
i was scared shitless! i kept wondering if it was better or worse to be dressed up, or a girl, or how did my clothes look, would they think they can fine me a ton based on how i look? do i look poor enough? shit, my hair is still wet! should i smile? what if officer yorty showed up? will they make me hire counsel? i i checked out the public defender and decided i'd use her if i had to, rather than paying some guy - she was in her mid 40s - short, squat, dressed in a blue suit with graying brown hair pulled into a low-maintenance ponytail. she bustled when she crisscrossed from the "pews" up to the podium. but her navy pumps matched her suit in fabric and color exactly, and her pantyhose were dark and unobtrusive, so somehow that made me trust and even like her.
i was freaking out, remember.
so when my name was finally called i went up to the podium and the minutes just flew - he asked about everything - for proof - which i had very well organized, i must say, each ticket clipped to the supporting documentation, so as he rattled each charge off, starting with why i missed my last date, i just handed them over one by one to the (very cute and very young) prosecutor, who, at the end, whispered "looks good- you've got eveything here - good job!" and gave me a dashing, fresh-out-of-law-school smile. when the judge said the word "dismissed" i just turned and robotically sailed out of the room, not hearing anything else, and remembering only later that i probably should have gotten something in writing, and damn, i was supposed to exit through the side door. but by then i was running through the parking ramp to my car. no one called my name or followed me, so i went.
i have never been so relieved. and glad that at times, i can be very well-organized and very presentable. it felt good. xosd
Friday, March 19
flicks
i saw a great movie last night and a terrible movie right afterward. luckily, we didn't pay for the terrible one, and luckily, johnny depp is cute, and john turturro is a great character actor. otherwise, we'd've been sleeping, or gone. i need to read something good. please send recommendations if you have them.
it's friday. i have so many non-work things to do today that all i can think about is leaving to go do them, though i'll pay later if i skip out now. as those of you who know me can attest, often that is a worthwhile tradeoff for me, but i have a sinking feeling about this one. i will set one work goal to complete and then when i complete it, go do errands. how's that? happy weekend... xosd
it's friday. i have so many non-work things to do today that all i can think about is leaving to go do them, though i'll pay later if i skip out now. as those of you who know me can attest, often that is a worthwhile tradeoff for me, but i have a sinking feeling about this one. i will set one work goal to complete and then when i complete it, go do errands. how's that? happy weekend... xosd
Wednesday, March 17
ay carumba!
i can't tell you how tired i am all the time. so, so very tired now. i've been at work all day and night - well since 11am - and can't seem to leave. i created the "directions" card for my brother's wedding invitations and met with him and his fiancée so they could approve and choose the paper and tweak and ask my opinion but not use it. i have never seen a man (and my sports-watching, 30-year-old attorney brother at that) so damn interested in his wedding details. it's pretty funny. next is the program - don't have to work on that for a little while, but i am buying the paper tomorrow.
made a dental appointment, made a doctor's appointment. didn't do much else today. talked on the phone, promised to do things i didn't do yet. there is always tomorrow.
xosd
made a dental appointment, made a doctor's appointment. didn't do much else today. talked on the phone, promised to do things i didn't do yet. there is always tomorrow.
xosd
Tuesday, March 16
crafty ladies
Monday, March 15
today i caught
myself waiting for something i said i wouldn't. went through a wave of awful feelings, and now it's over. phew. must not slip back.
Sunday, March 14
don't know why
but i was really feeling shitty about being excluded from a friendship of someone i don't even respect or want in my life. it must be cycle-related, or something about being tired, right?
erg.
truth is, being lonely doesn't really help either. and feeling really out of control of that loneliness. that's the kicker.
those of us who are cursed with wanting true connections should not also be given traits like sensitivity, intuition, and ethics. i am serious. curse is not used lightly here. i hope someone is taking notes.
in other news, i finally got a frizeaking laptop and signed up for DSL at home, which should kick in next week, by which time i might have actually figured this machine (iBook G4) out. it is pretty sweet, i must say.
i'm gonna bite the bullet too and apply for a city job i don't really want, but one that'd be a good thing for me, financially and network-y. i'll update when all of this happens. take care. xosd
erg.
truth is, being lonely doesn't really help either. and feeling really out of control of that loneliness. that's the kicker.
those of us who are cursed with wanting true connections should not also be given traits like sensitivity, intuition, and ethics. i am serious. curse is not used lightly here. i hope someone is taking notes.
in other news, i finally got a frizeaking laptop and signed up for DSL at home, which should kick in next week, by which time i might have actually figured this machine (iBook G4) out. it is pretty sweet, i must say.
i'm gonna bite the bullet too and apply for a city job i don't really want, but one that'd be a good thing for me, financially and network-y. i'll update when all of this happens. take care. xosd
Friday, March 5
from my cousin in our nation's capitol:
____
Ok, this is making the rounds here in Washington
. . . If you have a
workplace that is open, you might want to turn
down your speakers due to
language . . .
save america
____
(enjoy!)
Ok, this is making the rounds here in Washington
. . . If you have a
workplace that is open, you might want to turn
down your speakers due to
language . . .
save america
____
(enjoy!)
Thursday, March 4
long days
here's something i am realizing lately: if i get to work at 11, and leave at 7 (comme aujourd-hui), the day seems so much longer and more heinous than if i get here at 9 and leave at 5. even if i e-mail t all day long about self-improvement techniques and art show ideas.
it *seems* like i am doing myself a huge favor in the morning; sleeping in, or sorting, or doing whatever i do in the morning before work, but it's a ruse. getting outta here at a decent time is so much more valuable.
it's raining out now, but in the next couple of days i will need to get my bike situation all squared away; bike #1 photographed and on sale online (i loves me some craigslist), and bike #2 all fixed up. i haven't lost the 10 pounds i had hoped to by now, so bike season is that much more important.
can i just say, too, that people don't believe me when i tell them what i weigh (not that i talk about very often). would i lie upward? um, no. but i am getting more than uncomfortable at this weight so it is time to get going for real. too bad whenever i'm low on energy i want candy...
i have to have a hepatic function test next week. hmm, just thought of this: what if they say i can't drink again? i don't do it that much anyway, i guess, but that would be a bummer. i never really went on a bender...
and with the lung trouble, yeesh, no stinky grass, not that that's a big loss. i'll have to do bungee jumping or marathon running or something - be one of those people who are "high on life." (ugh.)
i am taking a vacation day next week to work as a temp at another job that pays $15 and hour. (is that sad? don't answer.) it will be much more fun because i am gonna be organizing stuff and painting and building shelves. yea!
xoxosd
it *seems* like i am doing myself a huge favor in the morning; sleeping in, or sorting, or doing whatever i do in the morning before work, but it's a ruse. getting outta here at a decent time is so much more valuable.
it's raining out now, but in the next couple of days i will need to get my bike situation all squared away; bike #1 photographed and on sale online (i loves me some craigslist), and bike #2 all fixed up. i haven't lost the 10 pounds i had hoped to by now, so bike season is that much more important.
can i just say, too, that people don't believe me when i tell them what i weigh (not that i talk about very often). would i lie upward? um, no. but i am getting more than uncomfortable at this weight so it is time to get going for real. too bad whenever i'm low on energy i want candy...
i have to have a hepatic function test next week. hmm, just thought of this: what if they say i can't drink again? i don't do it that much anyway, i guess, but that would be a bummer. i never really went on a bender...
and with the lung trouble, yeesh, no stinky grass, not that that's a big loss. i'll have to do bungee jumping or marathon running or something - be one of those people who are "high on life." (ugh.)
i am taking a vacation day next week to work as a temp at another job that pays $15 and hour. (is that sad? don't answer.) it will be much more fun because i am gonna be organizing stuff and painting and building shelves. yea!
xoxosd
Sunday, February 29
Oscar night, with Ellis Marsalis
usually i would be watching the academy awards - actually would normally prefer to be hosting my tiny gala gathering with p., but he was singing tonight, and i've been out sick from so many weekends that i said yes to a shift - the ellis marsalis trio show, with that doll jason on drums. ellis and jason and bill got here late from milwaukee, got lost on the way here from the hotel, and made it to soundcheck an hour and a half before showtime - but - not dressed for the show. so our production director drove them back to the hotel way in the burbs, where they all showered and changed and got back to start the show only 20 mins. late. it was excellent. the jazz fans are so mellow - even though they forked over 35 bucks, i didn't hear one single complaint about time. if this were a folky or world music crowd...? i'd be fighting with annoying customers still, right now, and would be drinking my third or fourth glass of wine.
so: now i've been looking for jobs online and there just is nothing in chicago. i'll apply for a couple in d.c. that look good, and keep my eye out for real one here in town, but it's looking more and more like i need to make a decision and go back to school for something...
ok, much love to all who are reading this, and i gotta go pay mr. m.
xosd
so: now i've been looking for jobs online and there just is nothing in chicago. i'll apply for a couple in d.c. that look good, and keep my eye out for real one here in town, but it's looking more and more like i need to make a decision and go back to school for something...
ok, much love to all who are reading this, and i gotta go pay mr. m.
xosd
Tuesday, February 24
new year
and a new blog is in the works. i'm gonna give it a makeover. topics to come: weddings, why policemen love barbecue, and the prime of life. see you soon. xoxosd
Thursday, February 5
note to readers: pop-blog is my venting place. i am extra whiny here so i won't have to hold on to those thoughts and/or ruminate about them to precious friends and family. i try to be positive in real life. really. if the venting and working out of troubles on this site bothers you, just don't read it. i am not trying to pick up fans, friends or dates here. the beauty of the blog is that each one's style, use or meaning - or reader/response relation - is slightly different, and even within one blog, these can change per post or week or season. it's a mutable, "live"-but-ultimately dead record of one moment in one dimension - mitigated by fingers and words and technology - of the thoughts of a complex human being you may or may not know in some other context.
so, now that that's all tidied up: i heard that "the life of david gale" got some bad reviews, but i recently rented it and thought it was great. also excellent is "kandahar," about women in afghanistan. i regretfully will not be able to rent films for the next few days, possibly weeks, and it is giving me anxiety.
as is the big fat greek wedding. i am looking into scheduling some greek dancing lessons for the entire non-greek side of my family so we're not totally shown up (well, we will surely be that. ok; not humiliated) on the big day. i am picturing my big northern-european-lookin' stepfather and mother and giant cousins trying to do it and the visuals alone will be worth any cost or trouble of arranging it.
i am officially watching my weight and it's sorta fun keeping track. i forget that it feels powerful or something.
and i can't wait til it's bike weather. can't wait!...
so, now that that's all tidied up: i heard that "the life of david gale" got some bad reviews, but i recently rented it and thought it was great. also excellent is "kandahar," about women in afghanistan. i regretfully will not be able to rent films for the next few days, possibly weeks, and it is giving me anxiety.
as is the big fat greek wedding. i am looking into scheduling some greek dancing lessons for the entire non-greek side of my family so we're not totally shown up (well, we will surely be that. ok; not humiliated) on the big day. i am picturing my big northern-european-lookin' stepfather and mother and giant cousins trying to do it and the visuals alone will be worth any cost or trouble of arranging it.
i am officially watching my weight and it's sorta fun keeping track. i forget that it feels powerful or something.
and i can't wait til it's bike weather. can't wait!...
Wednesday, February 4
do you ever have the icky feeling that you just hate to be in the same room as someone, or just dread going somewhere with all of your mind and body?
that is me at work, every day. nothing makes me feel good about it. nothing makes me want to be here. everything is full of bad feelings and guilt and worry.
i really need to find a new job. what happens when you are being garnished and you quit?*
*hypothetical, wondering-out-loud question.
that is me at work, every day. nothing makes me feel good about it. nothing makes me want to be here. everything is full of bad feelings and guilt and worry.
i really need to find a new job. what happens when you are being garnished and you quit?*
*hypothetical, wondering-out-loud question.
Tuesday, February 3
it's that i am just not wanting to be at work for anytime longer than i have to, and i have no computer at home - not that i don't love to blog and pour out my secrets and have people know all of my crazy troubles.
lately worrying me: i have to be a bridesmaid this spring, and to be that, i have to wear a probably strapless dress, which, if anyone knows what it is like to be a big-boned, pale-skinned and naturally curvy gal of 5'8" in your mid-thirties, is a nightmare horror. i have seen some of the suggested dresses for us (there are like 10 bridesmaids - no, 7? maybe 8) and am gonna scream. i sent the others (and the bride, my future sister-in-law) this pdf and i can tell that no one liked the suggestions, but i hope it gives the bride, Dina, ideas, so we're not locked into the whole evil strapless idea.
and now my wages are being garnished, which is humiliating and worrisome as well - not sure quite how i will make it on 405 less per month. watch for details here.
i did spend every last dime at ikea last weekend on storage shelving for my yarn/knitting stuff, and on those gellin'-like-magellan insoles (on sale! and tina says they are like tiny foot orgasms) and a heating pad for my earache. it felt really good to spend money, i hate to say. i must relish that memory while it is fresh.
oh and i'm adding the moveon.org site to my links soon, which i urge you all to check out. thanks amy for sending the censure bush petition. i even signed up to volunteer. and should i dare standing on my (very busy) corner with a dork-ass howard dean sign ("i am howard dean's special interest") this weekend? it all depends on my cold sore and earache heal time and housework schedule.
so today i have to actually get some work done. must run, love to all - xosd
lately worrying me: i have to be a bridesmaid this spring, and to be that, i have to wear a probably strapless dress, which, if anyone knows what it is like to be a big-boned, pale-skinned and naturally curvy gal of 5'8" in your mid-thirties, is a nightmare horror. i have seen some of the suggested dresses for us (there are like 10 bridesmaids - no, 7? maybe 8) and am gonna scream. i sent the others (and the bride, my future sister-in-law) this pdf and i can tell that no one liked the suggestions, but i hope it gives the bride, Dina, ideas, so we're not locked into the whole evil strapless idea.
and now my wages are being garnished, which is humiliating and worrisome as well - not sure quite how i will make it on 405 less per month. watch for details here.
i did spend every last dime at ikea last weekend on storage shelving for my yarn/knitting stuff, and on those gellin'-like-magellan insoles (on sale! and tina says they are like tiny foot orgasms) and a heating pad for my earache. it felt really good to spend money, i hate to say. i must relish that memory while it is fresh.
oh and i'm adding the moveon.org site to my links soon, which i urge you all to check out. thanks amy for sending the censure bush petition. i even signed up to volunteer. and should i dare standing on my (very busy) corner with a dork-ass howard dean sign ("i am howard dean's special interest") this weekend? it all depends on my cold sore and earache heal time and housework schedule.
so today i have to actually get some work done. must run, love to all - xosd
Tuesday, January 27
i love ivan
because ivan, the mechanic at california auto, called me tonight and my car is perfectly fine and it passed the emissions test! I'm picking up old girl tomorrow.
i've never properly named the car, and i think that is a big part of these problems. i will be taking submissions of car names, and remember: it's a girl. please send your suggestions! edna? bev? marjorie? billie? please send your suggestions as a comment or an e-mail. i should put up a picture, huh?
yahoo! yea ivan! (he's kind of sexy too but maybe that's just the whole mechanic thing.)
yea yea yea. and only $205 too. (yes, they charge labor plus the $75 consult fee but they did a lot, calling the epa, calling mazda national hq, taking it down for the test, etc.)
i am so relieved. i plan to have one of the body damage things (maybe the door? and the side mirror..?) fixed in honor of this wonderful news.
my license being unsuspended; now that is another story. i don't exactly know how that works and must look it up now.
love, s
because ivan, the mechanic at california auto, called me tonight and my car is perfectly fine and it passed the emissions test! I'm picking up old girl tomorrow.
i've never properly named the car, and i think that is a big part of these problems. i will be taking submissions of car names, and remember: it's a girl. please send your suggestions! edna? bev? marjorie? billie? please send your suggestions as a comment or an e-mail. i should put up a picture, huh?
yahoo! yea ivan! (he's kind of sexy too but maybe that's just the whole mechanic thing.)
yea yea yea. and only $205 too. (yes, they charge labor plus the $75 consult fee but they did a lot, calling the epa, calling mazda national hq, taking it down for the test, etc.)
i am so relieved. i plan to have one of the body damage things (maybe the door? and the side mirror..?) fixed in honor of this wonderful news.
my license being unsuspended; now that is another story. i don't exactly know how that works and must look it up now.
love, s
Monday, January 26
it's gonna be a long day i think. not sure whether i'm working at job #2 but i would guess yes, so i'm gearing up for a late night. slept a bit more than usual yesterday, though still am behind by hours and hours.
...ok i am in good spirits again, owing mostly to being back in communication with excellent friends. hopefully this will last but i must mention my disappointment that a) not one guy has responded to my salon.com personal ad, which i put back up over the weekend (whomever thinks it it easy for women to meet guys is utterly mistaken) b) my car is still in the shop, with apparently nothing wrong except one single OBD sensor that's "not ready" and the mechanic is waiting for a calls back from the epa and the mazda corporation to know how to reset it c) my salary adjustment was less than i had asked for, so i am still significantly below my colleagues and expected to perform the same amount and type of work with a smile and, as w. perfectly described, "feel professional" despite this fact. i'll try.
but it's an extra $100 or so a month, and i'm counting on that to keep me out of the amercash payday loans place.
i ordered delicious thai food last night at about 9:30pm (veg/chicken drunken noodles, extra order steamed veg, and a thai iced tea), and two weird things happened:
i placed my order and said i'd pay with cash, and the man at duck walk thai (cute menu, never been to actual place) said, "you pay with cash? ok. ok, 45 minutes to 1 hour. thank you" and hung up. that sounded long to me but i decided it was a perfect time to take my shower and get into actual pajamas, not the half-an-outfit of clothing i was still wearing from the night/morning before. so 15 minutes later, and about 4 minutes into my shower (all soapy, hair not yet washed, one line of shaving on one leg complete), the doorbell rang and my roommate yelled "your food's here!", and i was so mad! and i can't tell you how annoyed and confused it made me... do i get out now and just run down all drippy and get back in? do i try to tell s. where in the abyss of my room my wallet is? no, i thought, i will let the delivery guy leave, or stand there, or not even get my money until 45 minutes have passed.
instead, my roommate kindly paid and i paid him back, then i promptly called to complain about mr. restaurant guy's poor estimate of time.
the other thing is there was a chicken bone (small, about an inch and a half) in my noodle dish. i noticed it today eating my leftovers for lunch. weird, huh?
reasons enough to not order from there anymore?
anyway, must set up some workshops and hire a couple teachers. and make a doc's appt. and e-mail my resume to a friend to look it over. i am sure she'll find reasons to change it. maybe the stars at the top (but i like them!). so have a good week, and my adventures of overwork and undersleep and public transportation, i promise, will continue! xos
...ok i am in good spirits again, owing mostly to being back in communication with excellent friends. hopefully this will last but i must mention my disappointment that a) not one guy has responded to my salon.com personal ad, which i put back up over the weekend (whomever thinks it it easy for women to meet guys is utterly mistaken) b) my car is still in the shop, with apparently nothing wrong except one single OBD sensor that's "not ready" and the mechanic is waiting for a calls back from the epa and the mazda corporation to know how to reset it c) my salary adjustment was less than i had asked for, so i am still significantly below my colleagues and expected to perform the same amount and type of work with a smile and, as w. perfectly described, "feel professional" despite this fact. i'll try.
but it's an extra $100 or so a month, and i'm counting on that to keep me out of the amercash payday loans place.
i ordered delicious thai food last night at about 9:30pm (veg/chicken drunken noodles, extra order steamed veg, and a thai iced tea), and two weird things happened:
i placed my order and said i'd pay with cash, and the man at duck walk thai (cute menu, never been to actual place) said, "you pay with cash? ok. ok, 45 minutes to 1 hour. thank you" and hung up. that sounded long to me but i decided it was a perfect time to take my shower and get into actual pajamas, not the half-an-outfit of clothing i was still wearing from the night/morning before. so 15 minutes later, and about 4 minutes into my shower (all soapy, hair not yet washed, one line of shaving on one leg complete), the doorbell rang and my roommate yelled "your food's here!", and i was so mad! and i can't tell you how annoyed and confused it made me... do i get out now and just run down all drippy and get back in? do i try to tell s. where in the abyss of my room my wallet is? no, i thought, i will let the delivery guy leave, or stand there, or not even get my money until 45 minutes have passed.
instead, my roommate kindly paid and i paid him back, then i promptly called to complain about mr. restaurant guy's poor estimate of time.
the other thing is there was a chicken bone (small, about an inch and a half) in my noodle dish. i noticed it today eating my leftovers for lunch. weird, huh?
reasons enough to not order from there anymore?
anyway, must set up some workshops and hire a couple teachers. and make a doc's appt. and e-mail my resume to a friend to look it over. i am sure she'll find reasons to change it. maybe the stars at the top (but i like them!). so have a good week, and my adventures of overwork and undersleep and public transportation, i promise, will continue! xos
Wednesday, January 21
i gave $25 to the Howard Dean campaign yesterday. i am so glad someone is taking the need for serious change seriously, and keeping it on the table despite apparent unpopularity. please check out his website if you have a moment, and read about his positions on the issues. and be sure you're registered to vote in the primary (illinois deadline is 2/17).
i rarely evangelize about this sort of thing, but something has got to give. did you hear the "state of the union" address? i have never been so ashamed of my government.
(ok stepping down now...)
i rarely evangelize about this sort of thing, but something has got to give. did you hear the "state of the union" address? i have never been so ashamed of my government.
(ok stepping down now...)
p.s. it's 34 days until i turn 34.
[somehow that's exciting.]
[somehow that's exciting.]
ok: i locked the copy shop and went outside last night, at 4am, after screwing up a course pack and taking 5 times longer than usual to put it together, and writing ie-mails and a blog post here, and applying for a great job with northwestern's law school (i feel better using this computer at the copy job than doing it at dance job - no computer at home yet), and my car was gone.
it was deja vu and laughing and sad and - well - familiar. the city trains weren't running yet, so i came back in and played with the laminator and called to find out about the car (safe at the tow yard, towed because of a no-parking 3-6am sign that i didn't look for, naturally, down the block, because i just looked at the meter to make sure it ended at 9pm), and made up a strategy for the DMV, and otherwise just waited until 5:48 when the first metra comes through. i bought a ten-ticket pass and took it, with all the super-early risers, reading their newspapers, looking well-groomed. it takes only 10 minutes to get to the ravenswood stop, and from there i walked in the seriously bitter cold (yeah i left my gloves in the car too) the 4-5 blocks to the damen bus stop via the bank.
i woke up a hundred times while trying to sleep, and smelled a lot of yicky smells while trying to sleep. someone also kept calling and not leaving messages. i slept from 6 to 10:30ish and had to dress and go to work, though i wished i could spend the day - my life - in the bed. the air was so cold this morning.
so scott came to the rescue again, taking me to the tow yard to get my car with his license and his van, which was just jump-started this evening after a 2-week "rest" itself.
meanwhile, i left work at lunch and went to the DMV (forever on 2 busses) and spent 3-1/2 very frustrating hours waiting, speaking with an administrative hearings officer, waiting again, speaking with special services, waiting, speaking with drivers' services and filling out a form, waiting again, paying $12 for a copy of my clean driving record with my address to show the judge, waiting in the audit line, being told to go back to special services, going back down to admin hearings - anyway, i feel that i know a lot about all of that stuff if you ever need help, just keep that in mind.
i learned too that one should never do at a currency exchange what one can do through the state red tape. and that i would never, ever, ever want to work for the secretary of state, and i cannot relate to the people who do in the least. such a disparity of caring, knowing things, communication, work ethic. very interesting. but i still left in frustrated tears with the simple answer that no, i could not drive until the car is fixed and passes emissions. and that someone else needs to take it to all of these things.
so what is the car stuff?
it started when i bought the car - did i tell this story yet? it was 1997, i was still in iowa. it was my first car. 3 days into owning it, there was a record-breaking hail storm and it dented every single panel on the car. it was totalled, but it was insured so they replaced the whole body basically. since then i have scratched my brother's car, been booted 4 times, been towed countless times, have dented and scratched my then-boyfriend's car, then taht same car was broken into on my watch as well, then the greek guy came and hit my side door, then the bike molestation (the rear wheel theft and dog pee - have you heard that story?), the key scratching incident described in an earlier blog, the left drivers' side mirror assault also previously mentioned, and now this - all of this. i have had 3 bikes stolen, one permanently disabled in two ways.
i spoke with the very interesting new pakistani guy who works here and he thinks i am very spiritual, i have a very high something, and i am up having conversations with god and all of the prophets and angels at night and sometimes the thoughts carry over during the day (wow- i just thought - especially when i am not sleeping, right?) in his broken english he called it mentally drunk, not paying attention. the first time i worked with him he said he got very good vibrations from me, and now he says it every time he is here. he is very funny. at first i was scared of him and thought he was just flitrting but i don't think so anymore. he thinks there is a god who is in love with me and that is why all of these stupid, very very human things are happening to me. like someone is putting barriers everywhere to watch me dodge them. i don't know about that, but how about that hypothesis coming from a guy whose name i don't even know? tonight was the first time we have said more than 3 words to each other, and he's got my aura all mapped out and thinks he knows me.
so it came to me while we were speaking: that all of this car crap, without being superstitious at all, is a very strong indication that my focus has too much been on the road itself - what to do, who to be with, who to be, where to live, what to study ... that i am not seeing the world at all. and the road doesn't want me! someone ius saying that if you focus on the road, you will be wasting your life, and is wasting no effort in trying to make it as painful as poissible. i want to, instead, be flying in some way. i am a fish out of water. can't walk, can't breathe -- and the ground is bruising and damaging my scales.
i need to find some water. i am preoccupied with some strange waiting game. "wouldn't it be nice" - type stuff. i am not quite snapped out of it, but i think i have learned the lesson of the car hell. we'll see. funny that it's all happening when i a) missed two shrink appointments in a row and b) went completely off my ritalin-like medication.
and i am not craving sweets so much. but i am also not drinking enough water.
the tow charge was $140, if you're counting, and i am planning to seriously contest the ticket - with pictures and everything. need to get a polaroid. i am really tired and will probably leave without doing more than 2 masters. it's ok. i am tired. i will only write down that i worked 2 hours, not 3. this conversation and retelling is the whole night to me anyway.
do you like the hotels song by juliana hatfield? i think it's pretty good. it's from beatiful creature, if you have that. i haven't got it and am hearing it for the first time 4 years later. it's nice. on that note, must get to the canons. love, sarah
it was deja vu and laughing and sad and - well - familiar. the city trains weren't running yet, so i came back in and played with the laminator and called to find out about the car (safe at the tow yard, towed because of a no-parking 3-6am sign that i didn't look for, naturally, down the block, because i just looked at the meter to make sure it ended at 9pm), and made up a strategy for the DMV, and otherwise just waited until 5:48 when the first metra comes through. i bought a ten-ticket pass and took it, with all the super-early risers, reading their newspapers, looking well-groomed. it takes only 10 minutes to get to the ravenswood stop, and from there i walked in the seriously bitter cold (yeah i left my gloves in the car too) the 4-5 blocks to the damen bus stop via the bank.
i woke up a hundred times while trying to sleep, and smelled a lot of yicky smells while trying to sleep. someone also kept calling and not leaving messages. i slept from 6 to 10:30ish and had to dress and go to work, though i wished i could spend the day - my life - in the bed. the air was so cold this morning.
so scott came to the rescue again, taking me to the tow yard to get my car with his license and his van, which was just jump-started this evening after a 2-week "rest" itself.
meanwhile, i left work at lunch and went to the DMV (forever on 2 busses) and spent 3-1/2 very frustrating hours waiting, speaking with an administrative hearings officer, waiting again, speaking with special services, waiting, speaking with drivers' services and filling out a form, waiting again, paying $12 for a copy of my clean driving record with my address to show the judge, waiting in the audit line, being told to go back to special services, going back down to admin hearings - anyway, i feel that i know a lot about all of that stuff if you ever need help, just keep that in mind.
i learned too that one should never do at a currency exchange what one can do through the state red tape. and that i would never, ever, ever want to work for the secretary of state, and i cannot relate to the people who do in the least. such a disparity of caring, knowing things, communication, work ethic. very interesting. but i still left in frustrated tears with the simple answer that no, i could not drive until the car is fixed and passes emissions. and that someone else needs to take it to all of these things.
so what is the car stuff?
it started when i bought the car - did i tell this story yet? it was 1997, i was still in iowa. it was my first car. 3 days into owning it, there was a record-breaking hail storm and it dented every single panel on the car. it was totalled, but it was insured so they replaced the whole body basically. since then i have scratched my brother's car, been booted 4 times, been towed countless times, have dented and scratched my then-boyfriend's car, then taht same car was broken into on my watch as well, then the greek guy came and hit my side door, then the bike molestation (the rear wheel theft and dog pee - have you heard that story?), the key scratching incident described in an earlier blog, the left drivers' side mirror assault also previously mentioned, and now this - all of this. i have had 3 bikes stolen, one permanently disabled in two ways.
i spoke with the very interesting new pakistani guy who works here and he thinks i am very spiritual, i have a very high something, and i am up having conversations with god and all of the prophets and angels at night and sometimes the thoughts carry over during the day (wow- i just thought - especially when i am not sleeping, right?) in his broken english he called it mentally drunk, not paying attention. the first time i worked with him he said he got very good vibrations from me, and now he says it every time he is here. he is very funny. at first i was scared of him and thought he was just flitrting but i don't think so anymore. he thinks there is a god who is in love with me and that is why all of these stupid, very very human things are happening to me. like someone is putting barriers everywhere to watch me dodge them. i don't know about that, but how about that hypothesis coming from a guy whose name i don't even know? tonight was the first time we have said more than 3 words to each other, and he's got my aura all mapped out and thinks he knows me.
so it came to me while we were speaking: that all of this car crap, without being superstitious at all, is a very strong indication that my focus has too much been on the road itself - what to do, who to be with, who to be, where to live, what to study ... that i am not seeing the world at all. and the road doesn't want me! someone ius saying that if you focus on the road, you will be wasting your life, and is wasting no effort in trying to make it as painful as poissible. i want to, instead, be flying in some way. i am a fish out of water. can't walk, can't breathe -- and the ground is bruising and damaging my scales.
i need to find some water. i am preoccupied with some strange waiting game. "wouldn't it be nice" - type stuff. i am not quite snapped out of it, but i think i have learned the lesson of the car hell. we'll see. funny that it's all happening when i a) missed two shrink appointments in a row and b) went completely off my ritalin-like medication.
and i am not craving sweets so much. but i am also not drinking enough water.
the tow charge was $140, if you're counting, and i am planning to seriously contest the ticket - with pictures and everything. need to get a polaroid. i am really tired and will probably leave without doing more than 2 masters. it's ok. i am tired. i will only write down that i worked 2 hours, not 3. this conversation and retelling is the whole night to me anyway.
do you like the hotels song by juliana hatfield? i think it's pretty good. it's from beatiful creature, if you have that. i haven't got it and am hearing it for the first time 4 years later. it's nice. on that note, must get to the canons. love, sarah
Tuesday, January 20
today i decided "f it, I'm gonna drive my car anyway!" and had it jumped (battery was dead since at least Sat.) and went thru a car wash (the old flapping spinning slapping kind - do you love those as much as i do? i blasted Tavis Smiley and grinned the whole time like a kid) and then drove around the city for a good 45 minutes to be sure the battery would stay on.
plus it's so freaking cold here in the freaking-cold-and-windy city that if I didn't drive, i wouldn't have come here, to work at the copy shop, where i am not working at all but blogging and checking the e-mail i didn't have time to check all day at work. i drove because hell if I am gonna stand there on the howard platform in this. especially without a book on tape to listen to...i miss my hoagy!
that was all after i missed my shrink appointment, which was a reschedule (hers, not mine) and i realized that, in the spirit of my new taking time for things, i just can't do reschedules. if things that big (take off from work, get down to her office in congested area, yak, snivel, etc., then slip back to work, often without having eaten, a good hour and 30 minutes after leaving) get cancelled, i will just have to say no, sorry, can't do it. because i can't. i tried to leave on time, then to find a Lincoln bus -- ha ha, right - i swear, those things are only in my neighborhood between 6 and 8 am, when they stop in front of my house blasting "BLAH BLAH LINCOLN! - TO! LINCOLN! AND! MCCORMICK!!!" every 3 minutes, intruding on my precious last 50% of sleeptime -- then tried to spot a cab, and by then it was 1:15 and there was no way to get there so i called and left her a frazzled message and called roadside assistance and sat in my semi-warmer-than-outside apartment. but the electrician was working on things, so i tried to watch a little bit of something on the television (to feel like i was resting, don't you know) and it kept going off, and- worse- i have my tv going through my vcr, so every time the power went off and on, i tried to go to menu and "memorize channels-auto" but that took the only 5 minutes of power, then it's go out again. very funny. i went to my dark fridge and stared for a while, then finally made one (*perfect by the way thank you) over-medium fried egg and some polenta with a pinch of reduced fat cheese on top. it was a very yellow meal. and then the battery guy came and then off i went on my illegal driving spree that is still going now. i can see my car if i stand up here, sitting outside all shiny and secretly, mysteriously malfunctiony but waiting to take me home safely.
the question is: weight watchers? how to lose 30 pounds and get back to normal by the time of my brother's truly big fat greek wedding (7 bridesmaids, huge greek church, all the rites and rituals, all in greek...food, drinks, let's hope, etc.)??
plus it's so freaking cold here in the freaking-cold-and-windy city that if I didn't drive, i wouldn't have come here, to work at the copy shop, where i am not working at all but blogging and checking the e-mail i didn't have time to check all day at work. i drove because hell if I am gonna stand there on the howard platform in this. especially without a book on tape to listen to...i miss my hoagy!
that was all after i missed my shrink appointment, which was a reschedule (hers, not mine) and i realized that, in the spirit of my new taking time for things, i just can't do reschedules. if things that big (take off from work, get down to her office in congested area, yak, snivel, etc., then slip back to work, often without having eaten, a good hour and 30 minutes after leaving) get cancelled, i will just have to say no, sorry, can't do it. because i can't. i tried to leave on time, then to find a Lincoln bus -- ha ha, right - i swear, those things are only in my neighborhood between 6 and 8 am, when they stop in front of my house blasting "BLAH BLAH LINCOLN! - TO! LINCOLN! AND! MCCORMICK!!!" every 3 minutes, intruding on my precious last 50% of sleeptime -- then tried to spot a cab, and by then it was 1:15 and there was no way to get there so i called and left her a frazzled message and called roadside assistance and sat in my semi-warmer-than-outside apartment. but the electrician was working on things, so i tried to watch a little bit of something on the television (to feel like i was resting, don't you know) and it kept going off, and- worse- i have my tv going through my vcr, so every time the power went off and on, i tried to go to menu and "memorize channels-auto" but that took the only 5 minutes of power, then it's go out again. very funny. i went to my dark fridge and stared for a while, then finally made one (*perfect by the way thank you) over-medium fried egg and some polenta with a pinch of reduced fat cheese on top. it was a very yellow meal. and then the battery guy came and then off i went on my illegal driving spree that is still going now. i can see my car if i stand up here, sitting outside all shiny and secretly, mysteriously malfunctiony but waiting to take me home safely.
the question is: weight watchers? how to lose 30 pounds and get back to normal by the time of my brother's truly big fat greek wedding (7 bridesmaids, huge greek church, all the rites and rituals, all in greek...food, drinks, let's hope, etc.)??
Friday, January 16
thanks to all the sympathizers, and sorry for being whiny in the last post. i did drive on a suspended license, after all, and should have known about all that, and my car still won't pass the emissions test. i went to court and happily yorty wasn't there, but the judge is making me come back anyway, on feb. 20, when hopefully my license will be straightened out.
i was in whole foods today, getting a delicious and ridiculously priced salad bar salad and some votive candles, plus some hippie-natural ladies' products, and even though i tried to avoid him, somehow i got into the line of the new, loud flaming afro annoying guy again; this time he was bagging. (where did he come from? that's what i want to know. all of a sudden he's this presence to be reckoned with there, every time i go - takes forever to check people out, talks way to loud, performs all the time - you know the type.) but today he may have gotten off my scary list and into the hilarious club. he was broadcast-y as usual and - just unnecessarily speaking, on and on as he was bagging, all with one hand (his left) tucked demurely into his apron pocket. and nothing looked wrong with it. i have to think maybe he was doing a self-challenge service-job time-killing thing, which is excellent in itself. and anyway, i was surly, having missed an appointment and spending all that money; the beets always get me. i was trying to ignore him. and he stops and asks 'can i put your tampons in the the candles? they'll smell good then' and i just about lost it. he froze, too, right after it came out. or when i started laughing. i think he really didn't mean to say it out loud. he looked sorta horrified at himself. it was just great. made my day.
i love will oldham. rider is on the msn channel now. followed by tony orlando's house by ylt! bliss, i tell you. is it because it is 3am? is internet radio oficially the wave of the future? (am i officially lame?)
ok: i am having this exhaustion that doesn't allow me to sleep. have you ever had that? it is crazy. i can't even leave work. i found a job listing online that (finally) is exciting enough for me to apply - i'll just have to work on that tomorrow. an event person for the NU law school if you must know. it's sorta perfect, and would afford education benefits, probably. stiull haven't found out if i get a salary adjustment this year. paid off my layaway pants at marshalls. talked to george the odd but highly recommended mechanic in wildwood. sent in my colonoscopy information packet. illegally got my mom's car washed and safely back to her garage space. finished crocheting another dishcloth, even did a border. missed a scheduled teacher class visit. stayed up late listening to brian wilson music as dj-ed by mr. scott ligon. genius. both of them, really. forgot to put robbie fulks' show on the pop-tart planner.
did i tell you i went to 2 movies on new year's day? one was great, actually, master and commander (the actresses were all excellent, don't you think?) and big fish, which to me was nightmarishly bad.
i think it's also officially pick on a pisces week. (i have already been picked; stay away!)
i went on friendster for the first time in months tonight and was so unimpressed. if any of you are on there, please, tell me why!
now for the juicy tmi corner (as if it's just a corner on this page, yeesh - but this is the cue for some to stop reading. yes, you!): i am rapidly gaining weight, without any effort at all. no giant bags of candy or whole pints of ice cream, even. i've even stopped with the regular coke. weeks ago! but i think it's about quitting a particular habit-forming medication i'd been on for the past few years. it's scary to be this fat again, feels like the bad old days, but i am tired of being on meds and generally seeing this many doctors. i think the scariness of having a gastroenterologist at age 33 is making me look at all medical matters differently. like, i can't have too much going on; must pare it down and focus. limit the ailments.
does everyone start falling apart at this age? i haven't even met a good guy yet! shit!
i spent a lot of money this week, which felt strange. bills, $100 on glycolic skin care products, paid off those $30 french connection pants that won't fit now, cabs, salads, finally bought frames for johnny cash hatch poster and the benefit show poster... i would like to purchase a bike next, one that i can love and ride everywhere, like old times. but it all depends on this catalytic converter stuff with the car. cross your fingers; that could be a $600 repair, which'd make all of this month's extra work justified and yet nullified in one fell swoop. erg.
i need to sleep. i have to take a cab all the way home because i missed the last train. again. but secretly i am happy because then i will be able to go to bed sooner. (ok, just think about that logic for a minute. yes i am WAY sleep-deprived.) aw, regular hands by kingsbury manx is on now. sweet dreams.
i was in whole foods today, getting a delicious and ridiculously priced salad bar salad and some votive candles, plus some hippie-natural ladies' products, and even though i tried to avoid him, somehow i got into the line of the new, loud flaming afro annoying guy again; this time he was bagging. (where did he come from? that's what i want to know. all of a sudden he's this presence to be reckoned with there, every time i go - takes forever to check people out, talks way to loud, performs all the time - you know the type.) but today he may have gotten off my scary list and into the hilarious club. he was broadcast-y as usual and - just unnecessarily speaking, on and on as he was bagging, all with one hand (his left) tucked demurely into his apron pocket. and nothing looked wrong with it. i have to think maybe he was doing a self-challenge service-job time-killing thing, which is excellent in itself. and anyway, i was surly, having missed an appointment and spending all that money; the beets always get me. i was trying to ignore him. and he stops and asks 'can i put your tampons in the the candles? they'll smell good then' and i just about lost it. he froze, too, right after it came out. or when i started laughing. i think he really didn't mean to say it out loud. he looked sorta horrified at himself. it was just great. made my day.
i love will oldham. rider is on the msn channel now. followed by tony orlando's house by ylt! bliss, i tell you. is it because it is 3am? is internet radio oficially the wave of the future? (am i officially lame?)
ok: i am having this exhaustion that doesn't allow me to sleep. have you ever had that? it is crazy. i can't even leave work. i found a job listing online that (finally) is exciting enough for me to apply - i'll just have to work on that tomorrow. an event person for the NU law school if you must know. it's sorta perfect, and would afford education benefits, probably. stiull haven't found out if i get a salary adjustment this year. paid off my layaway pants at marshalls. talked to george the odd but highly recommended mechanic in wildwood. sent in my colonoscopy information packet. illegally got my mom's car washed and safely back to her garage space. finished crocheting another dishcloth, even did a border. missed a scheduled teacher class visit. stayed up late listening to brian wilson music as dj-ed by mr. scott ligon. genius. both of them, really. forgot to put robbie fulks' show on the pop-tart planner.
did i tell you i went to 2 movies on new year's day? one was great, actually, master and commander (the actresses were all excellent, don't you think?) and big fish, which to me was nightmarishly bad.
i think it's also officially pick on a pisces week. (i have already been picked; stay away!)
i went on friendster for the first time in months tonight and was so unimpressed. if any of you are on there, please, tell me why!
now for the juicy tmi corner (as if it's just a corner on this page, yeesh - but this is the cue for some to stop reading. yes, you!): i am rapidly gaining weight, without any effort at all. no giant bags of candy or whole pints of ice cream, even. i've even stopped with the regular coke. weeks ago! but i think it's about quitting a particular habit-forming medication i'd been on for the past few years. it's scary to be this fat again, feels like the bad old days, but i am tired of being on meds and generally seeing this many doctors. i think the scariness of having a gastroenterologist at age 33 is making me look at all medical matters differently. like, i can't have too much going on; must pare it down and focus. limit the ailments.
does everyone start falling apart at this age? i haven't even met a good guy yet! shit!
i spent a lot of money this week, which felt strange. bills, $100 on glycolic skin care products, paid off those $30 french connection pants that won't fit now, cabs, salads, finally bought frames for johnny cash hatch poster and the benefit show poster... i would like to purchase a bike next, one that i can love and ride everywhere, like old times. but it all depends on this catalytic converter stuff with the car. cross your fingers; that could be a $600 repair, which'd make all of this month's extra work justified and yet nullified in one fell swoop. erg.
i need to sleep. i have to take a cab all the way home because i missed the last train. again. but secretly i am happy because then i will be able to go to bed sooner. (ok, just think about that logic for a minute. yes i am WAY sleep-deprived.) aw, regular hands by kingsbury manx is on now. sweet dreams.
Tuesday, January 13
this is absolutely the worst time to do a blog, when i really have nothing to say and many, many other things i should be doing.
mainly, i have to be in court tomorrow morning at 9am, to defend myself against the world's most overexcited cop, officer yorty of the evanston police. he's new. i suspected, then confirmed that when i went back, two days after my arrest and detainment, to retrieve my entire set of keys from the station's front desk clerk. they had mysteriously reappeared in yorty's trunk, after i called everywhere, asking after them for 48 hours to numerous replies of "no, we don't have them - did you check the tow yard?"
so yes, i was pulled over at 2am on January 2, 2004 - after working at my exhausting copy shop job and watching 2 (1 a sneak-in!) movies at my favorite theatre with a friend - because my license plate sticker had expired on december 31st. that is 26 hours before i was pulled over, yes. it was cold out, snowy. i was driving fine. i wanted to go home and sleep. i had to be at work in 7 hours. i was surrounded by 5 cops, was yanked out of my car, searched (3 times - what is up with that?) and cuffed, questioned, and locked up in a holding cell that was just slightly stinky, and very grafitti-ed - but stinky enough that I did not sit down on the cement bench but stood in the center, not touching anything, for 2 hours until they let me flee with my saintlike roommate. my crime, i didn't find out until well into the incarceration, was that i had let my vehicle emissions test deadline pass, and this apparently is a license-suspending error.
yorty, with his shiny, lace-up black boots and annoying, overearnest officiousness, must have had nothing better to do through the defrost. when i told him that, and asked him if he got a bonus, and that meanwhile, some real criminal was probably stealing a bike or hurting some innocent person, he said "they probably are." that's the kind of cop yorty is. when i replied that his kind of attitude is why people hate police, he asserted that he was "not here to be liked." and, in that way he was doing a very effective job. the worst was imagining that someone probably had slept with him at some point. what a gross thought.
i cried a lot that night, in front of stupid yorty even. i was so so tired. i had worked until 4:30am the previous night (13.5 hour new year's eve shift - without a break), hadn't slept much during the day, and went to work again.
the worst part of the ordeal was this: when they said 'spread 'em' and searched me on the back of the car, they cuffed me, took off my hat to search in there for a dangerous gun, and then put the hat back on, so my hair (i have long, un-banged hair) was now totally in my face and sort of pinned there with my hat, and with my hands cuffed I could not pull it behind my ear, put it into a ponytail, or do anything. it was sticking to my cheeks, blocking my eyes, making me itch, and then, when i was answering the inane questions yorty kept asking, it was going into my mouth, and i couldn't brush it away. plus, i was wearing low-waisted, somewhat loose pants that kep sliding down too low and I couldn't hitch them up.
it was a nightmare.
the current situation is that i am still suspended and illegal to drive, my car has been in the shop for 13 days and still is not able to pass the emissions test, and i have to find a way to not only get to the court tomorrow, but to fight the 4 tickets yorty issued:
1) expired registration
2) no insurance (bullshit, he didn't let me get it out, that bastard yorty - i've never been uninsured)
3) driving while license suspended and, the kicker:
4) failure to notify secretary of state of new address (HUH? i called the secretary of state the next day and spoke with them. the address they have on file for me is my current address.)
so what to do? of course at work i have not only two catalog deadlines today but a payroll deadline on top, and i still haven't been apprised of my salary for the year so i am not in the mood to do any damn thing for them. i;ve decided to quit if i don't get a decent raise and i think they know it. also the copy shop guys are pissed at me because i haven't been in in days; maybe i am done with that job. it was good while it lasted.
so now i need to e-mail my lawyer brother and find out what to do, and also search the web for the best public transportation route to the courthouse, which is off in a far-off burb location, near a really good mall, at which i can't shop anyway because all of my excess copy shop cash is going to my mechanic, but the proximity of which will get to me, i know it...
so that's the news. haven't really done anything social, or even wanted to, so this blog will be my outreach into the world. i promise to keep it up. xosd
mainly, i have to be in court tomorrow morning at 9am, to defend myself against the world's most overexcited cop, officer yorty of the evanston police. he's new. i suspected, then confirmed that when i went back, two days after my arrest and detainment, to retrieve my entire set of keys from the station's front desk clerk. they had mysteriously reappeared in yorty's trunk, after i called everywhere, asking after them for 48 hours to numerous replies of "no, we don't have them - did you check the tow yard?"
so yes, i was pulled over at 2am on January 2, 2004 - after working at my exhausting copy shop job and watching 2 (1 a sneak-in!) movies at my favorite theatre with a friend - because my license plate sticker had expired on december 31st. that is 26 hours before i was pulled over, yes. it was cold out, snowy. i was driving fine. i wanted to go home and sleep. i had to be at work in 7 hours. i was surrounded by 5 cops, was yanked out of my car, searched (3 times - what is up with that?) and cuffed, questioned, and locked up in a holding cell that was just slightly stinky, and very grafitti-ed - but stinky enough that I did not sit down on the cement bench but stood in the center, not touching anything, for 2 hours until they let me flee with my saintlike roommate. my crime, i didn't find out until well into the incarceration, was that i had let my vehicle emissions test deadline pass, and this apparently is a license-suspending error.
yorty, with his shiny, lace-up black boots and annoying, overearnest officiousness, must have had nothing better to do through the defrost. when i told him that, and asked him if he got a bonus, and that meanwhile, some real criminal was probably stealing a bike or hurting some innocent person, he said "they probably are." that's the kind of cop yorty is. when i replied that his kind of attitude is why people hate police, he asserted that he was "not here to be liked." and, in that way he was doing a very effective job. the worst was imagining that someone probably had slept with him at some point. what a gross thought.
i cried a lot that night, in front of stupid yorty even. i was so so tired. i had worked until 4:30am the previous night (13.5 hour new year's eve shift - without a break), hadn't slept much during the day, and went to work again.
the worst part of the ordeal was this: when they said 'spread 'em' and searched me on the back of the car, they cuffed me, took off my hat to search in there for a dangerous gun, and then put the hat back on, so my hair (i have long, un-banged hair) was now totally in my face and sort of pinned there with my hat, and with my hands cuffed I could not pull it behind my ear, put it into a ponytail, or do anything. it was sticking to my cheeks, blocking my eyes, making me itch, and then, when i was answering the inane questions yorty kept asking, it was going into my mouth, and i couldn't brush it away. plus, i was wearing low-waisted, somewhat loose pants that kep sliding down too low and I couldn't hitch them up.
it was a nightmare.
the current situation is that i am still suspended and illegal to drive, my car has been in the shop for 13 days and still is not able to pass the emissions test, and i have to find a way to not only get to the court tomorrow, but to fight the 4 tickets yorty issued:
1) expired registration
2) no insurance (bullshit, he didn't let me get it out, that bastard yorty - i've never been uninsured)
3) driving while license suspended and, the kicker:
4) failure to notify secretary of state of new address (HUH? i called the secretary of state the next day and spoke with them. the address they have on file for me is my current address.)
so what to do? of course at work i have not only two catalog deadlines today but a payroll deadline on top, and i still haven't been apprised of my salary for the year so i am not in the mood to do any damn thing for them. i;ve decided to quit if i don't get a decent raise and i think they know it. also the copy shop guys are pissed at me because i haven't been in in days; maybe i am done with that job. it was good while it lasted.
so now i need to e-mail my lawyer brother and find out what to do, and also search the web for the best public transportation route to the courthouse, which is off in a far-off burb location, near a really good mall, at which i can't shop anyway because all of my excess copy shop cash is going to my mechanic, but the proximity of which will get to me, i know it...
so that's the news. haven't really done anything social, or even wanted to, so this blog will be my outreach into the world. i promise to keep it up. xosd
Wednesday, December 17
does anyone read this anymore? i don't post often enough. a little overwhelmed - even little things are huge to me when i have this much on my mind / this much to do. can't really call people, see people, anything right now with jobs and xmas on the way. all i can do with free time is shop for presents, make presents and cards, and knit.
and xmas spirit in chicago this year seems flat. not bad or blue, just not very exciting. i can't really get into it and it seems like there aren't a lot of motivated people around me either. i want to escape everything. job, debt, car trouble, apartment, body... all projects...
and i still really want to learn to use my sewing machine, and can't justify money for classes, (and-erg-no manual!), so how can i get the friends who've offered to show me to actually do it? everyone's time is precious right now, but i want to be a priority!
anyway, i must now go look for a book that i swear exists but is in no bookstores i've seen in any store in town. a feng shui for the office book. come on, shouldn't someone have it?
and xmas spirit in chicago this year seems flat. not bad or blue, just not very exciting. i can't really get into it and it seems like there aren't a lot of motivated people around me either. i want to escape everything. job, debt, car trouble, apartment, body... all projects...
and i still really want to learn to use my sewing machine, and can't justify money for classes, (and-erg-no manual!), so how can i get the friends who've offered to show me to actually do it? everyone's time is precious right now, but i want to be a priority!
anyway, i must now go look for a book that i swear exists but is in no bookstores i've seen in any store in town. a feng shui for the office book. come on, shouldn't someone have it?
Monday, December 8
things are good. work is good. pants are loosening, and the copy shop called and wants me back, inexplicably, just in time for xmas bills. i have to call them back.
this weekend was one big concert. they might be giants, steve earle, all of it in one very short period. it was pretty crazy but overall good. and the craft lounge idea was a smash hit. yea!
one good thing was hanging out with don, the giants' road manager, and reconnecting with him. maybe he'll be my mentor.
this weekend was one big concert. they might be giants, steve earle, all of it in one very short period. it was pretty crazy but overall good. and the craft lounge idea was a smash hit. yea!
one good thing was hanging out with don, the giants' road manager, and reconnecting with him. maybe he'll be my mentor.
Thursday, December 4
so i made it through the benefit and thanksgiving without having a nervous breakdown/emotional meltdown nor a sole piece of pumpkin pie. huzzah!
and, topping off the events for the week, a not-the-most-flattering picture was in the chicago reader, and the writer (or editor?) snuck in a ridiculously irrelevant mention of my ex... then, said ex called to invite me to come to his show wed. night, hours before it started (he'd already been in town for two days without a peep), after not contacting me once in the last year to talk to me, find out how i am, or sort out our crap. so *i* was sposed to (again) go out of my way to come to him?, and be a *fan* while he belts out his bs? no thanks, not after being ignored and used. it made me mad that he probably thought that counted as an effort - he's that self-centered. i called him at like 11:30 when he'd be safely on the stage and left a message - that he's got to be kidding but thanks for the gesture. lazy jerk! i really am glad i am done with that. i've never been treated this badly by anyon, and it's just not gonna continue to work on me. then a friend sent me this funny "new men's magazine" e-mail and it reminded me of what i imagine c's relationship is like, and i am again so NOT jealous of it:
so after last week, i no longer expect one good thing to ever come my way from his direction. that is heartrendingly sad, but at least it's final. i'd still been giving him a really generous benefit of the doubt til that call.
anyway: now i'm looking for something to do with my time and energy. and waiting for the giant cold sore on my chin to go away. times like this i wish i had a digital camera; a daily pictorial cold sore blog would be sorta funny (if icky). here's a drawing:
i want to do so many things but the days are so short.
also, i am in a "loan rehabilitation program" so i'll have no money at all for the next 16 months. so it's gonna be lots of crafting, movies and books from the library, and weird foods i make at home. (and blogging i guess.) i don't mind. it will be interesting. it will make me stronger--like everything, right? by the time i am an old woman i will be so strong of character ... i hope i live a long time and can enjoy it fully.
and, topping off the events for the week, a not-the-most-flattering picture was in the chicago reader, and the writer (or editor?) snuck in a ridiculously irrelevant mention of my ex... then, said ex called to invite me to come to his show wed. night, hours before it started (he'd already been in town for two days without a peep), after not contacting me once in the last year to talk to me, find out how i am, or sort out our crap. so *i* was sposed to (again) go out of my way to come to him?, and be a *fan* while he belts out his bs? no thanks, not after being ignored and used. it made me mad that he probably thought that counted as an effort - he's that self-centered. i called him at like 11:30 when he'd be safely on the stage and left a message - that he's got to be kidding but thanks for the gesture. lazy jerk! i really am glad i am done with that. i've never been treated this badly by anyon, and it's just not gonna continue to work on me. then a friend sent me this funny "new men's magazine" e-mail and it reminded me of what i imagine c's relationship is like, and i am again so NOT jealous of it:
so after last week, i no longer expect one good thing to ever come my way from his direction. that is heartrendingly sad, but at least it's final. i'd still been giving him a really generous benefit of the doubt til that call.
anyway: now i'm looking for something to do with my time and energy. and waiting for the giant cold sore on my chin to go away. times like this i wish i had a digital camera; a daily pictorial cold sore blog would be sorta funny (if icky). here's a drawing:
i want to do so many things but the days are so short.
also, i am in a "loan rehabilitation program" so i'll have no money at all for the next 16 months. so it's gonna be lots of crafting, movies and books from the library, and weird foods i make at home. (and blogging i guess.) i don't mind. it will be interesting. it will make me stronger--like everything, right? by the time i am an old woman i will be so strong of character ... i hope i live a long time and can enjoy it fully.
Tuesday, November 25
i just had a very very sad experience; maybe the saddest thing in, well -- months, if you don't count the fake sad brought on by the lame movie 'radio' which i snuck into with my brother and his girlfriend after seeing 'elf' (which was fantastic and hilarious)--that was on sunday. elf is soooooooo good.
anyway, i dialed dial-a-song and it just rang - there was nothing.
i think dial-a-song (they might be giants' usually reliable message machine with a short but guaranteed mood-alteringly great song on it) is the thing that has been the #1 most consistent and unchanged in my address books through the years next to my grandparents's home phone and address in kankakee, IL. i am crushed.
now i need to go to the y, then go to sleep. big days ahead.
tomorrow my story and picture comes out in the reader. the picture sucks. the story mentions the user-loser. but the benefit got lots of attention and that's what counts!... and the show will go great, i can feel it, though i have no idea how tickets are selling.
hmm, maybe i should check tonight. or go to y? shit. bye.
anyway, i dialed dial-a-song and it just rang - there was nothing.
i think dial-a-song (they might be giants' usually reliable message machine with a short but guaranteed mood-alteringly great song on it) is the thing that has been the #1 most consistent and unchanged in my address books through the years next to my grandparents's home phone and address in kankakee, IL. i am crushed.
now i need to go to the y, then go to sleep. big days ahead.
tomorrow my story and picture comes out in the reader. the picture sucks. the story mentions the user-loser. but the benefit got lots of attention and that's what counts!... and the show will go great, i can feel it, though i have no idea how tickets are selling.
hmm, maybe i should check tonight. or go to y? shit. bye.
Tuesday, November 11
it's been a little while - sorry. i'm having money frustrations again and erg my lips are peeling from the cold weather. i can't seem to get ahead/on top of anything at the moment, but it will pass. the evil loan guy actually called me at work last night and left a message with nick at the front desk. it's getting embarrassing. i still won't call him back. i don't know what more to tell him other than "i - can't - pay - you." he really doesn't need to keep hounding me, it's not like if he keeps harassing me and disrupting my life all of a sudden i'll come across that hidden $16K under the bed...
but also, my friend bought me a food processor out of the blue. my life is ok.
anyway, enough about me. sad news: weekend records and soap is closing. sadder still: i never bought anything there. other than that, i can't think of anything exciting going on. sinister luck is playing a show at the hothouse and i am scared to go, that i will be the only one there. not to mention i can't afford to go out at all, ever, that even library fines are too much for me...
ok apparently i am in a boring and whiny mood so that's all for this blog today. oh and i stopped eating refined sugar starting yesterday, and i am endeavoring to only eat veggies, fruits and whole grains for a while, until i start to lose weight and feel better. and the y 2 times a week. and i am not drinking enough water so i finally found the missing piece and hooked up my sink filter. i'm getting there...
but also, my friend bought me a food processor out of the blue. my life is ok.
anyway, enough about me. sad news: weekend records and soap is closing. sadder still: i never bought anything there. other than that, i can't think of anything exciting going on. sinister luck is playing a show at the hothouse and i am scared to go, that i will be the only one there. not to mention i can't afford to go out at all, ever, that even library fines are too much for me...
ok apparently i am in a boring and whiny mood so that's all for this blog today. oh and i stopped eating refined sugar starting yesterday, and i am endeavoring to only eat veggies, fruits and whole grains for a while, until i start to lose weight and feel better. and the y 2 times a week. and i am not drinking enough water so i finally found the missing piece and hooked up my sink filter. i'm getting there...
Friday, October 31
last night i fell asleep pretty early; i was reading about mary vs. elizabeth and my roommate took off for dekalb, and it was nice and quiet, and then i got up from the couch with my 'great feuds in history' book and just got under the covers with my clothes on and conked out. then i was in the middle of a dream that i was in another apartment, higher up than my current one, it was old but painted white with and i had a lot of family and friends over for some kind of party - i remember my cousin julie being there. anyway, in that dream, it became apparent that some of my hanging plants were emitting smoke - not flames but just slowly burning smokeyness and the leaves were turning black, because people were putting out cigarettes in them? - which was a little weird because it was a non-rowdy, adult party, and the plants were hanging pretty high up on hangers behind the sheer white curtains.
so then i started having other, shorter, nonsequitor dreams, and suddenly i was awake - the clock said it was 4:09am, and there were colored lights swirling around my room, coming in all four windows from 4 police cars and a fire engine plus another, orange-y source to the right - i ran to look below my window to where my car was parked, right along the sidewalk of my sidestreet, and at first all i could see were flames - they were pouring out of the top of a small black sedan - shooting straight up like heatmiser hair - getting awfully close to my window and the trees. my first thought was that it was my car, of course, and the rest of the benefit show posters and tickets were in there, and what the hell was i gonna do about that?! then i looked again and miraculously, my car was fine, parked in front of the burning one. i had to look a few times more for the distinctions - no front license plate, dent and keyscratch, permit sticker in the window - my car was safe! but it was just a few feet from the flames, so i put my hair up and fumbled in my closet for something - shoes, always a mess even in daylight - and ran downstairs and outside with my keys. i don't even remember where i found those. the first policeman, whom i later knew as the loudest and most f-word using one, came up to stop me from getting close to the fire. "is that your car?" he asked, and i shook my head: "...no, the one in front - can i move it? can i just move mine?" he said no, don't worry, they are taking care of it. and they were. i just watched, (open-mouthed, probably), as they dumped water through the roof opening and the broken out windsheild, and finally i asked him what happened - he mumbled something about "electrical."
so i went back upstairs in my daze and watched for a little while more, sort of half asleep. they opened the hood and just soaked it with water, back and forth, drenching every inch of the insides. the fire was out, i went back to bed but couldn't sleep. why didn't they let me move my car? it was 5am now. the poilcemen stayed and talked about the department and rollcall remarks and who was on who's side and what the hell were they fucking thinking and other "fucking asshole" shoptalk things. i strained to listen and considered opening a window to hear better, thinking that maybe there were juicy police and fire dept secrets being spilled, but it started to not matter. i was cold, and tired, and i still hadn't come up with a halloween costume. i have never heard more stereotypical chicago cop accents in my life. i worried that they'd give me a ticket for my license plate problem. i wish i had a recording, sort of, of their griping, plus a video of the fire opening the top of that car and trying to reach up for my window. and i wish i had someone with me, who could share the wonder and muted panic and help me get back to sleep.
so then i started having other, shorter, nonsequitor dreams, and suddenly i was awake - the clock said it was 4:09am, and there were colored lights swirling around my room, coming in all four windows from 4 police cars and a fire engine plus another, orange-y source to the right - i ran to look below my window to where my car was parked, right along the sidewalk of my sidestreet, and at first all i could see were flames - they were pouring out of the top of a small black sedan - shooting straight up like heatmiser hair - getting awfully close to my window and the trees. my first thought was that it was my car, of course, and the rest of the benefit show posters and tickets were in there, and what the hell was i gonna do about that?! then i looked again and miraculously, my car was fine, parked in front of the burning one. i had to look a few times more for the distinctions - no front license plate, dent and keyscratch, permit sticker in the window - my car was safe! but it was just a few feet from the flames, so i put my hair up and fumbled in my closet for something - shoes, always a mess even in daylight - and ran downstairs and outside with my keys. i don't even remember where i found those. the first policeman, whom i later knew as the loudest and most f-word using one, came up to stop me from getting close to the fire. "is that your car?" he asked, and i shook my head: "...no, the one in front - can i move it? can i just move mine?" he said no, don't worry, they are taking care of it. and they were. i just watched, (open-mouthed, probably), as they dumped water through the roof opening and the broken out windsheild, and finally i asked him what happened - he mumbled something about "electrical."
so i went back upstairs in my daze and watched for a little while more, sort of half asleep. they opened the hood and just soaked it with water, back and forth, drenching every inch of the insides. the fire was out, i went back to bed but couldn't sleep. why didn't they let me move my car? it was 5am now. the poilcemen stayed and talked about the department and rollcall remarks and who was on who's side and what the hell were they fucking thinking and other "fucking asshole" shoptalk things. i strained to listen and considered opening a window to hear better, thinking that maybe there were juicy police and fire dept secrets being spilled, but it started to not matter. i was cold, and tired, and i still hadn't come up with a halloween costume. i have never heard more stereotypical chicago cop accents in my life. i worried that they'd give me a ticket for my license plate problem. i wish i had a recording, sort of, of their griping, plus a video of the fire opening the top of that car and trying to reach up for my window. and i wish i had someone with me, who could share the wonder and muted panic and help me get back to sleep.
Tuesday, October 28
hi ... sorry for the little break. i have been working on the show and it is very very exciting, though press coverage has been a little light for my taste. i think closer to the date people might pick it up. hope.
here's the lovely poster by sheila sachs with pete krebs' art:
if you lived in chicago you might've already seen it hanging in record stores, hungry brain, the skylark, the rainbo club, leo's, etc...
here's the lovely poster by sheila sachs with pete krebs' art:
if you lived in chicago you might've already seen it hanging in record stores, hungry brain, the skylark, the rainbo club, leo's, etc...
Wednesday, October 22
rest in peace.
 |
Sunday, October 19
family night
i had a blast tonight -- a whirlwind of seeing 19 members of my maternal-side family (oh my god it was so loud), plus the dog, in my parents' not-huge 2br condo, eating too much, spilling red wine on my new red shirt, then jetting at midnight to see the handsome family's excellent show at the abbey, where i did not see any good potential-date guys, but did get to see and talk to two of my very favorite taken guys (and two of my foxy lady friends) so that was just fine, for now.
and i worked for a few hours, checked out 6(!) new books from the library, had a delicious persian lunch, and even took care of some benefit show business. a great day and night. tomorrow: read, paint, learn to silkscreen, and get first haircut in almost a year. right now though?: sleep. good night.
i had a blast tonight -- a whirlwind of seeing 19 members of my maternal-side family (oh my god it was so loud), plus the dog, in my parents' not-huge 2br condo, eating too much, spilling red wine on my new red shirt, then jetting at midnight to see the handsome family's excellent show at the abbey, where i did not see any good potential-date guys, but did get to see and talk to two of my very favorite taken guys (and two of my foxy lady friends) so that was just fine, for now.
and i worked for a few hours, checked out 6(!) new books from the library, had a delicious persian lunch, and even took care of some benefit show business. a great day and night. tomorrow: read, paint, learn to silkscreen, and get first haircut in almost a year. right now though?: sleep. good night.
Wednesday, October 15
so the cubs lost last night which means it's all crazy and all i know is i have tickets to The Hours of the Day at the film fest at 6:45. so i could either emerge into a happy or a very sad chicago -- or a tense one, if they are still playing, which is sorta the status quo anyway.
on monday night i went to a very interesting panel discussion (part of the festival) about creating a local film industry, and i admit i mainly went to size up a couple of people for job possibilities--the heads of the chicago film office (quiet, down to earth but somehow political-seeming chicagoy guy, ex-production person i'd guess) and the illinois film office (overacheiving real estate tycoon woman who just decided recently to be interested in film and is now the head of the illinois film office - ? yikes). anyway, during the panel a lot came up, mainly about chicago being the perfect city for a film industry in every single way, and i noted that the audience for the panel was a very freaky assortment of egos and wackos there for the food (one fell asleep in my row, and the other was behind me, muttering through her mustache and making exclamatory noises randomly during panelist banter), some other, very well-dressed young professionals, and then me with my air-dried hair, purple thrift store skirt, and black hooded sweatshirt. the panel was held at the hilton gardens, downtown, in a street-level conference room with shaded floor-to-ceiling windows onto the grand ave. sidewalk. the six panelists sat at a long table with their backs to these windows, and the audience faced out, unfortunately, so we had perfect seats for the hundreds (no exaggeration) of jokers who, while walking past on the sidewalk, waved wildly at us, or made goofy faces pressed up to the glass, or--the best--a few people who took giant, grandiose bows or hilarious versions of we-are-the-champions gestures. it got to be very funny, but embarrasing that that many people, in this city we were trying to raise up, are such complete dorks. i wanted to go close all of the blinds, but then i would be the spectacle, which is a no no no-no. the panelists had no idea.
the best insight of the evening came from bruce sheridan, a new zealand video/film director who's now heading columbia college's film program. he said that the one thing that shoots chicago in the foot, and that we gotta get away from as a city, is our hard-working, service mentality, because the mindset is that the geniuses are elsewhere, and you eventually have to GO elsewhere to make something happen. i think that is an incredibly dead-on assessment. it's the protestant work ethic mixed with midwestern humility -- both, along with hospitable friendliness and down-to-earthiness, are conspiring to downplay the wealth of treasures, human, geographical and otherwise, that sit underappreciated here. that's exaclty that pull i am feeling away from here, like the sparks aren't here and i might lose mine if i stay too long. maybe i can do a thing or two to change that.
and then wendy sent me a rob brezny horoscope that basically says: here it is, right in front of you--take it now or leave it!, and so i am hoping that this IS actually it and finally some signs will light up about what i'm here on earth to do and be. maybe during the movie? maybe on my way to kinko's in a few minutes. certainly not while writing this. i have to be ready. i feel like some insane superfervently religious kid who's read too many lives-of-the-saints-ish tales, and is waking up every day convinced that god will strike her blind, or some such calamity, and is excited for it.
but now i'm off to kinko's. and to find a printer to make up my letterhead and business cards...! later, sd
on monday night i went to a very interesting panel discussion (part of the festival) about creating a local film industry, and i admit i mainly went to size up a couple of people for job possibilities--the heads of the chicago film office (quiet, down to earth but somehow political-seeming chicagoy guy, ex-production person i'd guess) and the illinois film office (overacheiving real estate tycoon woman who just decided recently to be interested in film and is now the head of the illinois film office - ? yikes). anyway, during the panel a lot came up, mainly about chicago being the perfect city for a film industry in every single way, and i noted that the audience for the panel was a very freaky assortment of egos and wackos there for the food (one fell asleep in my row, and the other was behind me, muttering through her mustache and making exclamatory noises randomly during panelist banter), some other, very well-dressed young professionals, and then me with my air-dried hair, purple thrift store skirt, and black hooded sweatshirt. the panel was held at the hilton gardens, downtown, in a street-level conference room with shaded floor-to-ceiling windows onto the grand ave. sidewalk. the six panelists sat at a long table with their backs to these windows, and the audience faced out, unfortunately, so we had perfect seats for the hundreds (no exaggeration) of jokers who, while walking past on the sidewalk, waved wildly at us, or made goofy faces pressed up to the glass, or--the best--a few people who took giant, grandiose bows or hilarious versions of we-are-the-champions gestures. it got to be very funny, but embarrasing that that many people, in this city we were trying to raise up, are such complete dorks. i wanted to go close all of the blinds, but then i would be the spectacle, which is a no no no-no. the panelists had no idea.
the best insight of the evening came from bruce sheridan, a new zealand video/film director who's now heading columbia college's film program. he said that the one thing that shoots chicago in the foot, and that we gotta get away from as a city, is our hard-working, service mentality, because the mindset is that the geniuses are elsewhere, and you eventually have to GO elsewhere to make something happen. i think that is an incredibly dead-on assessment. it's the protestant work ethic mixed with midwestern humility -- both, along with hospitable friendliness and down-to-earthiness, are conspiring to downplay the wealth of treasures, human, geographical and otherwise, that sit underappreciated here. that's exaclty that pull i am feeling away from here, like the sparks aren't here and i might lose mine if i stay too long. maybe i can do a thing or two to change that.
and then wendy sent me a rob brezny horoscope that basically says: here it is, right in front of you--take it now or leave it!, and so i am hoping that this IS actually it and finally some signs will light up about what i'm here on earth to do and be. maybe during the movie? maybe on my way to kinko's in a few minutes. certainly not while writing this. i have to be ready. i feel like some insane superfervently religious kid who's read too many lives-of-the-saints-ish tales, and is waking up every day convinced that god will strike her blind, or some such calamity, and is excited for it.
but now i'm off to kinko's. and to find a printer to make up my letterhead and business cards...! later, sd
Friday, October 10
| Yea--go cubs! (all times central) |
Game 3: Chi @ Fla, Fri 7p Game 4: Chi @ Fla, Sat 6:30p Game 5: Chi @ Fla, Sun 3p Game 6: Fla @ Chi, Tue 7p (if nec.) Game 7: Fla @ Chi, Wed 7p |
Thursday, October 9
hey! it's thursday. i was in a meeting all day and now have to figure out what to try to finish by 6pm. but the good news is... i got a bike today! donated by a lovely and talented friend, whose boys i babysat last night for 2 hours. a pretty nice trade, i'd say. and i had a great time with her kids.
and it's about time for me to be riding again! i've really missed it. i am so so so hating driving in chicago, esp. with playoff game traffic and my poor car in desperate need of work.
on the radio today, i heard a reporter covering the cubs say she's truly concerned about the crowds of uncontrollable fans (raving drunken stupid people) --that they're acting aggressively. she said it was a serious problem -- she'd never seen it so bad -- and that if that vibe intensifies (whether cubs win or lose), there will be violence and people will get hurt.
is anyone out there, like me, not at all surprised by this? that sports fans can turn something that is wholesome and positive -- possibly unifying even -- into a chaotic, fearful event to which you can't bring your kid or attend alone? i used to go to cub games as a girl with my grandfather, uncle, dad, cousins, etc. we went on the el from the noyes stop in evanston, transferred at howard, to the a train, stopped at addison, and went to our (usually bleacher) seats for hot dogs, remedial lessons in baseball scoring, and pre-show dugout scanning for our favorite players. it was always a blast. i'm sad that a few stupid people -- or a mob of them i guess -- are making those games scary rather than fun.
in benefit show news, everything is almost set. i had a little setback re: ticket sales -- the biggest (and my favorite) record store, reckless, is not selling tickets for live shows anymore, which sucks. i guess the cops came in and demanded a license, so they're not doing it at all.
plus, one of the bands is a little new at this so i am worried about their high maintenance and the coddling i'm having to do. luckily, the other guys are amazingly cool and very professional and it'll be a lovely experience to work with them.
i am getting excited. but i'm also a little run down and need to work on my sleep regulation. i think i'll keep track here for a while so i am accountable (sorry to bore you).
last night:
got home-10:30, went to sleep-3:15 (total hometime-4.75), got up-9:30
(total sleep-6.25).
xosd
and it's about time for me to be riding again! i've really missed it. i am so so so hating driving in chicago, esp. with playoff game traffic and my poor car in desperate need of work.
on the radio today, i heard a reporter covering the cubs say she's truly concerned about the crowds of uncontrollable fans (raving drunken stupid people) --that they're acting aggressively. she said it was a serious problem -- she'd never seen it so bad -- and that if that vibe intensifies (whether cubs win or lose), there will be violence and people will get hurt.
is anyone out there, like me, not at all surprised by this? that sports fans can turn something that is wholesome and positive -- possibly unifying even -- into a chaotic, fearful event to which you can't bring your kid or attend alone? i used to go to cub games as a girl with my grandfather, uncle, dad, cousins, etc. we went on the el from the noyes stop in evanston, transferred at howard, to the a train, stopped at addison, and went to our (usually bleacher) seats for hot dogs, remedial lessons in baseball scoring, and pre-show dugout scanning for our favorite players. it was always a blast. i'm sad that a few stupid people -- or a mob of them i guess -- are making those games scary rather than fun.
in benefit show news, everything is almost set. i had a little setback re: ticket sales -- the biggest (and my favorite) record store, reckless, is not selling tickets for live shows anymore, which sucks. i guess the cops came in and demanded a license, so they're not doing it at all.
plus, one of the bands is a little new at this so i am worried about their high maintenance and the coddling i'm having to do. luckily, the other guys are amazingly cool and very professional and it'll be a lovely experience to work with them.
i am getting excited. but i'm also a little run down and need to work on my sleep regulation. i think i'll keep track here for a while so i am accountable (sorry to bore you).
last night:
got home-10:30, went to sleep-3:15 (total hometime-4.75), got up-9:30
(total sleep-6.25).
xosd
Monday, October 6
hey. it's been a sorta big weekend--jam packed and a lot of running around, and a lot of lateness and driving... i missed the manishevitz show i went to see sat. night at the hideout, but stayed, and danced, and yea! my favorite dj, matt fields agreed to dj at the benefit! i wanted to list all of the home projects i've done in the last month, but the list would be giant, so i might have to do that one later. i did go alley shopping last week (oct. 1st is the big moving day in chicago) and got a TON of good loot, including:
-2 tall floor lamps
-1 cool canister floor lamp that really helps my cavernous and oddly shaped living room
-3 red metal table legs (i thought i got all 4--damn!)
-2 folding wooden tv trays
-2 excellent 50s-ish white vinyl/chrome kitchen chairs
-1 tall stool, which my tall roommate has taken for his own
-1 telephone table
-1 nice, pretty ceramic planter filled with growing herbs in great condition -1 cute recycling can
-1 old dark piano bench that's (for) now a perfect plant stand
-1 big huge plant pot so i can repot my ficus
...so i did pretty well, and it was fun. if i had a bigger car i would have gotten even more, which is probaby a good thing--but at 2am, weary and with a full carload, i was taunted by a great bookcase, glass-top table and microwave, among other things. but i sure don't need to accumulate.
speaking of cars, today i went to the evil payday loan place (to pay off!) where i squeezed into a parking space next to someone who was illegally sitting, with their flashers on, in the handicapped spot, and when i opened my driver's side door, very slowly, i bumped (lightly tapped, even) their passenger-side side mirror. i said, "i'm sorry!" into the open-a-crack, tinted window (i couldn't see the person inside) and went on to hand over my hard-earned cash, and a few minutes later, when i came out, there it was: a fresh, long key scratch across the back door of my car.
?
so the question is: why are people so full of hate? not like you'll notice on my super-dented trouble-mobile, and not that i care personally, but i worry about society when stuff like that happens. it's sad.
and the other question is: when is sex & the city season 5 coming out on DVD? or buffy season 6? what is this? i now have king of the hill season 1 disc 1 on the way from netfilx...
also, if you are looking for cds to burn for me i still really need to get the new handsome family and the new josh ritter and the new blacky ranchette thingie and others i just can't think of now...
-2 tall floor lamps
-1 cool canister floor lamp that really helps my cavernous and oddly shaped living room
-3 red metal table legs (i thought i got all 4--damn!)
-2 folding wooden tv trays
-2 excellent 50s-ish white vinyl/chrome kitchen chairs
-1 tall stool, which my tall roommate has taken for his own
-1 telephone table
-1 nice, pretty ceramic planter filled with growing herbs in great condition -1 cute recycling can
-1 old dark piano bench that's (for) now a perfect plant stand
-1 big huge plant pot so i can repot my ficus
...so i did pretty well, and it was fun. if i had a bigger car i would have gotten even more, which is probaby a good thing--but at 2am, weary and with a full carload, i was taunted by a great bookcase, glass-top table and microwave, among other things. but i sure don't need to accumulate.
speaking of cars, today i went to the evil payday loan place (to pay off!) where i squeezed into a parking space next to someone who was illegally sitting, with their flashers on, in the handicapped spot, and when i opened my driver's side door, very slowly, i bumped (lightly tapped, even) their passenger-side side mirror. i said, "i'm sorry!" into the open-a-crack, tinted window (i couldn't see the person inside) and went on to hand over my hard-earned cash, and a few minutes later, when i came out, there it was: a fresh, long key scratch across the back door of my car.
?
so the question is: why are people so full of hate? not like you'll notice on my super-dented trouble-mobile, and not that i care personally, but i worry about society when stuff like that happens. it's sad.
and the other question is: when is sex & the city season 5 coming out on DVD? or buffy season 6? what is this? i now have king of the hill season 1 disc 1 on the way from netfilx...
also, if you are looking for cds to burn for me i still really need to get the new handsome family and the new josh ritter and the new blacky ranchette thingie and others i just can't think of now...
Friday, October 3
for the third time today i'm starting to write a post; the past two have been inexplicably erased by my computer and/or by blogger. so the short version is: i'm happy today--it's rainy and sorta cold, but -- chicago is so great and beautiful even wet in the fall, it is friday, the film festival is on, i got a raise and kind words @ my moonlighting job, i bought a new, cute red journal/book, i am completing some intense home projects--including finishing the table i built (yes, my very own table!) and beginning on the closet improvements, tina's coming over for a sewing lesson next week, and i have homework for that already, and peter's shared his pretty great life/chart/strategy thing with me, which i am excited to try out. and you know what? it's 5:00. i'm gonna eat my yogurt and scram. happy birthday amanda b. d.!! xosd
Monday, September 29
so: yesterday, on my first day off for months from all of my jobs, i slept until 4:30pm, got a cold, realized that i don't know how to start or run my ancient, giant, gas heater and either i don't have storm windows or i don't know how to lower them, watched half of a season of sex in the city and still think they dress those gals riDICulously bad, wished again that i had seen the show before meeting my last boyfriend. as stupid as that show is, it's chock full of info about men--well, people--and patterns, also decided to be healthy after eating a bunch of chocolate, and bought really expensive wood that doesn't fit in my closet. and: the annoying pain has waned, and i will be seeing the doctor next week to confirm that i am a-ok.
the benefit i am putting together is going swimmingly, and will be super fun, but i have so much to get together in the next couple of weeks. the coolest thing is that doors are swinging open for me when i pursue people and things for it...a good sign from the universe that i am doing the right thing.
i am overweight again and having an annoying psychological relapse into the self i was a couple of years ago, where i don't REALLY look at myself and see my body and therefore don't care for it as well and regard/display it well. i need to get back to a better relationship with ol' girl if i'm to take happy me seriously and start prioritizing the act of living. it's really profound and sad to think of the different ways people subtly, unconsciously try to kill themselves right under everyone's noses...
ugh--what a bad note to end on! well, it's monday and i actually haven't eaten yet or returned phone calls. what do you expect? have a good week...xosd
the benefit i am putting together is going swimmingly, and will be super fun, but i have so much to get together in the next couple of weeks. the coolest thing is that doors are swinging open for me when i pursue people and things for it...a good sign from the universe that i am doing the right thing.
i am overweight again and having an annoying psychological relapse into the self i was a couple of years ago, where i don't REALLY look at myself and see my body and therefore don't care for it as well and regard/display it well. i need to get back to a better relationship with ol' girl if i'm to take happy me seriously and start prioritizing the act of living. it's really profound and sad to think of the different ways people subtly, unconsciously try to kill themselves right under everyone's noses...
ugh--what a bad note to end on! well, it's monday and i actually haven't eaten yet or returned phone calls. what do you expect? have a good week...xosd
Friday, September 26
tmi warning
ouch. it hurts a lot in my previously mentioned girlyparts area, but the doctor's office is, of course, at lunch from 12-1, and this is the longest hour ever. i think this might be more serious than i thought...or else i am a wuss, which could easily be true. or being extra tired is exascerbating the whole thing/my perception/etc.
(i worked til 3 last night. 3!)
wish me luck. i wish i had a honey to take care of me right now.
ouch. it hurts a lot in my previously mentioned girlyparts area, but the doctor's office is, of course, at lunch from 12-1, and this is the longest hour ever. i think this might be more serious than i thought...or else i am a wuss, which could easily be true. or being extra tired is exascerbating the whole thing/my perception/etc.
(i worked til 3 last night. 3!)
wish me luck. i wish i had a honey to take care of me right now.
Thursday, September 25
so, it's been a doozy of a couple weeks. good girlfriend wendy from portland was here and i had a great time visiting with her though i feel i was rather sluggish in my hosting ability. going out on the town with said girlfriend made me realize that i need to have my boyscopes on more often, and that if i am aware of the fact that (and act as though) a nice boy (or makeout in wendy lingo!) is just around the corner, i will bring that to me. i hope she was right. i have faith for the first time in months.
i've been keeping this insane schedule involving copy machines, candy, concerts, very little sleep that happens after climbing awkwardly over the mountains of yet unpacked clothing and household goods that lead to my bed, no exercise, no reading, knitting, or movie-watching. i've even missed the past few MI-5s! yipes! that reminds me that i need to contact the film fest volunteer lady. i bet i won't be able to do it, but maybe... it's funny because she wants me to do hospitality (the hospitality manager job is one i was offered a couple months ago but turned down due to the heinous money versus time ratio), and i think that would be just a little too much skill to give them for free for a volunteer gig. i 'd rather tear tickets or something mindless so i can be stress-free and open to meeting people.
i work in a pretty visible and "cool" job on weekends that most people think is a perfect place to meet new people, but frankly i am never relaxed enough, or open enough to things outside of my work at those times to either notice others or have them notice me.
i miss my friends and people that i have longer-distance connections to and these are the times, when i am super busy and can't even make phone calls, that i want to connect with them the most.
heart update: even with the fatigue i have been having better/good feelings about the ego that broke my heart and am in a much more solid place about it and him. (though i do i miss him now that it's fall as i was pretty deep in love and knee-deep in the label at this time last year.) i am really open to him reaching out, but that is something i can't--and don't want to--wait for or expect. and i have to check myself from making an effort in his direction because that's where things went really wrong, me doing all of the reaching out.
health update: i have been having lots of tiny skin flare-ups, but nothing really serious, and have also been having quite a lot of pain in my left ovary area. it's been months, but almost daily lately. so i am hoping it is just a cyst and nothing more serious. though a cyst is yucky, right? i see my gyn in a week or so, so...
these days i am just thinking about what it takes to make my life the way i want it, regardless of anyone else, and i realize there is money involved, and regulation that i can't currently hold up -- you know? but i am working on the money part. and it is sort of difficult but understandable that no one really gets this -- that working this much/3 jobs is necessary for me, on my salary, to get up to where most people are with 1 job, and that making these choices is a big, responsible move on my part that needs support. i wouldn't be doing any of it if i didn't feel like it was a good solution, and the clucking "you're so crazy for working so much" or "you need to take time for you" comments are well-intentioned but make me defensively question something i need to do to survive right now. so it's weird. and now i am worried that people who have said things are reading this and are feeling defensive or that i am mad at them, but it's not about that, so no one should feel bad! i am just thinking things through here.
and hmm, i am still in setting up and unpacking phase at the apartment (you can imagine; with less than 6 hours at home in the past few days) and am needing some specific things still, which is fun because i scour the garage sales and classifieds and thrift stores.
my current to-get-or-make list:
- huge, perfect superflat/smooth table for sewing and crafts
- curtains for everywhere
- 2 kitchen counter/tables (1 for microwave, one as a counter)
- folding room divider screen
- something thin for bathroom to put all my crap in
- bolster pillow or daybed frame (if free)
- heavy duty used painting easel (like the one i sold in iowa city for SO cheap...)
- (eventually) small computer table for bedroom with chair
- really good skillet/frying pan
i really want to go to ikea now. maybe i just will. no! i'm going to a friend's for corn chowder and then to make copies til 2am. wish me luck standing up that long...love and promises of no long waits again, sd
i've been keeping this insane schedule involving copy machines, candy, concerts, very little sleep that happens after climbing awkwardly over the mountains of yet unpacked clothing and household goods that lead to my bed, no exercise, no reading, knitting, or movie-watching. i've even missed the past few MI-5s! yipes! that reminds me that i need to contact the film fest volunteer lady. i bet i won't be able to do it, but maybe... it's funny because she wants me to do hospitality (the hospitality manager job is one i was offered a couple months ago but turned down due to the heinous money versus time ratio), and i think that would be just a little too much skill to give them for free for a volunteer gig. i 'd rather tear tickets or something mindless so i can be stress-free and open to meeting people.
i work in a pretty visible and "cool" job on weekends that most people think is a perfect place to meet new people, but frankly i am never relaxed enough, or open enough to things outside of my work at those times to either notice others or have them notice me.
i miss my friends and people that i have longer-distance connections to and these are the times, when i am super busy and can't even make phone calls, that i want to connect with them the most.
heart update: even with the fatigue i have been having better/good feelings about the ego that broke my heart and am in a much more solid place about it and him. (though i do i miss him now that it's fall as i was pretty deep in love and knee-deep in the label at this time last year.) i am really open to him reaching out, but that is something i can't--and don't want to--wait for or expect. and i have to check myself from making an effort in his direction because that's where things went really wrong, me doing all of the reaching out.
health update: i have been having lots of tiny skin flare-ups, but nothing really serious, and have also been having quite a lot of pain in my left ovary area. it's been months, but almost daily lately. so i am hoping it is just a cyst and nothing more serious. though a cyst is yucky, right? i see my gyn in a week or so, so...
these days i am just thinking about what it takes to make my life the way i want it, regardless of anyone else, and i realize there is money involved, and regulation that i can't currently hold up -- you know? but i am working on the money part. and it is sort of difficult but understandable that no one really gets this -- that working this much/3 jobs is necessary for me, on my salary, to get up to where most people are with 1 job, and that making these choices is a big, responsible move on my part that needs support. i wouldn't be doing any of it if i didn't feel like it was a good solution, and the clucking "you're so crazy for working so much" or "you need to take time for you" comments are well-intentioned but make me defensively question something i need to do to survive right now. so it's weird. and now i am worried that people who have said things are reading this and are feeling defensive or that i am mad at them, but it's not about that, so no one should feel bad! i am just thinking things through here.
and hmm, i am still in setting up and unpacking phase at the apartment (you can imagine; with less than 6 hours at home in the past few days) and am needing some specific things still, which is fun because i scour the garage sales and classifieds and thrift stores.
my current to-get-or-make list:
- huge, perfect superflat/smooth table for sewing and crafts
- curtains for everywhere
- 2 kitchen counter/tables (1 for microwave, one as a counter)
- folding room divider screen
- something thin for bathroom to put all my crap in
- bolster pillow or daybed frame (if free)
- heavy duty used painting easel (like the one i sold in iowa city for SO cheap...)
- (eventually) small computer table for bedroom with chair
- really good skillet/frying pan
i really want to go to ikea now. maybe i just will. no! i'm going to a friend's for corn chowder and then to make copies til 2am. wish me luck standing up that long...love and promises of no long waits again, sd
thought for the day
this is definitely not a world for smart, totally open, late-blooming, interested, authentic renaissance girls with short attention spans and small egos.
more later. xosd
this is definitely not a world for smart, totally open, late-blooming, interested, authentic renaissance girls with short attention spans and small egos.
more later. xosd
Thursday, September 18
hi i am so tired. sorry for no posts. xosd
Tuesday, September 9
currently i am restraining myself from the following things:
1) buying too much stuff i can't afford for my new apartment
2) crying (at some points throughout the day it's been a losing battle)
3) reaching out (again) to the unfeeling person who broke my heart
4) eating 100% candy and junk food all the time and drinking regular coke
5) quitting my job outright and just walking out ... right ... now...
6) becoming a go-out-every-night lush just so that i can have an excuse to find someone to do it with
7) starting random unfinishable projects like painting my apartment, which i have no time for
8) saying i'll call (work-related) people back when i really know i won't
1) buying too much stuff i can't afford for my new apartment
2) crying (at some points throughout the day it's been a losing battle)
3) reaching out (again) to the unfeeling person who broke my heart
4) eating 100% candy and junk food all the time and drinking regular coke
5) quitting my job outright and just walking out ... right ... now...
6) becoming a go-out-every-night lush just so that i can have an excuse to find someone to do it with
7) starting random unfinishable projects like painting my apartment, which i have no time for
8) saying i'll call (work-related) people back when i really know i won't
Thursday, September 4
ok, i was in the downstairs bathroom (first week of classes at work) washing my hands, when i heard this tiny voice coming from the right side of stalls. and here is the conversation that followed -- the part of it i heard before running out and up the stairs to burst a gut laughing in colleen's office:
"mama?"
"uh huh?"
"mine is like little cupcakes"
(mama laughing nervously from her own stall)
"my poo poos -- like little cupcakes!"
"ok..."
(silence)
then, muffled a little: "...cupcakes!"
"mama?"
"uh huh?"
"mine is like little cupcakes"
(mama laughing nervously from her own stall)
"my poo poos -- like little cupcakes!"
"ok..."
(silence)
then, muffled a little: "...cupcakes!"
Tuesday, September 2
i am too tired to tell about the insanity of moving from my horrible cellar to the lovely 2nd floor, 12-ft ceilinged fixer-upper that's now my home but it is done and i am now in the strange, slightly familiar space of "setting up for a new life." well, sorta. my roommate is great. i think that he smokes might even be ok with me. as long as he pays half of everything and doesn't take advantage of me or get bothered by the night crying.
i cried twice again, thinking about someone who hurt me/my feelings in a cold and seemingly permanent way. what is wrong inside him that lets him just go on like nothing happened? (and what's wrong in the people who know him that they let him?
if my injuries were on the outside, with visible evidence of the weapons used, would the people who know both of us act as they do now?)
is it more important to hold each other accountable for our actions, or to retain friends?
i think the way i'd answer that is in the very silent (and very lonely) minority.
it's weird: all my life i thought that the key to earthly happiness was loving and connecting with someone, and that is something i know i can and want to do, but there are so few people able to truly reciprocate, and i can't seem to find them--punished and mocked even as i look--so either i need to change the very core of my hope and beliefs about life and how to live it, or i need to adjust my expectations to the reality of being profoundly (in the realization of my state) alone, forever. maybe my frustration at those choices is what makes my living so difficult. do others just accept?
i think there are other people like me out there, but perhaps their detection sense is better? -- maybe they can find the right people, or learned to find them at a younger age, and never experience this kind of pain as an adult.
problem is, i wonder whether there's a way to fix my radar that doesn't involve being abused and abandoned ever again.
i cried twice again, thinking about someone who hurt me/my feelings in a cold and seemingly permanent way. what is wrong inside him that lets him just go on like nothing happened? (and what's wrong in the people who know him that they let him?
if my injuries were on the outside, with visible evidence of the weapons used, would the people who know both of us act as they do now?)
is it more important to hold each other accountable for our actions, or to retain friends?
i think the way i'd answer that is in the very silent (and very lonely) minority.
it's weird: all my life i thought that the key to earthly happiness was loving and connecting with someone, and that is something i know i can and want to do, but there are so few people able to truly reciprocate, and i can't seem to find them--punished and mocked even as i look--so either i need to change the very core of my hope and beliefs about life and how to live it, or i need to adjust my expectations to the reality of being profoundly (in the realization of my state) alone, forever. maybe my frustration at those choices is what makes my living so difficult. do others just accept?
i think there are other people like me out there, but perhaps their detection sense is better? -- maybe they can find the right people, or learned to find them at a younger age, and never experience this kind of pain as an adult.
problem is, i wonder whether there's a way to fix my radar that doesn't involve being abused and abandoned ever again.
Tuesday, August 26
ok: today is going great, esp. considering the strange night i had: worked til 8:15, sat in the car and talked to alicia (yea!) for a good hour and twenty minutes? and had to stay plugged in or my phone battery would die, started in on the last stripping stuff i had to do, and the light burned out, i ran out of stripper, and i was getting seriously eaten by bugs, but went into the closed garage and persevered, went to home depot at 12:15 to buy more supplies (i think i've spent more than $200 there in the last 3 weeks) and got into register-line conversations with a guy with a strange dented face and another guy with a giant foppy wig/hairpeice and a mennonite-looking woman bitchin' at him under her breath, goofed around with the demo security camera with 2 obsessed asian kids who spoke no english, got a hot dog and a dr. pepper for the way back to sheila's, power hand-sanded 4 out of 5 of the last cabinet doors, and started getting creeped out because it was soooo late (4am) and i kept hearing things crawling on the garage roof. then when i went outside, where it was all lightning, distant thunder and heavy air, to get the last cabinet and bring it inside to sand, and all of a sudden there was a man dressed only in shorts walking in the alley. he said hello, and i got really scared, but then i recognized his voice as the kindly german next-door neighbor--he just didn't have glasses or clothes on! i guess i had been keeping he and his wife up all night with the noise from the sander. i feel AWFUL! i thought i was ok in the closed garage but he said they slept with the bedroom window open, so...you know. ugh. then i packed up shop and went home, hung the completed doors and screwed in the handles for the drawers and knobs on the doors, primed the 4 unprimed doors, and made an insta ramen bowl (yes, i am eating disgustingly with my silverware and kitchen stuff all packed. leave me alone) and ate it while zoning out with a to-be-continued 'Matlock' episode where I got to see andy griffith doing step aerobics at age - like - 100. by then it was after 6:30am but was too tired to shower then and too gross and covered in chemical smell and sander debris to get between my clean flowery sheets so i slept the two hours on top of my quilt.
then i came to work and gave a very cool volunteer a basic computing lesson (after he finished helping make phone calls for me), and called the management company about my new place (it all sounds good but still not final! erg!), and got a phone call from an evanston copy shop owner to hire me for a temporary/project-y moonlighting job! yea! i am gonna make course packs for spoiled northwestern brats (remember i am a townie, folks, i am allowed to harbor ill will. plus, i know people who went there and know that it was seriously way easier than my cheap and less prestigious state school, the lovely university of iowa). but who cares about any of that because i need money! yea!
and tonight is my excellent and brilliant favorite show, MI-5, and i have yet to watch last week's episode, so it'll be a double feature at the condo while laundering my home-improvement and kickboard pageant costumes.
but before that, i am off: official-looking notebook, paint samples, and supply list in hand, to my brother's condo to talk about painting his place for him while he's vacationing in greece. not sure how much to charge yet, but i love the whole setup, it's fun to pretend to know what the hell i am doing. maybe i should be a handyman.
so sleepy. must leave now.xosd
then i came to work and gave a very cool volunteer a basic computing lesson (after he finished helping make phone calls for me), and called the management company about my new place (it all sounds good but still not final! erg!), and got a phone call from an evanston copy shop owner to hire me for a temporary/project-y moonlighting job! yea! i am gonna make course packs for spoiled northwestern brats (remember i am a townie, folks, i am allowed to harbor ill will. plus, i know people who went there and know that it was seriously way easier than my cheap and less prestigious state school, the lovely university of iowa). but who cares about any of that because i need money! yea!
and tonight is my excellent and brilliant favorite show, MI-5, and i have yet to watch last week's episode, so it'll be a double feature at the condo while laundering my home-improvement and kickboard pageant costumes.
but before that, i am off: official-looking notebook, paint samples, and supply list in hand, to my brother's condo to talk about painting his place for him while he's vacationing in greece. not sure how much to charge yet, but i love the whole setup, it's fun to pretend to know what the hell i am doing. maybe i should be a handyman.
so sleepy. must leave now.xosd
Monday, August 25
ok all is much better than it was prior to that last, exhausting entry. i tried to post from work on saturday, at the bottle rockets show, but a coworker closed me out before i published, which was a bummer (and somewhat embarrassing, because: did he read it?). not that a ton of thought goes into these ramblings, but it is hard to recapture thoughts and infuse events with the interest that they held for their fleeting moments of glory. but the news today is quite exciting: at my friend/boss's annual kickboard contest/pool party yesterday, on the first occasion i have been able to attend and enter the pageant, i won first place! for my sleeping beauty kickboard and performance!! even with a few things going wrong!!!
the contest scoring is:
30 possible points for costume
30 possible points for presentation (or performance)
30 possible points for board creativity/design
10 possible points for swim (to the end of the pool and back) with board-- penalties if stuff falls into the pool!
my kickboard concept was my nightstand; i covered it (thanks for the board peter!) in woodgrain contact paper and adorned it with things you might find on a nightstand: kleenex box, removable glass of water, two romance novels with sleep- and bed-related titles, an alarm clock, and, well ... a condom (for good luck). then i wore my pjs and robe and slippers, the latter two which i removed, and set the alarm, and went to "sleep," swimming on my back with my head on the floating pillow i made in a real pillow case, and tossing and turning a little and then waking up at one end for a sip of water, and waking up again to blow my nose, and then that was it. the alarm was sposed to go off at the end of the swim but it went off a couple minutes after i got out, which was fine because it was beeping while the judges were scoring the kickboards themselves. hilarious. and quite a surprise, because it was subtle compared to other entries--no music, no frills. my good friend and car-rider, sheila, was a celbrity judge, but i kept my board hidden from her on the way over, and she said didn't even score me the highest anyway, so it wasn't even rigged! cool huh? in LIFE's successes, maybe i'm not a top contender, but in colleen and mike's kickboard contest, i got news for you: i'm officially #1!!
i will have photos in a few days to show off my--ahem--genius. it was a lot of fun and nerve-wracking in that good way. a good pep-up for this tired girl. still haven't finished the cabinets. my clown landlords informed me today at about 3pm (when i was at home heating up a lean cuisine for lunch) that they were showing the apartment at 3:30, and when i looked at them incredulously, said "well, you said we could show the place between 3 and 6! you said you wouldn't be home!" but you know what? i STILL want notice when people are tromping through my home! and, then they implied that they'll be doing the same every day this week. great. nice respect for my privacy and my stuff. illinois law says 48 hours advance notice is required and that frequency should be "reasonable," i.e.; once a week. i am totally sure now: they are LUNATICS.
but that aside, i am catching up ok with work stuff except for a perplexing and oft-procrastinated series of workshops i programmed, and the disciplining of one of my senior faculty members. i just can't bring myself to do some things!
i have added a link to the list at right for my friend alison's blog--she's in austin, and i haven't kept up or seen her in years, but she just had a darling baby named * dulcie *, so that in itself, not to mention her blogging activity, endears her to me. thanks to alicia, newly austinized herself, for that connection!
ok: back to work and then on to a date with my pals nasty stripper and hand sander. wahoo! oh and p.s.: hats off to an underattended but lush and gorgeous performance friday by janet bean and the concertina wire; they were fantastic (as is the recording).
see you soon
xosd
the contest scoring is:
30 possible points for costume
30 possible points for presentation (or performance)
30 possible points for board creativity/design
10 possible points for swim (to the end of the pool and back) with board-- penalties if stuff falls into the pool!
my kickboard concept was my nightstand; i covered it (thanks for the board peter!) in woodgrain contact paper and adorned it with things you might find on a nightstand: kleenex box, removable glass of water, two romance novels with sleep- and bed-related titles, an alarm clock, and, well ... a condom (for good luck). then i wore my pjs and robe and slippers, the latter two which i removed, and set the alarm, and went to "sleep," swimming on my back with my head on the floating pillow i made in a real pillow case, and tossing and turning a little and then waking up at one end for a sip of water, and waking up again to blow my nose, and then that was it. the alarm was sposed to go off at the end of the swim but it went off a couple minutes after i got out, which was fine because it was beeping while the judges were scoring the kickboards themselves. hilarious. and quite a surprise, because it was subtle compared to other entries--no music, no frills. my good friend and car-rider, sheila, was a celbrity judge, but i kept my board hidden from her on the way over, and she said didn't even score me the highest anyway, so it wasn't even rigged! cool huh? in LIFE's successes, maybe i'm not a top contender, but in colleen and mike's kickboard contest, i got news for you: i'm officially #1!!
i will have photos in a few days to show off my--ahem--genius. it was a lot of fun and nerve-wracking in that good way. a good pep-up for this tired girl. still haven't finished the cabinets. my clown landlords informed me today at about 3pm (when i was at home heating up a lean cuisine for lunch) that they were showing the apartment at 3:30, and when i looked at them incredulously, said "well, you said we could show the place between 3 and 6! you said you wouldn't be home!" but you know what? i STILL want notice when people are tromping through my home! and, then they implied that they'll be doing the same every day this week. great. nice respect for my privacy and my stuff. illinois law says 48 hours advance notice is required and that frequency should be "reasonable," i.e.; once a week. i am totally sure now: they are LUNATICS.
but that aside, i am catching up ok with work stuff except for a perplexing and oft-procrastinated series of workshops i programmed, and the disciplining of one of my senior faculty members. i just can't bring myself to do some things!
i have added a link to the list at right for my friend alison's blog--she's in austin, and i haven't kept up or seen her in years, but she just had a darling baby named * dulcie *, so that in itself, not to mention her blogging activity, endears her to me. thanks to alicia, newly austinized herself, for that connection!
ok: back to work and then on to a date with my pals nasty stripper and hand sander. wahoo! oh and p.s.: hats off to an underattended but lush and gorgeous performance friday by janet bean and the concertina wire; they were fantastic (as is the recording).
see you soon
xosd
Friday, August 22
tonight i stripped 9 layers of paint from 9 50-year-old cabinet doors and 4 drawers. well, i almost stripped all that. it's still in progress even though i worked on it pretty relentlessly for 7 hours, in 105-degree heat. so as the sun went down, even though i have been in a pretty-good-if-annoyed-by-things-to-do mood, i just started crying, and it's continued for the next 4 or 5 hours. i hope it doesn't start up again, all of that sorrow i am trying to leave behind me, esp. with this move. i think moving out just brings it all back -- that i really was alone in my last move, too, even though i thought i was moving somewhere for us, and i must have known it, tried create hope by working on all of his career stuff while also packing, moving and working tons of hours--and while missing him, he was gone then, as usual--it reminds me that it was just me then as always, that even when i was with someone it was an illision, a hologram. i hate that i lost so much that year. to someone who can't even be bothered to recognize me.
mainly i can't believe it's me who is living this lonely life, esp. after trying so hard at everything for so long. it is unbelievable but i don't know what to do to change it.
and i am just hating all of this -- fixing!, moving!, cleaning!, packing!, boxing up my life -- alone, again, -- facing another fall without someone to care about me, no one really interested in what happens to me, no one hoping i am ok. well except jan the lazy man. ok ok ok i know this blog is read by people who care, and that this post is one big goddamn pity party and i apologize but give me a minute. it's fucking hard to do this! and almost impossible to go on after that kind of betrayal. it still hurts so much! and right now i do know i'm gonna be ok--but i'm just not, yet, i guess--and everything these days (even bright shiny mars, somehow) reminds me that i might be alone forever and that even my most real and heartfelt effort can't change that. ugh. i must have really fucked up in a past life, or in this one.
and, i have so much work to do right now-- not just the usual (which is a lot), but physical, real work, and there's nothing taking the edge of the pointlessness of all of it off. i just want someone to be in this with me--all the dumb stuff of my life with me. i want my own someone who cares that i cried all night tonight and that i am out way too late and might not find a parking place and that i am scared in my neighborhood alone and that even if i tell myself i am good and smart and pretty it sometimes just doesn't explain how completely i have been ignored and left. i can't stop crying still. like, does anyone really care whether or not i get my deposit back, or ever get a haircut again, or find anyone to help me move? i just feel shitty right now, i guess... the littlest things make me feel worthless again, unloveable -- i saw his bike that we picked out together, and the funny bell and stuff i got him for it, and this stupid paint-by-numbers picture i gave him for christmas that he left, half-painted, sitting there on the easel, both things alone, left behind and forgotten like me. he doesn't even want to know that i exist, off in fucking new york, picking up his girlfriend from work and pretending he never had my precious heart in his hands.
i need to get some sleep i think. wish me luck.
mainly i can't believe it's me who is living this lonely life, esp. after trying so hard at everything for so long. it is unbelievable but i don't know what to do to change it.
and i am just hating all of this -- fixing!, moving!, cleaning!, packing!, boxing up my life -- alone, again, -- facing another fall without someone to care about me, no one really interested in what happens to me, no one hoping i am ok. well except jan the lazy man. ok ok ok i know this blog is read by people who care, and that this post is one big goddamn pity party and i apologize but give me a minute. it's fucking hard to do this! and almost impossible to go on after that kind of betrayal. it still hurts so much! and right now i do know i'm gonna be ok--but i'm just not, yet, i guess--and everything these days (even bright shiny mars, somehow) reminds me that i might be alone forever and that even my most real and heartfelt effort can't change that. ugh. i must have really fucked up in a past life, or in this one.
and, i have so much work to do right now-- not just the usual (which is a lot), but physical, real work, and there's nothing taking the edge of the pointlessness of all of it off. i just want someone to be in this with me--all the dumb stuff of my life with me. i want my own someone who cares that i cried all night tonight and that i am out way too late and might not find a parking place and that i am scared in my neighborhood alone and that even if i tell myself i am good and smart and pretty it sometimes just doesn't explain how completely i have been ignored and left. i can't stop crying still. like, does anyone really care whether or not i get my deposit back, or ever get a haircut again, or find anyone to help me move? i just feel shitty right now, i guess... the littlest things make me feel worthless again, unloveable -- i saw his bike that we picked out together, and the funny bell and stuff i got him for it, and this stupid paint-by-numbers picture i gave him for christmas that he left, half-painted, sitting there on the easel, both things alone, left behind and forgotten like me. he doesn't even want to know that i exist, off in fucking new york, picking up his girlfriend from work and pretending he never had my precious heart in his hands.
i need to get some sleep i think. wish me luck.
Tuesday, August 19
ok. so it's all getting much much better. my never-met-in-the-flesh roommate seems extra super nice and is happy with the apt (though he's never seen IT in the flesh--he walked by yesterday), and i am getting more and more excited about its lovely situation: across from gas for less on one corner, jewel steps from the other, and woody's bbq, plus my current landlords and i settled everything with a written agreement about terminating the lease early and giving me back my deposit in full unless repairs will cut into that.
they are reasonable after all, maybe. and, best is that since i am moving in and taking over a lease for a very grateful couple, they're letting me move stuff in early, starting tomorrow!
i babysat last night for the cutest munchkin on the planet--in fact, mr. joefish is so damn nice and agreeable and lovely that i worry about a serious rebellion someday. i mean, if these are the terrible twos...
my friends' apartment is gorgeous, and homey and huge, and totally filled with their personalities and evidence of their newlywedded lovey-doveyness, which is so nice to be around but also a little sad. it makes me think that maybe true love is finding the person whose style and depth of love/commitment matches yours most closely. (how do you know??) that's why people say you can't pick who you fall in love with. it's a matter of matching values you're not even sure about or may not want to own. anyway: the two of whom i speak are obviously made for each other, and it makes me wonder if i will ever find that--or anything like it. guys out there must want the kind of thing i do, but then they don't see me in the starring role, or they do like me but then turn out to be abusive and terribly deceptive. they can't all be like that.
anyway there are so many things going on right now i am sort of going looney. if i haven't called you back (wm, honey!) or written you to find out how wisconsin was (tc i miss you!) please know that i think of you often and wish you could be here, helping me move...ha ha.
ok back to work. it's a beautiful day out again; makes me want to ditch it all and go for a long walk. i did that a few nights ago--just walked and kept on walking in lovely logan square. ended up being gone for an hour! i love that chicago summers last through september. we're coming up on the most lovely and favorite time of year.
have i told you how annoyed i am with the u.s. news outlets' fascination with new york and their freaking ONE DAY power outage? WHO THE HELL CARES? Things like this happen (and even happened this time) in other places -- all over the world in fact, and no one spends a week going on about the resiliancy and bravery of the Akron residents who have no water... or better, the tanzanians who use less than 1% of the electricity of new york but have outages for days on end, ane no power at all at night!! i am convinced that city produces, attracts, or promotes spoiled, self-centered brats. it's like the worst of america to be all up in arms about that. i like it that we were all reminded that nature is in charge, not us. it's embarrassing that the same city who is using enough energy to heat another country for a month just to power the hideous times square is the most identified "american" city. so: i apologize, people of the world--we americans are not all whiny, attention-seeking clowns who'll die without tv or from having to walk a few miles... (no wonder we're being bombed!)
they are reasonable after all, maybe. and, best is that since i am moving in and taking over a lease for a very grateful couple, they're letting me move stuff in early, starting tomorrow!
i babysat last night for the cutest munchkin on the planet--in fact, mr. joefish is so damn nice and agreeable and lovely that i worry about a serious rebellion someday. i mean, if these are the terrible twos...
my friends' apartment is gorgeous, and homey and huge, and totally filled with their personalities and evidence of their newlywedded lovey-doveyness, which is so nice to be around but also a little sad. it makes me think that maybe true love is finding the person whose style and depth of love/commitment matches yours most closely. (how do you know??) that's why people say you can't pick who you fall in love with. it's a matter of matching values you're not even sure about or may not want to own. anyway: the two of whom i speak are obviously made for each other, and it makes me wonder if i will ever find that--or anything like it. guys out there must want the kind of thing i do, but then they don't see me in the starring role, or they do like me but then turn out to be abusive and terribly deceptive. they can't all be like that.
anyway there are so many things going on right now i am sort of going looney. if i haven't called you back (wm, honey!) or written you to find out how wisconsin was (tc i miss you!) please know that i think of you often and wish you could be here, helping me move...ha ha.
ok back to work. it's a beautiful day out again; makes me want to ditch it all and go for a long walk. i did that a few nights ago--just walked and kept on walking in lovely logan square. ended up being gone for an hour! i love that chicago summers last through september. we're coming up on the most lovely and favorite time of year.
have i told you how annoyed i am with the u.s. news outlets' fascination with new york and their freaking ONE DAY power outage? WHO THE HELL CARES? Things like this happen (and even happened this time) in other places -- all over the world in fact, and no one spends a week going on about the resiliancy and bravery of the Akron residents who have no water... or better, the tanzanians who use less than 1% of the electricity of new york but have outages for days on end, ane no power at all at night!! i am convinced that city produces, attracts, or promotes spoiled, self-centered brats. it's like the worst of america to be all up in arms about that. i like it that we were all reminded that nature is in charge, not us. it's embarrassing that the same city who is using enough energy to heat another country for a month just to power the hideous times square is the most identified "american" city. so: i apologize, people of the world--we americans are not all whiny, attention-seeking clowns who'll die without tv or from having to walk a few miles... (no wonder we're being bombed!)
Friday, August 15
it's been a very very hectic week but i got to spend a lovely evening with good girlfriends on wed, had the storage truck come pick up a bunch of my stuff this morning, and i think i found a good apartment (fingers crossed), though it's in a recenty yuppifying and sorta boring neighborhood. (farther east than i wanted; sniffle--i like logan square!) anyway, now i must find roommate, and then on to finding some money to put a deposit down.
not that i have time, but i wanna go on a goddamn date! this time with no big hopes or promises of the future, but still! i think it's time. i will be wary if he mentions kids and marriage on the first date this time, i must remember! the future-promiser--a breed of man i never really knew about. sex and the city even talked about it: he says whatever it takes about the future to get what he wants in the present. i had no idea! but now i am warned. getting through the summer has been a steady climb out of depression and confusion. i slip back once in a while, when significant things and people remind me, but i think i'm gonna be ok. and i hope i can get out of debt a little too because that can really be a depression amplifier. like, i want to get a haircut for gods sake. or buy any NEW piece of clothing--neither of which i've done in 7 months. luckily i have long hair and way too many clothes already.
one problem is that my sandals are all looking pretty shabby--i broke my newest pair, spilled wax on my cutest/work ones, and wore my favorites for the 4th folk and roots festival in a row, and they are not only covered in the gross dirt, but falling apart as well. so i could really use a new pair because now i just wear gym shoes and it's hot out!
now i am a busy girl and i even have to work all day tomorrow and sunday at a place i have never been on a weekend: north ave. beach, for an event i have never attended: the air & water show, to earn cash by serving food and drinks to military-supporting, suburban spectator-types in dockers. luckily i'll be in disguise because the restaurant's providing me with a hat and t-shirt...yikes!
not that i have time, but i wanna go on a goddamn date! this time with no big hopes or promises of the future, but still! i think it's time. i will be wary if he mentions kids and marriage on the first date this time, i must remember! the future-promiser--a breed of man i never really knew about. sex and the city even talked about it: he says whatever it takes about the future to get what he wants in the present. i had no idea! but now i am warned. getting through the summer has been a steady climb out of depression and confusion. i slip back once in a while, when significant things and people remind me, but i think i'm gonna be ok. and i hope i can get out of debt a little too because that can really be a depression amplifier. like, i want to get a haircut for gods sake. or buy any NEW piece of clothing--neither of which i've done in 7 months. luckily i have long hair and way too many clothes already.
one problem is that my sandals are all looking pretty shabby--i broke my newest pair, spilled wax on my cutest/work ones, and wore my favorites for the 4th folk and roots festival in a row, and they are not only covered in the gross dirt, but falling apart as well. so i could really use a new pair because now i just wear gym shoes and it's hot out!
now i am a busy girl and i even have to work all day tomorrow and sunday at a place i have never been on a weekend: north ave. beach, for an event i have never attended: the air & water show, to earn cash by serving food and drinks to military-supporting, suburban spectator-types in dockers. luckily i'll be in disguise because the restaurant's providing me with a hat and t-shirt...yikes!
Tuesday, August 12
ok it's actually waning now but still,
no news on the home front but panic is starting to creep in. good thing last week was chock full of the best music i've heard all year; the thrill jockey thing @ skylark in pilsen ROCKED -- t/j peeps can really throw a party! it was great to talk to miss amy and her bob, and i even saw the guy i went on my internet date with! he is so nice and tolerated a talkative friend very admirably. plus he told me about a miniature golf place at a retirement home somewhere? i gotta find it, and bring the concert crew. there were other cute music boys but mostly friends i love to see, and mark greenberg's darling daughter, who couldn't find where the birds were hiding during brokeback (so I lifted her up to see noel "playing" the mac -- was that bad to crush her visions of little birdies trapped in the double bass or somewhere?). and -- have i told you how much i love brokeback? then there was megan reilly and nicolai dunger and thin man, who were fantastic, all, while being very different yet complementary. all 3 also deserve bigger audiences, too, they are great musicians with unique sounds. but--hmm--i think i prefer megan reilly on record. i have a thing about her demeanor or stage presence or something. i hate to admit to that, but it's true. then perhaps the very best show of the week was mr. hawksley workman at the cultural center, who is such an f-ing amazing performer and writer. i saw him do "safe and sound," one of his songs that mills covers, and though hawksley's songs are/were some of my favorite "mills songs," they *definitely* belong to hawksley -- his delivery blew me and any other recorded versions away. then, natch, there was smog, who is a stone fox and a phenom bringer of the e.s.p. musical nuance into the conversation of songwriterly songs. the end of the show was all i saw live (i was working, dammit) and it was great. and erg!! i just found out that my "friend" jessica saw him at breakfast and did not call me immediately to invite me out. not that i would have done anything anyway, crush coward (and geek) that i am...
check out the new sinister luck ensemble site; i am still working on it (like, pictures for the top bar and movies and music), but it's in solid shape now that i ran it through the L A M E sitebuilder thing on the host. i need a decent web program, i tell ya. anyone out there have a loaded computer to donate? swear i am a worthy cause.
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no news on the home front but panic is starting to creep in. good thing last week was chock full of the best music i've heard all year; the thrill jockey thing @ skylark in pilsen ROCKED -- t/j peeps can really throw a party! it was great to talk to miss amy and her bob, and i even saw the guy i went on my internet date with! he is so nice and tolerated a talkative friend very admirably. plus he told me about a miniature golf place at a retirement home somewhere? i gotta find it, and bring the concert crew. there were other cute music boys but mostly friends i love to see, and mark greenberg's darling daughter, who couldn't find where the birds were hiding during brokeback (so I lifted her up to see noel "playing" the mac -- was that bad to crush her visions of little birdies trapped in the double bass or somewhere?). and -- have i told you how much i love brokeback? then there was megan reilly and nicolai dunger and thin man, who were fantastic, all, while being very different yet complementary. all 3 also deserve bigger audiences, too, they are great musicians with unique sounds. but--hmm--i think i prefer megan reilly on record. i have a thing about her demeanor or stage presence or something. i hate to admit to that, but it's true. then perhaps the very best show of the week was mr. hawksley workman at the cultural center, who is such an f-ing amazing performer and writer. i saw him do "safe and sound," one of his songs that mills covers, and though hawksley's songs are/were some of my favorite "mills songs," they *definitely* belong to hawksley -- his delivery blew me and any other recorded versions away. then, natch, there was smog, who is a stone fox and a phenom bringer of the e.s.p. musical nuance into the conversation of songwriterly songs. the end of the show was all i saw live (i was working, dammit) and it was great. and erg!! i just found out that my "friend" jessica saw him at breakfast and did not call me immediately to invite me out. not that i would have done anything anyway, crush coward (and geek) that i am...
check out the new sinister luck ensemble site; i am still working on it (like, pictures for the top bar and movies and music), but it's in solid shape now that i ran it through the L A M E sitebuilder thing on the host. i need a decent web program, i tell ya. anyone out there have a loaded computer to donate? swear i am a worthy cause.
Monday, August 11
three things for now:
1.) the headliner i wanted for the benefit show said yes. i am so happy i can't even believe it. i love love love them. i made them brownies and hope they're still in the studio today. more about that on the main site later this week i hope.
2.) i got out of my lease at the end of this month now, so i have two weeks to find a new place, pack, repair, rent a van and move, plus get some money together to pay a deposit... yipes.
3.) i am in love with bill callahan. (i made him brownies too.)
1.) the headliner i wanted for the benefit show said yes. i am so happy i can't even believe it. i love love love them. i made them brownies and hope they're still in the studio today. more about that on the main site later this week i hope.
2.) i got out of my lease at the end of this month now, so i have two weeks to find a new place, pack, repair, rent a van and move, plus get some money together to pay a deposit... yipes.
3.) i am in love with bill callahan. (i made him brownies too.)
Saturday, August 9
not as humiliating as it looks
ok that's it.
i'm gonna mail back "crouching tiger hidden dragon" without watching it. i can't bring myself to do it.
last night i stayed up all night painting one apt. wall -- BACK to the heinous blue where it started. i feel like i am chasing my tail in all aspects of life.
and to top it off i am officially hallucinating/nodding off now...
i had to come back to work to get phone numbers of landord leads...
i drove over here and looked in the visor mirror and thought, "wow, my eyes look really blue and pretty today! weird, because i'm so f-ing tir--" then i noticed that they are totally bloodshot.
i wanted to be all well-rested for smog tonight, but oh well. i hope he's not high maintenance; might have to kill him. best show i saw this week? not the intimate brokeback or lonesome, not megan reilly, not nicolai.....
but hawksley workman at the chicago cultural center. amazing!
and, i got an $8/hr job for next weekend, selling food at the air and water show! wahoo!
i am falling asleep literally. must go to bed now for a few hours...
sd
ok that's it.
i'm gonna mail back "crouching tiger hidden dragon" without watching it. i can't bring myself to do it.
last night i stayed up all night painting one apt. wall -- BACK to the heinous blue where it started. i feel like i am chasing my tail in all aspects of life.
and to top it off i am officially hallucinating/nodding off now...
i had to come back to work to get phone numbers of landord leads...
i drove over here and looked in the visor mirror and thought, "wow, my eyes look really blue and pretty today! weird, because i'm so f-ing tir--" then i noticed that they are totally bloodshot.
i wanted to be all well-rested for smog tonight, but oh well. i hope he's not high maintenance; might have to kill him. best show i saw this week? not the intimate brokeback or lonesome, not megan reilly, not nicolai.....
but hawksley workman at the chicago cultural center. amazing!
and, i got an $8/hr job for next weekend, selling food at the air and water show! wahoo!
i am falling asleep literally. must go to bed now for a few hours...
sd
Thursday, August 7
"The apartment has a bad, moldy odor."
ok so the pal i am making the web site for has now come to me with so many changes and additions and (nicely communicated, i must add) opinions that i had to completely start over last night. it's no problem because it's all been a learning process anyway, and now i know what to hash out/agree on off the bat, but yeesh. i liked the super simple and cute site i made before, so i might have to re-use that basic idea for someone else. i think i'm even gonna do a site for a label now. [ this is getting scary! i just started this and haven't even got a design program! ] soon i will have to give in and learn to use one, just for efficiency. after i get the computer, that is...
i was up all night -- til 7:30am, slept for 1-1/2 hours and came in to work. when i got home this morning at 4:30ish, from using the computer at work and driving a package to an instructor's home, i found the most evil note in my mailbox, from my delusional and nightmarish landlords. the quote above is just a taste. i just responded via e-mail after checking chicago tenant rights literature. i hope it doesn't get scary. i love that afte a year of ignored complaints about lack of ventilation and mold allergies, they think they're telling me anything new. um, maybe that's why i have two fans going all the time and incense going nightly..you think?!
tonight will be a fun show and i need to get some work done before i head off. so--bye!
ok so the pal i am making the web site for has now come to me with so many changes and additions and (nicely communicated, i must add) opinions that i had to completely start over last night. it's no problem because it's all been a learning process anyway, and now i know what to hash out/agree on off the bat, but yeesh. i liked the super simple and cute site i made before, so i might have to re-use that basic idea for someone else. i think i'm even gonna do a site for a label now. [ this is getting scary! i just started this and haven't even got a design program! ] soon i will have to give in and learn to use one, just for efficiency. after i get the computer, that is...
i was up all night -- til 7:30am, slept for 1-1/2 hours and came in to work. when i got home this morning at 4:30ish, from using the computer at work and driving a package to an instructor's home, i found the most evil note in my mailbox, from my delusional and nightmarish landlords. the quote above is just a taste. i just responded via e-mail after checking chicago tenant rights literature. i hope it doesn't get scary. i love that afte a year of ignored complaints about lack of ventilation and mold allergies, they think they're telling me anything new. um, maybe that's why i have two fans going all the time and incense going nightly..you think?!
tonight will be a fun show and i need to get some work done before i head off. so--bye!
Tuesday, August 5
hey chicagoans, this is a pretty interesting article about those green "gaia movement" clothes donation boxes with all the bs written all over them. the reader did a story on them a couple of years ago, too -- but i don't think i read it. i trust the reader more than a site though, so now here i'm going to look through the archive...i tell you, i have SO much to do it is sick, and here i am reading about annoying cults.
my nice friend charles gave me a lovely gift certificate in thanks for setting up his web site, but the sad and super-guilt-inducing part is that i just yaked the site down and am rebuilding it, so there is really nothing to look at at all. if i could, i would work on it at home at night and get it up to its super cool potential, but i am stuck sneaking moments from work, or coming in after hours to our other, quieter location, as i did last night, to work on it away from people and my piled-up desk.
and now i am going to a label party with free beer and great music at a new but divey bar in pilsen! yeeha! and, there is so telling if there wil be cutie boys there but here's hoping (and i didn't even bathe today, great).
and yes, in case you were wondering, i watched the complete first season of sex and the city in 36 hours, while working a full day in between and cleaning out my back room (pretty much). it's a great waiting-til-buffy-season-5-comes-out activity. i'm sorta addicted but i also sorta think it's lame. they wear ugly clothes, are not that cute at all, yet are slutty and get lucky way too often, and the actors are all way older than the 32 they say they are (in season 1). plus, who spends that kind of money on drinking, eating, clothes, and shoes? who can, and who would want to? it's pathetic. the show sadly confirms the not-so-great opinion i have of my nyc-30-something counterparts. but it's also voyeuristic and educational, because every single job that looks exciting and perfect for me on the job sites i frequent lately is in nyc, flanked by others. so there must be some friendly, non-designery/cocktail/surface/slutty/social-climber people in nyc ... right?
my nice friend charles gave me a lovely gift certificate in thanks for setting up his web site, but the sad and super-guilt-inducing part is that i just yaked the site down and am rebuilding it, so there is really nothing to look at at all. if i could, i would work on it at home at night and get it up to its super cool potential, but i am stuck sneaking moments from work, or coming in after hours to our other, quieter location, as i did last night, to work on it away from people and my piled-up desk.
and now i am going to a label party with free beer and great music at a new but divey bar in pilsen! yeeha! and, there is so telling if there wil be cutie boys there but here's hoping (and i didn't even bathe today, great).
and yes, in case you were wondering, i watched the complete first season of sex and the city in 36 hours, while working a full day in between and cleaning out my back room (pretty much). it's a great waiting-til-buffy-season-5-comes-out activity. i'm sorta addicted but i also sorta think it's lame. they wear ugly clothes, are not that cute at all, yet are slutty and get lucky way too often, and the actors are all way older than the 32 they say they are (in season 1). plus, who spends that kind of money on drinking, eating, clothes, and shoes? who can, and who would want to? it's pathetic. the show sadly confirms the not-so-great opinion i have of my nyc-30-something counterparts. but it's also voyeuristic and educational, because every single job that looks exciting and perfect for me on the job sites i frequent lately is in nyc, flanked by others. so there must be some friendly, non-designery/cocktail/surface/slutty/social-climber people in nyc ... right?
Monday, August 4
I have been insanely busy ever since I a.) decided for sure to move for fall and told my evil scary landpeople and b.) decided pretty resolutely to actually apply for some jobs and get the hell out of my currently stagnating--no, decaying--situation and c.) realized that the only thing i really really like to do with my time is figure out how to make a web site work. not that i am even figuring it out very fast but it is what i would do all day if i had the choice. in fact, i was spending good portions of the day doing it last week, and that is why i haven't been so good on here or at looking for other jobs. i did apply for two seasonal positions with festivals and got called by both--interviewed for one but have yet to finish up my a questionnaire she gave me. they asked me to name my minimum price -- a flat weekly rate, and the job is potentially 24/7 and super intense, where i'd even be living at a hotel for a few week stretch, and all this knowing that they have a very tight budget and enything i ask for is likely to be countered lower. so do i ask for my minimum or slightly above it? would i price myself out of the running?
so many things to think about. but really what i want to think about is how to get my style sheets to work and how to incorporate cool pictures, sound and a film into the site i am working on (not for me).
what i should be thinking about, instead, is the damage i have wreaked on the apartment, esp. the kitchen cabinets and vinyl tile floor, and today I am heading over to the storage space with a carload of stuff. then it's floor-scraping and sanding time all night.
i have been a little--no, a lot--sad lately, about not meeting any guys and feeling pretty invisible on that level. i just need something/ someone to make me feel even a little bit attractive, or even just *not* ditch-worthy and instantly forgettable. the time is stretching out now and it's feeling familiar, and lonely, in that bad way i became resigned to for so long and i don't want to again, to live like this. i shouldn't have to--doesn't the universe know how hard i would work if i had the chance with someone good? am i being punished for trying last time? ugh, i have to leave, this is no good...
and all that from just thinking about not having done much this weekend. well, the por vida benefit (friday) was great--i had fun and i think helped out a little too. it was great to get to know a couple of people more and hang out, but there was a dearth of cute men and none that would talk to me. i even did something embarassing and very very very out of character, and got caught, and still no flirting coming my way. so i am also broke, and i ended up not going out out for two nights in a row. went downtown to the tall ships thing with a parade of relatives, then eating a lot, which was fun and exhausting saturday, and rented (and watched) almost all of season one last night, til 2am, while doing minimal cleaning and sorting. but I did get some stuff done, and hopfully i will get enough jizunk out of there to be able to breathe...
so that's all. a big week of great music (best show ever on thursday), a crazy day/night of too many options friday, and a weekend packed full of junkyard-hopping (looking for car fix-its) with juan, fun concert work (smog) and more family (yea!, my dad and his wife are coming for a short visit) is coming up and i am gonna stop being depressed and get ready for it. i promise to blog more often, in shorter, more manageable spurts.
also i cancelled my home phone service which is sad and funny because my call phone doesn't really work at home or at work.
so many things to think about. but really what i want to think about is how to get my style sheets to work and how to incorporate cool pictures, sound and a film into the site i am working on (not for me).
what i should be thinking about, instead, is the damage i have wreaked on the apartment, esp. the kitchen cabinets and vinyl tile floor, and today I am heading over to the storage space with a carload of stuff. then it's floor-scraping and sanding time all night.
i have been a little--no, a lot--sad lately, about not meeting any guys and feeling pretty invisible on that level. i just need something/ someone to make me feel even a little bit attractive, or even just *not* ditch-worthy and instantly forgettable. the time is stretching out now and it's feeling familiar, and lonely, in that bad way i became resigned to for so long and i don't want to again, to live like this. i shouldn't have to--doesn't the universe know how hard i would work if i had the chance with someone good? am i being punished for trying last time? ugh, i have to leave, this is no good...
and all that from just thinking about not having done much this weekend. well, the por vida benefit (friday) was great--i had fun and i think helped out a little too. it was great to get to know a couple of people more and hang out, but there was a dearth of cute men and none that would talk to me. i even did something embarassing and very very very out of character, and got caught, and still no flirting coming my way. so i am also broke, and i ended up not going out out for two nights in a row. went downtown to the tall ships thing with a parade of relatives, then eating a lot, which was fun and exhausting saturday, and rented (and watched) almost all of season one last night, til 2am, while doing minimal cleaning and sorting. but I did get some stuff done, and hopfully i will get enough jizunk out of there to be able to breathe...
so that's all. a big week of great music (best show ever on thursday), a crazy day/night of too many options friday, and a weekend packed full of junkyard-hopping (looking for car fix-its) with juan, fun concert work (smog) and more family (yea!, my dad and his wife are coming for a short visit) is coming up and i am gonna stop being depressed and get ready for it. i promise to blog more often, in shorter, more manageable spurts.
also i cancelled my home phone service which is sad and funny because my call phone doesn't really work at home or at work.
Monday, July 28
yeah, i've been really gone from this. i need to get back on track, or take an official hiatus. here is what's been up since last time: i am really tired lately so there is a lot of sleeping involved. and also there is a lot of html and frustrating, multiple tries at style sheets, and a lot of trying to decide what to do about my living situation, and then there is a lot of pretty crazy family stuff.
i babysat for a coworker/friend's two boys on friday night and that was fun. i ended up playing with legos for two more hours after they wnt to sleep. i built this cool space station/jail/post office for spaceships to land on and refuel, drop off criminals, letters, what have you. one thing i noticed is the abundance of the ugly lego color of royal blue. it's just one of those things, i really preferred any other color than that one.
i went to my first opera last night--well, operetta is more accurate; bernstein's candide--and it was fantastic! well-cast, and funny, great orchestra and conductor -- a real treat. my friend peter has had this mission to bring opera to the people of chicago for free, and in it's third year, his program is going strong. very impressive, and makes me believe in the arts and all. it's hard sometimes to feel like these jobs are anything more than returning phone calls, giving kooks a paycheck, or making flyers, but it's inspirational to see such a positive overall endeavor.
i haven't really seen more movies or anything, a few rentals, etc. oh, the man without a past was eggsellent, though. go see it!
and did i talk about masked and anonymous yet? i saw it a while back but now i am hearing all these reviews of it and i have to say, weirdness and all--it's enjoyable! go see it! if you're a music fan at all, it's at least worthwhile to hear all the dylan tunes re-interpreted.
i haven't yet watched my netflix of crouching tiger hidden dragon, which sorta bugs me but i am never in the mood, i'm just not. it's been like 3 weeks now. i might just send it back unwatched.
i paid my brother back (yea, thanks!) but have let a lot of other stuff pile up, and i am pretty sure that it's gonna take a mountain of money just to be able to move to a new place come oct. 1. i am thinking about and looking into storage spaces, and the possibility of moving slowly into a space and then having just the basics to move to a new place. but i worry of course. i also am contemplating cancelling my home phone, since i'm moving anyway, and just using the cell or work phones.
i babysat for a coworker/friend's two boys on friday night and that was fun. i ended up playing with legos for two more hours after they wnt to sleep. i built this cool space station/jail/post office for spaceships to land on and refuel, drop off criminals, letters, what have you. one thing i noticed is the abundance of the ugly lego color of royal blue. it's just one of those things, i really preferred any other color than that one.
i went to my first opera last night--well, operetta is more accurate; bernstein's candide--and it was fantastic! well-cast, and funny, great orchestra and conductor -- a real treat. my friend peter has had this mission to bring opera to the people of chicago for free, and in it's third year, his program is going strong. very impressive, and makes me believe in the arts and all. it's hard sometimes to feel like these jobs are anything more than returning phone calls, giving kooks a paycheck, or making flyers, but it's inspirational to see such a positive overall endeavor.
i haven't really seen more movies or anything, a few rentals, etc. oh, the man without a past was eggsellent, though. go see it!
and did i talk about masked and anonymous yet? i saw it a while back but now i am hearing all these reviews of it and i have to say, weirdness and all--it's enjoyable! go see it! if you're a music fan at all, it's at least worthwhile to hear all the dylan tunes re-interpreted.
i haven't yet watched my netflix of crouching tiger hidden dragon, which sorta bugs me but i am never in the mood, i'm just not. it's been like 3 weeks now. i might just send it back unwatched.
i paid my brother back (yea, thanks!) but have let a lot of other stuff pile up, and i am pretty sure that it's gonna take a mountain of money just to be able to move to a new place come oct. 1. i am thinking about and looking into storage spaces, and the possibility of moving slowly into a space and then having just the basics to move to a new place. but i worry of course. i also am contemplating cancelling my home phone, since i'm moving anyway, and just using the cell or work phones.
Thursday, July 24
also!
i am sorry this blog is taking so damn long to load lately. i can't seem to find out what is happening with the lovely blogout people at www.klinkfamily.com who provide the comment section, and that's what's making it even more like molasses than usual. i hope you have a nail file handy for the wait.
PLUS maybe you noticed: below and to the right, under the links, i added a notification feature. see if you join my list, i can let you know when i publish a new post here so you don't have to waste precious time checking it during one of my dry spells.
just another value-added service for you, my faithful readers.
i am sorry this blog is taking so damn long to load lately. i can't seem to find out what is happening with the lovely blogout people at www.klinkfamily.com who provide the comment section, and that's what's making it even more like molasses than usual. i hope you have a nail file handy for the wait.
PLUS maybe you noticed: below and to the right, under the links, i added a notification feature. see if you join my list, i can let you know when i publish a new post here so you don't have to waste precious time checking it during one of my dry spells.
just another value-added service for you, my faithful readers.
Wednesday, July 23
i have been so bad at the blog. and i haven't even checked in on friendster lately, even though professor snape wants to be my friend. if you don't know what i am talking about it is probably for the better of all mankind.
i got my first site design job! wahoo! i have thrown together what is a simple and pretty damn cute and usable site for my friend charles and his band, sinister luck ensemble. i'm not gonna link it now because the site is not yet active. i'm waiting for info. i think i am obsessed with the web site stuff--beyond this blog and my own homepage. i wish i could take this computer home and work on it there! it *is* almost midnight for god's sake.
(whenever i read those words, "for god's sake," i want to pronounce it sah'-kee and then picture a giant sistine-ish-but-japanese god figure sitting on a cloud with those ham-like hands and fingers, all-powerful, but drinking out of a tiny, golden sake set.)
ok back to the sle web site. i have to make up my own way to do an image map in html as i don't have a program to do it for me. if any real web people ever read my source code, they would be horrified.
oh! i started a weight training program from a book, and even bought gross protein powdery stuff from whole foods. the prospect of being physically strong sometime soon is really exciting...
i got my first site design job! wahoo! i have thrown together what is a simple and pretty damn cute and usable site for my friend charles and his band, sinister luck ensemble. i'm not gonna link it now because the site is not yet active. i'm waiting for info. i think i am obsessed with the web site stuff--beyond this blog and my own homepage. i wish i could take this computer home and work on it there! it *is* almost midnight for god's sake.
(whenever i read those words, "for god's sake," i want to pronounce it sah'-kee and then picture a giant sistine-ish-but-japanese god figure sitting on a cloud with those ham-like hands and fingers, all-powerful, but drinking out of a tiny, golden sake set.)
ok back to the sle web site. i have to make up my own way to do an image map in html as i don't have a program to do it for me. if any real web people ever read my source code, they would be horrified.
oh! i started a weight training program from a book, and even bought gross protein powdery stuff from whole foods. the prospect of being physically strong sometime soon is really exciting...
Monday, July 21
i am taking a "day off" but had to come in to work, of course, to do payroll for this friday and to check e-mail and such. someday soon i will get a computer for home. after i get a giant raise and a winning lottery ticket...
for the rest of today: i am looking for jobs and doing the errands i didn't get to on saturday because i slept and read all day, trying to recover from my cold. i think i kicked it. i finished harry potter and started and finished the third (and last) mommy-track mystery. yesterday i did laundry and started knitting a new square that is looking way too big, but big is better than small.
and, neither tina nor i had money or digital photos to join the renegade craft fair (see chicago crafty link) so we are bailing. have to find another outlet to sell stuff or come up with $100 now to join late.
errands now:
home - drop laundry and get other stuff
take violin to repair place in skokie
payday loan place (i know, sucks)
atm
library/pay 90-cent fine and get held book (i wonder which one it is?) and a book on weight training
y
call about apartment on lincoln ave.
rainbo club for poetry thingie and brokeback show
back to luxury condo for the night; make cookies and knit
what a great day! you have a good one too.
xosd
for the rest of today: i am looking for jobs and doing the errands i didn't get to on saturday because i slept and read all day, trying to recover from my cold. i think i kicked it. i finished harry potter and started and finished the third (and last) mommy-track mystery. yesterday i did laundry and started knitting a new square that is looking way too big, but big is better than small.
and, neither tina nor i had money or digital photos to join the renegade craft fair (see chicago crafty link) so we are bailing. have to find another outlet to sell stuff or come up with $100 now to join late.
errands now:
home - drop laundry and get other stuff
take violin to repair place in skokie
payday loan place (i know, sucks)
atm
library/pay 90-cent fine and get held book (i wonder which one it is?) and a book on weight training
y
call about apartment on lincoln ave.
rainbo club for poetry thingie and brokeback show
back to luxury condo for the night; make cookies and knit
what a great day! you have a good one too.
xosd
Friday, July 18
bingo!
oh my god i am still doubling over from this hilarious bingo game.
* note to anyone in chicago: i challenge you all! print one out and use it tonight at califone/orso/moviola! although i bet someone'd win just walking down the street en route to the double door...
dream
also, on a more personal sidenote: i went home way overfull last night from a lovely evening of greek food with my parents and brother and meant to change clothes and bike over to a friend's 30th birthday celebration at the brauhaus afterward, but instead i fell asleep at 10:30pm fully clothed on my bed with all of the lights on, teeth unbrushed (gross!) and the door not only unlocked, but OPEN a crack!, and i woke up this morning after a horrifying dream in which i was attacked in my apartment by a greasy haired blonde guy with a knife who had a prior murder conviction but was a regular at the trashy bar next door to the right of my house (there is no bar there really) where a bartender with a mysteriously familiar face that i now can't remember worked... anyway, my older skinny white woman neighbor (who does not exist in real life) had invited the guy in or given him a key but instead he went for me in my bedroom (which was sorta clean and nice in my dream...weird)! then, whilethe dream me was talking to the inattentive/ineffectual cops (who were wearing white t-shirts?), i guess someone broke into my place AGAIN through the unsecured large from window and stole my beautiful little custom couch and my tv/stereo/dvd system and its antique radio cabinet home. i was most sad about the couch.
oh my god i am still doubling over from this hilarious bingo game.
* note to anyone in chicago: i challenge you all! print one out and use it tonight at califone/orso/moviola! although i bet someone'd win just walking down the street en route to the double door...
dream
also, on a more personal sidenote: i went home way overfull last night from a lovely evening of greek food with my parents and brother and meant to change clothes and bike over to a friend's 30th birthday celebration at the brauhaus afterward, but instead i fell asleep at 10:30pm fully clothed on my bed with all of the lights on, teeth unbrushed (gross!) and the door not only unlocked, but OPEN a crack!, and i woke up this morning after a horrifying dream in which i was attacked in my apartment by a greasy haired blonde guy with a knife who had a prior murder conviction but was a regular at the trashy bar next door to the right of my house (there is no bar there really) where a bartender with a mysteriously familiar face that i now can't remember worked... anyway, my older skinny white woman neighbor (who does not exist in real life) had invited the guy in or given him a key but instead he went for me in my bedroom (which was sorta clean and nice in my dream...weird)! then, whilethe dream me was talking to the inattentive/ineffectual cops (who were wearing white t-shirts?), i guess someone broke into my place AGAIN through the unsecured large from window and stole my beautiful little custom couch and my tv/stereo/dvd system and its antique radio cabinet home. i was most sad about the couch.
Thursday, July 17
there's something really annoying to me about:
1) people i don't know who leave a message for me with just their name and number and no actual message, like they think i am gonna call back? whatupwithat?
2) people who call but do not leave a message but who wait til the message recording starts before hanging up. erg.
i am not backing down. there is no reason for either of these things to ever occur.
1) people i don't know who leave a message for me with just their name and number and no actual message, like they think i am gonna call back? whatupwithat?
2) people who call but do not leave a message but who wait til the message recording starts before hanging up. erg.
i am not backing down. there is no reason for either of these things to ever occur.
Wednesday, July 16
happy birthday tara!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am a wreck. cold is still hanging on for 5th day, and even with excellent landlords-out-of-town opportunity i have yet to spend quiet/relaxing or even productive time at home. sort of in recovery from a busy weekend and prepping for something i can't really put my finger on.
my weight loss plans are not going as--planned. i checked out what i'd eaten so far today (breakfast and lunch only) in the weight watchers points system (found a great unofficial calculator) and damn! i went over alotted points already, without having had any dinner yet. so: it is time to get on track and i am even gonna go to the y after a few songs by son de madera tonight to earn back some points and at least flatline today. erg, so much to do in july and all i *really* want to do is sit at home and sort thru stuff. or finish my knitting project. why all of a sudden does everything take so so so long...??
also, this friendster thing. why is it so addictive, a, and b, why is it dominated by 20-somethings from new york, like everyf-ingthing else on the web? are they just into looking at themselves on the screen and talking about it? annoying. i am noticing that the 3 west coast people i invited to join haven't uttered a peep and i wonder if it is, again, some manifestation of the kooky land theory i've got going...i'll lay it out for you later, maybe as a fancy pictorial. we'll see.
ok also: if you read this and would like to comment on a post or anything tangential to the things i am rambling on about, please do! the link that says "two cents" below is for exactly that. gimme your 2 cents! share your thoughts! i feel like that tree falling in a forest sometimes.
i watched, and was creeped out by, midnight cowboy the other night. have you seen that lately? shivers.
i am a wreck. cold is still hanging on for 5th day, and even with excellent landlords-out-of-town opportunity i have yet to spend quiet/relaxing or even productive time at home. sort of in recovery from a busy weekend and prepping for something i can't really put my finger on.
my weight loss plans are not going as--planned. i checked out what i'd eaten so far today (breakfast and lunch only) in the weight watchers points system (found a great unofficial calculator) and damn! i went over alotted points already, without having had any dinner yet. so: it is time to get on track and i am even gonna go to the y after a few songs by son de madera tonight to earn back some points and at least flatline today. erg, so much to do in july and all i *really* want to do is sit at home and sort thru stuff. or finish my knitting project. why all of a sudden does everything take so so so long...??
also, this friendster thing. why is it so addictive, a, and b, why is it dominated by 20-somethings from new york, like everyf-ingthing else on the web? are they just into looking at themselves on the screen and talking about it? annoying. i am noticing that the 3 west coast people i invited to join haven't uttered a peep and i wonder if it is, again, some manifestation of the kooky land theory i've got going...i'll lay it out for you later, maybe as a fancy pictorial. we'll see.
ok also: if you read this and would like to comment on a post or anything tangential to the things i am rambling on about, please do! the link that says "two cents" below is for exactly that. gimme your 2 cents! share your thoughts! i feel like that tree falling in a forest sometimes.
i watched, and was creeped out by, midnight cowboy the other night. have you seen that lately? shivers.
Saturday, July 12
the festival was fantastic today. perfect weather, music rocked, perfect moon (full tomorrow), great people, excellent. camper van beethoven made me want to be surrounded by people from college again. i don't even know which of those from my dorm/lunch crowd were into them, but i know there were some, and where were they tonight?? where was randy ike? what a crazy thing to be talking to jonathan, in person!, the guy (with stephen wickham, i guess too, later) who made playing violin cool for me. they were so so great tonight.
now i am off to a party i'm really unsure is still happening. and i am getting sick, have been since last night. sore throat, sneezing, blowing my nose a lot, etc. should be fun tomorrow, esp. after the beers and yucky lemonade i just had, and all the making out i will (not) be doing at this party/nonparty.
i think my best contribution, tonight, though, was finding the football and throwing it around during camper. after the show, as i left the backstage area, a raucous game was starting up and people were being very very funny.
jim and jennie were so excellent and perfect too, i just love them--and i got to intro them , yea! john doe was in the audience, too, and almost every mekon, and it was just a great day. my aunt and her roommate stopped by for a bit during the buddy miller band and i think really liked them. they bought a couple of cds. but then they disappeared.
ok but here is the kicker!: the other band i hooked up, a square dance band, came backstage after their gig at the dance tent, and there was a guy among them that looked familiar...and damn if i didn't put two and two together and figure out he was the internet dating meanie who abruptly stopped e-mailing me with no explanation! sucks! but i bet he is sorry now because i looked good today (if you're not offended by my gaping cleavage-y shirt or my skirt -- with its just-sewn-on-especially-for-today-red rickrack -- being a size too tight) and anyway, i was sorta peppy even though i was sick. he's an idiot. like all of them i guess. my ex boyfriend was also there and he is so nice but i always worry that he will get some wrong message.
ok now i really have to go. to the party that i am guaranteed to feel like a loser at, but whatever. i'm going anyway. i'll just leave if it is over or lame. maybe it won't be though!
ok, more tomorrow or monday,
xosd
now i am off to a party i'm really unsure is still happening. and i am getting sick, have been since last night. sore throat, sneezing, blowing my nose a lot, etc. should be fun tomorrow, esp. after the beers and yucky lemonade i just had, and all the making out i will (not) be doing at this party/nonparty.
i think my best contribution, tonight, though, was finding the football and throwing it around during camper. after the show, as i left the backstage area, a raucous game was starting up and people were being very very funny.
jim and jennie were so excellent and perfect too, i just love them--and i got to intro them , yea! john doe was in the audience, too, and almost every mekon, and it was just a great day. my aunt and her roommate stopped by for a bit during the buddy miller band and i think really liked them. they bought a couple of cds. but then they disappeared.
ok but here is the kicker!: the other band i hooked up, a square dance band, came backstage after their gig at the dance tent, and there was a guy among them that looked familiar...and damn if i didn't put two and two together and figure out he was the internet dating meanie who abruptly stopped e-mailing me with no explanation! sucks! but i bet he is sorry now because i looked good today (if you're not offended by my gaping cleavage-y shirt or my skirt -- with its just-sewn-on-especially-for-today-red rickrack -- being a size too tight) and anyway, i was sorta peppy even though i was sick. he's an idiot. like all of them i guess. my ex boyfriend was also there and he is so nice but i always worry that he will get some wrong message.
ok now i really have to go. to the party that i am guaranteed to feel like a loser at, but whatever. i'm going anyway. i'll just leave if it is over or lame. maybe it won't be though!
ok, more tomorrow or monday,
xosd
Thursday, July 10
it's getting crazy here at work with our big festival this weekend. one band cancelled due to INS trouble (what is up with our crazy, tyrannical government???) so that was a bummer, and rain/t-torms are predicted, which is also worrisome, but for the most part i'm pretty calm and prepared for the insanity. normally i'd be extra hyped and totally excited but as i've sorta detached from the place and people, it's not as shiny as past years but also not as stressy. i do the same job for it every year, artist merch tent for the mainstage. it's easy, fun, and i get great volunteers. this year i thought it'd be extra cool to make copies of the inventory and settlement sheets out there (without handwriting them in duplicate in the dark with the cops and band managers breathing down my neck) so i had the brilliant idea of using carbon paper and custom sheets, but i ran into a major, scary problem: no one has carbon paper anymore! that is frightening and i feel old.
i did get a new, second cold sore though. wonder what that's about.
i am so annoyed right now with a personal matter. must go.
xosd
i did get a new, second cold sore though. wonder what that's about.
i am so annoyed right now with a personal matter. must go.
xosd
Wednesday, July 9
it's freeeeeezing in my office today, and no one else is around so i am blaring the newish califone, and though i rode my trusty bike today it is supposed to be t-storm hell this afternoon and evening. so i might have to leave early to avoid it, no? i am finally burning the not-new-anymore fruitbats cd today, too. jeezus. i haven't really given it much of a listen except for hearing that 'love somebody' song everywhere all the time. but: i think i liked the first record better. shhh--don't tell eric.
ok off to pilates. i decided to seriously get on this shape up thing and it's sorta hard. in summer all i want to do is eat ice cream. aaaaanyway, i am officially starting today. i will lose the mills 20, or maybe more, by oct. 1. there. it's a promise, dare, and hope. good. yes.
xosd
ok off to pilates. i decided to seriously get on this shape up thing and it's sorta hard. in summer all i want to do is eat ice cream. aaaaanyway, i am officially starting today. i will lose the mills 20, or maybe more, by oct. 1. there. it's a promise, dare, and hope. good. yes.
xosd
Tuesday, July 8
sorry i've been away so long. it's been a busy weekend...of working! last week i sent an e-mail out basically begging for work--anything--and ended up cleaning and organizing a family friend's home for 2 days. it was fun, actually, and they paid me way way too much and also fed me so well that i am not losing the weight i wanted to start dropping! but it was good and they rigged up the front of my car so it's not dragging and screaming anymore. but i still need to find about $300 between now and friday, so this will have to be yet another short blog entry.
lately i am finding myself, in my (brief) downtime before bed, really really wanting to be able to knit and read at the same time. is switching to audio books the only solution? i am in the beginning of kniting square #3, plus there's harry potter and the third of the mommy-track mysteries by new sebastian barry book is waiting on my bedside table.
... so addictive, all of it. not enough time for anything!! also i am supposed to be looking for a job/career/life path. shit.
** i am also trying to find vinyl floor tile that will match what i have in my kitchen, 8 squares of which i totally ruined with paint stripper. i have to find the exact pattern, and i have been to at least 8 stores looking. i might be seriously in trouble. what one guy at a tile store in some suburb suggested is: snoop around my landlord's basement and look for extras tiles, which is so brilliant. i have to wait til they're not home sometime and try.
ha ha! this blog isn't so short after all, and i haven't even gotten to gigantic, the great documentary about they might be giants. it's very well done and fun to watch, i imagine even for not-partiticularly-TMBG-fan viewers. so, go see it, pop culture addicts of my general age group. very funny and sure to make their stock go up and the once-my-little-secret wonder that is dial-a-song very popular. and will cause busy signals! damn.
i bowled terribly last night! my grandparents (former bowling alley proprietors) would be ashamed. didn't even break 100, but i had fun seeing amy on her actual b-d, turning old like me, and her peeps, and learning about the tiny japanese guy who won the hot-dog-eating contest. did you know there was a big controversy about the "roman-method incident" (yes, think about it, eew) at the end of the contest, possibly tainting his amazing win with 50.5 hot dogs down in just 12 minutes?
did you know they dip the weenies in water before they shove 'em in? YUCK.
anyway, that's all for today. love and kisses,sd
lately i am finding myself, in my (brief) downtime before bed, really really wanting to be able to knit and read at the same time. is switching to audio books the only solution? i am in the beginning of kniting square #3, plus there's harry potter and the third of the mommy-track mysteries by new sebastian barry book is waiting on my bedside table.
... so addictive, all of it. not enough time for anything!! also i am supposed to be looking for a job/career/life path. shit.
** i am also trying to find vinyl floor tile that will match what i have in my kitchen, 8 squares of which i totally ruined with paint stripper. i have to find the exact pattern, and i have been to at least 8 stores looking. i might be seriously in trouble. what one guy at a tile store in some suburb suggested is: snoop around my landlord's basement and look for extras tiles, which is so brilliant. i have to wait til they're not home sometime and try.
ha ha! this blog isn't so short after all, and i haven't even gotten to gigantic, the great documentary about they might be giants. it's very well done and fun to watch, i imagine even for not-partiticularly-TMBG-fan viewers. so, go see it, pop culture addicts of my general age group. very funny and sure to make their stock go up and the once-my-little-secret wonder that is dial-a-song very popular. and will cause busy signals! damn.
i bowled terribly last night! my grandparents (former bowling alley proprietors) would be ashamed. didn't even break 100, but i had fun seeing amy on her actual b-d, turning old like me, and her peeps, and learning about the tiny japanese guy who won the hot-dog-eating contest. did you know there was a big controversy about the "roman-method incident" (yes, think about it, eew) at the end of the contest, possibly tainting his amazing win with 50.5 hot dogs down in just 12 minutes?
did you know they dip the weenies in water before they shove 'em in? YUCK.
anyway, that's all for today. love and kisses,sd
Thursday, July 3
i have a giant cold sore. i need money desperately. my apartment is a mess. my car is completely f-ed up and costly. i haven't eaten today.
but: i have a 4-day weekend coming up! yea!
so, happy independence day, and here's a little thing for it.
more later.
also, i am listening to very very great music, another thing to be happy about. go see megan reilly if she plays in your town.
xosd
but: i have a 4-day weekend coming up! yea!
so, happy independence day, and here's a little thing for it.
more later.
also, i am listening to very very great music, another thing to be happy about. go see megan reilly if she plays in your town.
xosd
Tuesday, July 1
so i am on disc 6 of buffy season 4, the last of what is out on dvd, and it is really sad. in fact, my next netflix came in, not a buffy at all, and i feel once again adrift. but it's probably good because there are plently of great movies to rent and go see, right? i just get in the habit of watching an episode or two at night and it's fun, esp. because we're getting into those random episodes i'd seen a few years ago at a friend's urging and was totally mystified (and slightly annoyed) by -- but now they all make sense.
i "approved" my first friendster testimonial (thanks j, i think...) but it talks about my booty! and yes, i do have a good one, but it's time to work on getting it a little -- um -- littler. i am gonna lose the mills 20 by halloween, i decided. two years later i will be back to my hot self and way, way wised up.
and i am thinking also about NOT selling my car. the pound totally ruined the front end and it's getting ridiculous because now i would be lucky to get any money for it. so it's no longer this great idea to get me a computer/out of debt. it's me letting go of this investment because i can't afford it, and not really getting anything in return.
so i need to find ways to make serious cash in the next 8 days. any ideas, hollah.
love,s
i "approved" my first friendster testimonial (thanks j, i think...) but it talks about my booty! and yes, i do have a good one, but it's time to work on getting it a little -- um -- littler. i am gonna lose the mills 20 by halloween, i decided. two years later i will be back to my hot self and way, way wised up.
and i am thinking also about NOT selling my car. the pound totally ruined the front end and it's getting ridiculous because now i would be lucky to get any money for it. so it's no longer this great idea to get me a computer/out of debt. it's me letting go of this investment because i can't afford it, and not really getting anything in return.
so i need to find ways to make serious cash in the next 8 days. any ideas, hollah.
love,s
Monday, June 30
weekend's over
and these summer weekends are really few; i have to make the most of them! saw sally timms' show downtown but missed loretta lynn, worked very little, and spent a little over 2-1/2 hours on sat just getting my already-paid-for car out of the pound. only to find it unlocked and completely damaged on the front end (like, it's falling off...) and the city won't take responsibiity. great. even less money for me when i sell it.
but then i went to the thrift store and found a couple of shirts, and a couple of things for someone besides me, and i felt much better. i took that night off as a beauty night--did nails, toes, face mask and a hair oil thing, plus i got to have a great, long-overdue conversation with miss wendy. it was really really nice to be in for the night, and in a quiet and clean home, with more than one floor, a flowery porch, laundry in the basement, and a yard in which i could turn on the sprinkler. and best of all was clover, the sweet old dog i hung out with, and her funny quirks and just--i don't know, presence.
it would be really good to be with a person who could coexist like that, sitting in the same room, doing their thing while i do mine, not being on all the time or trying to make anything happen. but you know they'll go for a walk with you whenever you want it, and be really happy when you ask.
i told an ex once that i think real love should be easy. and i think he had his own interpretation of that, the word, the whole concept--everything, but i still think i believe in it. maybe what i really meant was: real love is when *giving* it is easy--when it's second-nature, and you don't have to do or be anything but yourself to be there for someone and let them know in every way that they are precious to you, and their primary importance in your life makes every request, argument, or decision maybe still rough but ultimately uncomplicated, and the benefit of doubt is always extended to them, because their happiness is simply always on your mind, you don't need to be prodded or reminded, they are just there with you. and you can relax, then, with the circumstances of life because one thing is always there, done, flourishing in your presence and energizing your life.
i don't know if that explains it right, or if it would just be better to know that, and keep it to myself, and wait for it to come into my life by believing it is out there.
god, i'm always in preparation for something, like i have so much to do before this or that part of my life takes off and flies. but meanwhile life is going on, and i am rushing around trying to make sure things are ready, so i'm too busy...
i don't know, today feels weird. sorry for the rambling.
sd
and these summer weekends are really few; i have to make the most of them! saw sally timms' show downtown but missed loretta lynn, worked very little, and spent a little over 2-1/2 hours on sat just getting my already-paid-for car out of the pound. only to find it unlocked and completely damaged on the front end (like, it's falling off...) and the city won't take responsibiity. great. even less money for me when i sell it.
but then i went to the thrift store and found a couple of shirts, and a couple of things for someone besides me, and i felt much better. i took that night off as a beauty night--did nails, toes, face mask and a hair oil thing, plus i got to have a great, long-overdue conversation with miss wendy. it was really really nice to be in for the night, and in a quiet and clean home, with more than one floor, a flowery porch, laundry in the basement, and a yard in which i could turn on the sprinkler. and best of all was clover, the sweet old dog i hung out with, and her funny quirks and just--i don't know, presence.
it would be really good to be with a person who could coexist like that, sitting in the same room, doing their thing while i do mine, not being on all the time or trying to make anything happen. but you know they'll go for a walk with you whenever you want it, and be really happy when you ask.
i told an ex once that i think real love should be easy. and i think he had his own interpretation of that, the word, the whole concept--everything, but i still think i believe in it. maybe what i really meant was: real love is when *giving* it is easy--when it's second-nature, and you don't have to do or be anything but yourself to be there for someone and let them know in every way that they are precious to you, and their primary importance in your life makes every request, argument, or decision maybe still rough but ultimately uncomplicated, and the benefit of doubt is always extended to them, because their happiness is simply always on your mind, you don't need to be prodded or reminded, they are just there with you. and you can relax, then, with the circumstances of life because one thing is always there, done, flourishing in your presence and energizing your life.
i don't know if that explains it right, or if it would just be better to know that, and keep it to myself, and wait for it to come into my life by believing it is out there.
god, i'm always in preparation for something, like i have so much to do before this or that part of my life takes off and flies. but meanwhile life is going on, and i am rushing around trying to make sure things are ready, so i'm too busy...
i don't know, today feels weird. sorry for the rambling.
sd
Friday, June 27
ok i tried this quiz, and even though it calls beauty an emotion, it's still fun. right? this was my result:
You are Beauty.
You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the
outside, or both. People are drawn to you as
strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the
world around you.
What emotion are you? quiz brought to you by Quizilla
You are Beauty.
You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the
outside, or both. People are drawn to you as
strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the
world around you.
What emotion are you? quiz brought to you by Quizilla
i am dog- and house-sitting this wknd and it's really lovely; a necessary break from being around my own stuff, in all ways one can interpret that. and the 4 daily walks are so great for head clearing and sunshine. i really really want a dog. which is terrible because i am allergic, but today i only woke up with one puffy eye (the right eye) and have no hives at all, and now my eye is back to normal anyway, and it's just so nice to be around a dog. i think it would be best to have a roommate *and* a dog, though, to share the duties and in case of long workdays or trips.
my brother was a lifesaver today. thanks!
my brother was a lifesaver today. thanks!
Thursday, June 26
life is really lonely. i don't know if geography is everything, but it is one of the few things people use to avoid, defer, or maybe even triumph for a while over the knowledge that we're fundamentally alone, abandoned, and disconnected from everyone and everything.
today has been a weird day--realizing how smalll and big this city is at once. i rode all over today -- lucky it was gorgeous -- and en route to my 12 noon appointment (about 6 miles away from work and i only gave myself 10 minutes to get there--oops), i found this back-wooded area on the northwest side, and since it was pretty much a complete dead end, i just rode my granny bike right on through the trees on the walking path (very funny-looking i'm sure--off-road on the schwinn!) and ended up shooting out into the sun and onto cicero ave.
i never knew about that area, but it was really pretty and a fun midday adventure. i sorta forgot where i was, like there must be so much to this town.
and my chicago gets small, oddly, when i am feeling insignificant. back to the beginning, i guess. wondering if i'll ever make it back/out of this.
xosd
p.s. happy late birthday to jim.
today has been a weird day--realizing how smalll and big this city is at once. i rode all over today -- lucky it was gorgeous -- and en route to my 12 noon appointment (about 6 miles away from work and i only gave myself 10 minutes to get there--oops), i found this back-wooded area on the northwest side, and since it was pretty much a complete dead end, i just rode my granny bike right on through the trees on the walking path (very funny-looking i'm sure--off-road on the schwinn!) and ended up shooting out into the sun and onto cicero ave.
i never knew about that area, but it was really pretty and a fun midday adventure. i sorta forgot where i was, like there must be so much to this town.
and my chicago gets small, oddly, when i am feeling insignificant. back to the beginning, i guess. wondering if i'll ever make it back/out of this.
xosd
p.s. happy late birthday to jim.
Wednesday, June 25
pop-quiz!
ok the finances are getting des-per-ate, so today i tried to sell some cds--about 30. i lugged them to work on my bike, in a large shoulder bag that is a bulky addition to the regular, also heavy bag i carry anyway (plus on wednesdays it gets even bigger because i work at a different location where i haven't a desk). ANYWAY, at lunchtime i went to my favorite local record store and had hopes to reduce my load by at least--i don't know--10 to 15 of the cds? ha.
so now pop-blog is hosting a poll. if anyone is reading this, and wants to guess answers to the following questions, please enter them into the comments link ("your 2 cents", below) and the correct guesser (if i know you) will win a mystery prize:
1) how many of my cds did the store buy?
2) how much money did i walk out with for them?
ok the finances are getting des-per-ate, so today i tried to sell some cds--about 30. i lugged them to work on my bike, in a large shoulder bag that is a bulky addition to the regular, also heavy bag i carry anyway (plus on wednesdays it gets even bigger because i work at a different location where i haven't a desk). ANYWAY, at lunchtime i went to my favorite local record store and had hopes to reduce my load by at least--i don't know--10 to 15 of the cds? ha.
so now pop-blog is hosting a poll. if anyone is reading this, and wants to guess answers to the following questions, please enter them into the comments link ("your 2 cents", below) and the correct guesser (if i know you) will win a mystery prize:
1) how many of my cds did the store buy?
2) how much money did i walk out with for them?
Tuesday, June 24
delay
tonight! avoidance-of-owing-$1,300-to-the-city tactic #1: go to a free preview movie -- the flyer of which has a picture of bob dylan in cowboy outfit and cheech marin (!) on it. a must-see!
i have yet to catch up on work... it's more than tedious this time around and just plain sad because it's such a slow time of year. (the work actually increases when we have less students -- cool, huh?) i have been on the frizeaking phone with insane tap parents all day, now included. i love that they can hear me typing here while they kvetch about our refund policy. la la la la la. ok see you soon. and happy happy b-day to joe!
tonight! avoidance-of-owing-$1,300-to-the-city tactic #1: go to a free preview movie -- the flyer of which has a picture of bob dylan in cowboy outfit and cheech marin (!) on it. a must-see!
i have yet to catch up on work... it's more than tedious this time around and just plain sad because it's such a slow time of year. (the work actually increases when we have less students -- cool, huh?) i have been on the frizeaking phone with insane tap parents all day, now included. i love that they can hear me typing here while they kvetch about our refund policy. la la la la la. ok see you soon. and happy happy b-day to joe!
Monday, June 23
it's f-ing happened.
again.
again.
 |
(and no, that's not me.)
ugh
still at work, tired, and forgetting a million things. i think i killed my parents' plants, haven't been able to get there to water at all. and this wknd: dogsitting for clover. i am not sure i'll even make it thru tonight, though.
(b-day party for shazzer)
more tomorrow maybe.
still at work, tired, and forgetting a million things. i think i killed my parents' plants, haven't been able to get there to water at all. and this wknd: dogsitting for clover. i am not sure i'll even make it thru tonight, though.
(b-day party for shazzer)
more tomorrow maybe.
Saturday, June 21
hello yes i am totally overwhelmed. there's lots of fun stuff to do, i'm in work hell this wknd/coming week, plus my apartment is a mess and i haven't exercised or even properly groomed in days (yick)--i'm in a sad state. and moneywise is no better; i am completely broke and dodging the collector calls again, which makes me tense. i came today to watch the brazilian dancers graduate and missed it by 1 minute, because i was in here playing with style sheets on my main site. [i am trying to figure out how to do it per page without tediously rewriting all of them. it's soooo annoying in my host's html editor, because i have to scroll a bizillion different scroll bars and never see the full line or page.]
anyway, off to our kids summer program kickoff day and then to see calexico and spoon, maybe a little eleventh dream day if i am lucky and quick on my bike. it's at a street fair so there's a "donation" at the gate and i am gonna be one of those annoying lame-os that doesn't pay. i am mustering the courage now, practicing "no" in my head... i've never done that before, but times are hard.
anyway, off to our kids summer program kickoff day and then to see calexico and spoon, maybe a little eleventh dream day if i am lucky and quick on my bike. it's at a street fair so there's a "donation" at the gate and i am gonna be one of those annoying lame-os that doesn't pay. i am mustering the courage now, practicing "no" in my head... i've never done that before, but times are hard.
Thursday, June 19
summerdance opening day...
i read an article that was posted on a bulletin board here @ work about a mark eitzel show that ended horribly, and in a geek-out panic wrote him (i do not know the man) an e-mail. i can't find the article online (from the evanston review of 6/12, apparently) but the first lines said this:
"singer-songwriter mark eitzel stunned a small but appreciative audience at nevin's live in evanston friday, stopping his concert mid-song and throwing down his guitar and storming off stage. eitzel later told his manager, bob andrews, that he was quitting music altogether, andrews said."
then later at the end of the article:
"as eitzel walked out of the club, he ripped down a poster of himself. on saturday, most of the contents at www.markeitzel.com had disappeared. the opening page was simply a white screen with the word 'NO' in maroon type. since then, the web site has been more enigmatic, showing pictures of ships. eitzel and his manager were not available for comment on monday."
so of course i looked at the site and it's totally back to normal and as "enigmatic" as ever. (i was loving the big "no" image. too bad i missed it.) see esp. the lovely, sticky picture when you click "all," then "one kills you." but the main hilarious thing is that i wrote him this e-mail begging him not to quit music and saying that i would make him a plate of cookies. dork! but jeez, american music club made some of my favorite music ever. he better not quit just because of chatty audience members and bad backline.
now that i am off the phone with sheila, whose work never ceases, i am also idly wondering what my dumb ex is doing these days; i hear he still doesn't have a job in the big apple. aw. but, what are his days like? he lived for rushing off to lame jobs here, and making busywork for himself. maybe it's all about spending the sugar-mama latte money, mixing a cocktail for her when she gets home from her grueling job, and pestering all of his friends with constant ims. hmmm. so not interested anymore. that was quick.
ok, i'm now off the opening night of summerdance and i know i will be freezing but i am excited; the band, fanfare ciocarlia is awesome. i am in fact missing their first set completely, looks like. damn.
and so much work to do here, there's no more time for yakkin. later,
xosd
i read an article that was posted on a bulletin board here @ work about a mark eitzel show that ended horribly, and in a geek-out panic wrote him (i do not know the man) an e-mail. i can't find the article online (from the evanston review of 6/12, apparently) but the first lines said this:
"singer-songwriter mark eitzel stunned a small but appreciative audience at nevin's live in evanston friday, stopping his concert mid-song and throwing down his guitar and storming off stage. eitzel later told his manager, bob andrews, that he was quitting music altogether, andrews said."
then later at the end of the article:
"as eitzel walked out of the club, he ripped down a poster of himself. on saturday, most of the contents at www.markeitzel.com had disappeared. the opening page was simply a white screen with the word 'NO' in maroon type. since then, the web site has been more enigmatic, showing pictures of ships. eitzel and his manager were not available for comment on monday."
so of course i looked at the site and it's totally back to normal and as "enigmatic" as ever. (i was loving the big "no" image. too bad i missed it.) see esp. the lovely, sticky picture when you click "all," then "one kills you." but the main hilarious thing is that i wrote him this e-mail begging him not to quit music and saying that i would make him a plate of cookies. dork! but jeez, american music club made some of my favorite music ever. he better not quit just because of chatty audience members and bad backline.
now that i am off the phone with sheila, whose work never ceases, i am also idly wondering what my dumb ex is doing these days; i hear he still doesn't have a job in the big apple. aw. but, what are his days like? he lived for rushing off to lame jobs here, and making busywork for himself. maybe it's all about spending the sugar-mama latte money, mixing a cocktail for her when she gets home from her grueling job, and pestering all of his friends with constant ims. hmmm. so not interested anymore. that was quick.
ok, i'm now off the opening night of summerdance and i know i will be freezing but i am excited; the band, fanfare ciocarlia is awesome. i am in fact missing their first set completely, looks like. damn.
and so much work to do here, there's no more time for yakkin. later,
xosd
Wednesday, June 18
** NOTE: the post that was here has been removed to special collections. **
not due to guilt or regret on my part, but just to avoid anyone having to go into a pompous snit.
not due to guilt or regret on my part, but just to avoid anyone having to go into a pompous snit.
wow it's already wednesday. it's been intermittently pouring and sunny today--and really humid. i think we've crossed the weather line this past weekend from cold and crap to humid and hot, the usual (well, usual lately) chicago weather pattern. i went to the library today for lunch and checked out a book, lullaby, by the guy who wrote fight club, not because i've ever read anything by him or even liked the fight club film so much, but the cover art is sorta irresistable. i also reserved a copy of the new harry potter book. now, is that sad? "well at least i didn't buy it" is what i keep telling myself. (but now that i think about it, in a lot of ways, going through the whole hold process at the chicago public library is a much bigger commitment than just spending the cash. hmm.) so i need to carve out time in my super busy social calendar (actually, in my buffy-season-4-watching calendar) to read now. Plus it's all about jobs, resumes, money stuff and cleaning, too right now. i have not been noticing how much there is to do even if you are doing "nothing." and i must so a little catching up with faraway loved ones. but wait! now all plans have changed:anacron just told me about the mini-battle he's having between his 3 breakdancing classes (it's the end of the session) and i MUST check it out. very exciting!
speaking of loved ones: there was this horrifying, random shooting murder that happened recently, in the pastoral vacinity of my workplace, and the victim's friends have put together a fundraiser for his "loved ones." i hate to sound strange, but what exactly does that mean? in this type of situation, terrible as it is, i have always associated victim- -of-violence-related benefits with outright causes; i.e., to help their children, or memorial scholarships, or awareness, or crime-fighting, etc., you know? more indirectly related to the victim but more...i don't know...philanthropic and specific? it's neither here nor there, but it struck me as oddly unclear. go to the benefit if you can! by all accounts this person was a gem. it's so sad.
so itasca last night was hilarious. so great to hang out and chat with jim, and hear about his life, and want to hang out with him and joyce but can't--but the funny part was me driving there, and basically, because of the bright-ass, eye-level-aimed setting sun, missing every single street i was supposed to turn on, having to catch a glimpse of the sign as i cruised through the intersection at the exact perfect non-glare angle. i think i did it 3 times before just pulling into some IKON document building's parking lot and sitting there in my car among the big trucks, unjustifiably overwhelmed, trying to make sense of the wyndham hotel's crazy directions, my partial "chicagoland" map, and my utter ignorance of the the western suburbs. (but it was so close to ikea! i thought for sure i'd get there without a hitch.) plus, as an added bonus, jim gave me an excellent cd of his band, holy roman empire (link, jim? link should be here...), and a bunch of a.p.p.a. convention stuff to take home. nothing is scarier than being positively gleeful from getting the convention tchotchke of a financially flagging organization...
so on my to-do list from that great jim visit is: find ed gray and MAKE the him do a blog, check out aaron wolfe's website regularly (fotolog is really cool and sorta addictive! makes me want to learn to do photogs), find sarah p.'s other band and go see them, and as always stay in way better touch with people.
oh and stay away from the wide, impersonal streets of schaumberg-land. xosd
speaking of loved ones: there was this horrifying, random shooting murder that happened recently, in the pastoral vacinity of my workplace, and the victim's friends have put together a fundraiser for his "loved ones." i hate to sound strange, but what exactly does that mean? in this type of situation, terrible as it is, i have always associated victim- -of-violence-related benefits with outright causes; i.e., to help their children, or memorial scholarships, or awareness, or crime-fighting, etc., you know? more indirectly related to the victim but more...i don't know...philanthropic and specific? it's neither here nor there, but it struck me as oddly unclear. go to the benefit if you can! by all accounts this person was a gem. it's so sad.
so itasca last night was hilarious. so great to hang out and chat with jim, and hear about his life, and want to hang out with him and joyce but can't--but the funny part was me driving there, and basically, because of the bright-ass, eye-level-aimed setting sun, missing every single street i was supposed to turn on, having to catch a glimpse of the sign as i cruised through the intersection at the exact perfect non-glare angle. i think i did it 3 times before just pulling into some IKON document building's parking lot and sitting there in my car among the big trucks, unjustifiably overwhelmed, trying to make sense of the wyndham hotel's crazy directions, my partial "chicagoland" map, and my utter ignorance of the the western suburbs. (but it was so close to ikea! i thought for sure i'd get there without a hitch.) plus, as an added bonus, jim gave me an excellent cd of his band, holy roman empire (link, jim? link should be here...), and a bunch of a.p.p.a. convention stuff to take home. nothing is scarier than being positively gleeful from getting the convention tchotchke of a financially flagging organization...
so on my to-do list from that great jim visit is: find ed gray and MAKE the him do a blog, check out aaron wolfe's website regularly (fotolog is really cool and sorta addictive! makes me want to learn to do photogs), find sarah p.'s other band and go see them, and as always stay in way better touch with people.
oh and stay away from the wide, impersonal streets of schaumberg-land. xosd
Saturday, June 14
weird stuff day!
it's finally warm in chicago. it makes me wonder about the effect the weather here has had on people. my theory: there is a random, war- and extended-winter-related strain in the air that was not there before; more people doing strange and uncharacteristic things and moving all over the place, making giant changes and trying to connect or disconnect in new ways. or maybe it's all in me--like i have a new sense of some people frequency i didn't notice before. it's alarming, really, how clearly i see things--strangeness, mainly-- now, and how much more distant i feel from everyone at the same time. like i'm tapped in to the things everyone else normally blocks out? but i tested my psychic abilities yesterday and bought two scratch-off lottery tickets for the first time in years, and won $9 and a free ticket. so that was cool. but it's a happiness that i can't ride for too long. must find the next thing.
i went into a vintage clothing store (next to the futon store, below) today and found this black lace and crepe vintage dress i had given to a friend a few months back, just hanging there on the rack for consignment. when i gave it to her i thought it'd be more styley and cute on her (on me it was looked boxy and loose) ... is it weird i think that's odd--the dress showing up there, without a word from the friend? maybe. maybe i'll just stop thinking about it. i'm never good at that mental restraint thing, but i'm getting better.
what is all this regret and miscommunication that floats around people in transition? i don't know if my current state of introspection and change has made me just harder to be around (more demanding, maybe? of honesty or straightforwardness? more serious?), meaner or crabbier--i admit i've a much shorter fuse when it comes to inconsistent people and compromising what i want--, or whether there's something to be said for folks who've had to shake off friends completely when those people aren't supportive and flexible. i don't know. is there a web site called "what would oprah do?" yet? should be.
it's hard to say. i do know i think about things a lot and make too much out of everything, and that i spend much precious time worrying what other people think. but maybe my reaction to that goes too forcefully the other way and becomes barbed, even if it's just an internal struggle. who the hell knows. i am writing on a fairly public thing now so i shouldn't get too far into it, right?
dang, so much for getting to see the golf fans!--i had a half-baked idea to go pick up my dad from the u.s. open tournament today (he flew to the city to watch with my brother and a friend) in olympia fields and take him to my grandparents' home just south of where the tournament is held. but i never got in touch, and instead will spend my evening trying to fix and update this blog, resumes, and web site. it's all never-ending. but i admit i'm sad to have missed time with dad, plus being disproportionately excited to: 1)-find out where this "Olympia Fields, IL" is, and 2) check out the throngs of people who paid big money to silently watch the supergolfers golf, a world i do not understand at all. but i will have to wait until another time for that peek, which is fine by me i guess.
instead i've spent my saturday in a futon store, and though it is a really lovely futon store, with a lovely staff working there, i feel a bit guilty that i misused the first fair-weathered weekend day i've seen. but it was fun (helping sheila choose a customized cover took the bulk of the 3+ hours there!) and truly it was sorta funny. makes me definitely want to earn more money, too--enough to actually purchase something large, new and custom one day. it's hard to imagine that but i think i can get there, and hopefully i can do it on my own. if not there's always the website panhandling...
that's the weird day i'm having. my friend jim is coming to town this week from north carolina and i hope to get together with him; haven't seen him in ages. i wonder if it's for the national press photographer's assn. conference...he said it was in itasca next wknd, and that's the first one i found, googling. that would be super interesting!
ok must go work on putting a comment posting thing into here and then onward to the actual web site to figure out how to embed the fonts and make it look decent...
have a great night, youse.
it's finally warm in chicago. it makes me wonder about the effect the weather here has had on people. my theory: there is a random, war- and extended-winter-related strain in the air that was not there before; more people doing strange and uncharacteristic things and moving all over the place, making giant changes and trying to connect or disconnect in new ways. or maybe it's all in me--like i have a new sense of some people frequency i didn't notice before. it's alarming, really, how clearly i see things--strangeness, mainly-- now, and how much more distant i feel from everyone at the same time. like i'm tapped in to the things everyone else normally blocks out? but i tested my psychic abilities yesterday and bought two scratch-off lottery tickets for the first time in years, and won $9 and a free ticket. so that was cool. but it's a happiness that i can't ride for too long. must find the next thing.
i went into a vintage clothing store (next to the futon store, below) today and found this black lace and crepe vintage dress i had given to a friend a few months back, just hanging there on the rack for consignment. when i gave it to her i thought it'd be more styley and cute on her (on me it was looked boxy and loose) ... is it weird i think that's odd--the dress showing up there, without a word from the friend? maybe. maybe i'll just stop thinking about it. i'm never good at that mental restraint thing, but i'm getting better.
what is all this regret and miscommunication that floats around people in transition? i don't know if my current state of introspection and change has made me just harder to be around (more demanding, maybe? of honesty or straightforwardness? more serious?), meaner or crabbier--i admit i've a much shorter fuse when it comes to inconsistent people and compromising what i want--, or whether there's something to be said for folks who've had to shake off friends completely when those people aren't supportive and flexible. i don't know. is there a web site called "what would oprah do?" yet? should be.
it's hard to say. i do know i think about things a lot and make too much out of everything, and that i spend much precious time worrying what other people think. but maybe my reaction to that goes too forcefully the other way and becomes barbed, even if it's just an internal struggle. who the hell knows. i am writing on a fairly public thing now so i shouldn't get too far into it, right?
dang, so much for getting to see the golf fans!--i had a half-baked idea to go pick up my dad from the u.s. open tournament today (he flew to the city to watch with my brother and a friend) in olympia fields and take him to my grandparents' home just south of where the tournament is held. but i never got in touch, and instead will spend my evening trying to fix and update this blog, resumes, and web site. it's all never-ending. but i admit i'm sad to have missed time with dad, plus being disproportionately excited to: 1)-find out where this "Olympia Fields, IL" is, and 2) check out the throngs of people who paid big money to silently watch the supergolfers golf, a world i do not understand at all. but i will have to wait until another time for that peek, which is fine by me i guess.
instead i've spent my saturday in a futon store, and though it is a really lovely futon store, with a lovely staff working there, i feel a bit guilty that i misused the first fair-weathered weekend day i've seen. but it was fun (helping sheila choose a customized cover took the bulk of the 3+ hours there!) and truly it was sorta funny. makes me definitely want to earn more money, too--enough to actually purchase something large, new and custom one day. it's hard to imagine that but i think i can get there, and hopefully i can do it on my own. if not there's always the website panhandling...
that's the weird day i'm having. my friend jim is coming to town this week from north carolina and i hope to get together with him; haven't seen him in ages. i wonder if it's for the national press photographer's assn. conference...he said it was in itasca next wknd, and that's the first one i found, googling. that would be super interesting!
ok must go work on putting a comment posting thing into here and then onward to the actual web site to figure out how to embed the fonts and make it look decent...
have a great night, youse.
Thursday, June 12
so although this lovely blog is just starting, and who knows where it will lead..., i signed up with blogsnob--see the little gray box to the right?--a random, rotating blog link. if you follow it and find something really cool, please let me know! very soon, I hope, there will be room on here to add your own comments (regarding blogs, posts or whatever) for anyone to see, and that'll be a good place to let me and other pop-blog readers know about the noteworthy stuff you find.
the thing is, i am becoming aware of all the little gadgets on peoples' blogs, and though some seem crazy and ridiculously self-or-blog-aggrandizing, blogsnob, ironically, is a pretty cool one. i see it as a value-add for you, my gentle visitors with all too much time on your hands.
the thing is, i am becoming aware of all the little gadgets on peoples' blogs, and though some seem crazy and ridiculously self-or-blog-aggrandizing, blogsnob, ironically, is a pretty cool one. i see it as a value-add for you, my gentle visitors with all too much time on your hands.
Wednesday, June 11
ok hello i am rushing to avoid getting a parking ticket or--worse--the boot! i have been slaving away on the pop-tart home page for 2 days straight and it's up! so check it out and if you notice weirdnesses or problems, let me know. i have been avoiding all blogging, journaling, ranting, writing, emailing, sleeping, reading--everything but that damn site so you have to be patient for anything very good to show up here, thank you. a special hello and a big apology to tara and wendy, the foxy ladies i've avoided most in the last month or so. and peter forbes mcdowell, in france or wherever you might be: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
that's all i got. see you soon,
sd
that's all i got. see you soon,
sd
Friday, June 6
so it is friday and I spent all night after work yesterday creating some pretty simple and not cute enough temporary html pages for my new, main site. finally! i am excited and now just need to learn to upload them. so soon i will be real and actual on the web! (wahoo!) and i think i am gonna tell people about this in case they want to keep up (down) with me and my very exciting life, since i am a keeping-in-touch procrastinator. it's a little impersonal and maybe narcissistic, but i think it will be nice, and if anyone who reads this is blogging themselves, please let me know. i am fascinated.
on the party front* i'm going to a friend's show at old town early and then i think i'm gonna pass on jonathan richman's show tonight--weird; i haven't missed a show of his in 10+ years--and babysit a cutie instead. that should be fun...too bad he'll be asleep. then it's a debt seminar tomorrow at the library and yo la tengo at night, and the thin man's opening slot, then catch up with my young friend jessica's 25th b-day celebration sometime, somewhere, hopefully before it's too sloppy and while i can still buy her some drinks.
this level of activity after staying in for weeks--months, it seems!--is exhausting to think about. hope i can make it. sunday i'm just working a show here and that is all, probably also go for a bike ride or a long stint at the gym. in fact, i need to go there now, for a little bit, and come back and work.
happy wknd!
on the party front* i'm going to a friend's show at old town early and then i think i'm gonna pass on jonathan richman's show tonight--weird; i haven't missed a show of his in 10+ years--and babysit a cutie instead. that should be fun...too bad he'll be asleep. then it's a debt seminar tomorrow at the library and yo la tengo at night, and the thin man's opening slot, then catch up with my young friend jessica's 25th b-day celebration sometime, somewhere, hopefully before it's too sloppy and while i can still buy her some drinks.
this level of activity after staying in for weeks--months, it seems!--is exhausting to think about. hope i can make it. sunday i'm just working a show here and that is all, probably also go for a bike ride or a long stint at the gym. in fact, i need to go there now, for a little bit, and come back and work.
happy wknd!
Thursday, June 5
hey friends,
welcome to my new, less-secret blog. if you'd like to e-mail me, please do - just to tell me that you are here. i'm learning how to make web sites, looking for a career, getting over a broken heart, and trying to figure out how to sell my crafts, so i'm busy now but you'll still see some posts and some design changes, i promise, if you check back here once a week or so. if you want to see how things are going on my main site, or are looking for amusement, just check out the links to the right.
and my pledge to you is that things are looking better every day.
xosd
welcome to my new, less-secret blog. if you'd like to e-mail me, please do - just to tell me that you are here. i'm learning how to make web sites, looking for a career, getting over a broken heart, and trying to figure out how to sell my crafts, so i'm busy now but you'll still see some posts and some design changes, i promise, if you check back here once a week or so. if you want to see how things are going on my main site, or are looking for amusement, just check out the links to the right.
and my pledge to you is that things are looking better every day.
xosd
