Got the fever

Lois demonstrating sorta how I feel right now about men.

Soooo, I didn't get the awesome amazing apartment. They rented it to friends of theirs. BUT they might have another place in that building or another place in their building (in a different neighborhood, which would blow) that would be smaller, but cheaper, so I am waiting on that. I haven't told my roommate yet but I think I really need to live alone and do some downsizing. I will still dream of 4 closets and separate rooms, though...that place was amazing.

Yes, definitely the problem with a makeout in the midst of a dry spell, plus the warmer weather, plus extra exercise, is the residual hormonal craziness that follows. Erg.

I drank a few beers with my friend E on Thursday night and texted P to test the waters for a possible part II (just what I said I didn't want) and got nowhere, plus he left town (phew) so now I am seriously considering other options. But there aren't many.

I remember my friend and college ex S went through a "Do you want to make out?" phase, where he'd just ask girls that...and that was effective for him years ago, I think he even got a girlfriend out of it! Problem is, at age 39, being in any situation where that line would be usable is ridiculously rare.

So I sit, and read CL, and match.com, and wonder what the hell to do next.

Guess I'll take my dog out.

In the grocery store

last night, when I was having a what-next conversation with drunkenmakeoutP, at one point I could have sworn he was telling me he hadn't had sex in like 4 years, but there was a loud cart guy next to me, and I pretended I didn't hear that, and he wouldn't repeat it. He's funny with the TMI about some stuff and then NEI (not enough information) about other things.

I also told him it was fine to have a mess-around thing, but not if we were just friends, and certainly not if there are more feelings involved from either party. He said he felt like we were friends with potential for more. I told him I didn't know him well enough to know if I wanted more. He asked me if I'd like to go to dinner again sometime. I said yes.


Me with one of my awesome nieces last week. I hope they are not single and struggling with ridiculousness at age 39. Seriously. Count this as my prayer about it.

He apologized for confusing things. He said he was still totally messed up from having cancer, and he had bouts of depression, and admitted to being a "liquid courage" seeker when it comes to women. And he was bummed that I/anyone thought he just made out with drunken women at every German event...but I pointed out that he had, right? And he said "Yeah, I guess I have - but only the last 3!"

It was pretty much the funniest conversation I have ever had in a crowded grocery store or anywhere else with a guy. I bet the people around me heard some funny shit.

He's going on a 10-day vacation Friday with his extremely spouse-like also single best-friend sister, so I was easy breezy about the whole thing and am looking forward to the break from thinking about him.

So the answer to what's next is that I have to keep it in my pants (did I tell you he was a great kisser and I was totally into the makeout? Well, I told him - last night from the grocery store freezer section).

And I have to not use this whole thing to start another bad-match relationship or unsatisfying FWB situation, and then I HAVE to concentrate on ME stuff. It's really hard for me in summer. I really, really want to have someone to make out with right now.

So the things I am trying to channel my frustrated energy into are:
- Garage sale that's on June 13 in which I hope to get rid of tons, TONS of my stuff!
- Moving, perhaps, if I get this new place (fingers crossed, please wish me luck)
- The research paper I still have to write about John Milton's late works and 10-12 pieces of criticism about them
- Doing a good enough job at my job that I can eventually hand off part of it to someone else if the higher powers approve. I've been swamped for 10 years and I am tired.
- Painting. I want to start for real again. (How many times have I said that?)
- Dating a few more people. Match.com, or neighborhood people, or just finding some more guys for the platter. There ARE good guys out there, I know it!
- Running. My training starts Saturday, and I have to learn to run long, long distances in a very short time to make it through the 1/2 marathon on August 2.

oh crap

So: you remember the last post? Well, now I went and made out with him - in public (!) last night. Great. Not sure what is happening now but I can tell that things are going to be interesting. And probably frustrating.

I got home super late, and was kept up by a freaking-out dog because of a storm at about 4am, and it's raining now for 3 days and I have a hangover, so I am sure I will mope and fret about it all day everyday...great. Oh and I have 2 doc appts. today, so I can't swim and get my mind off it.

Interestingly, I joined match.com a week or so ago and that is somewhat equally pathetic - though there have been some decent-seeming guys "interested" in me - I just can't bring myself to contact them. Then there are creepy guys or really old guys (WHY do the old guys like me?!) and it makes the whole thing even more daunting.

In other news, I was walking my dog about a block from my apartment and noticed a "For Rent" sign for a 3-bedroom apt. with laundry in the building on a 2nd floor for $700, which would be low enough for me to pay by myself (though I would be poorer than usual because right now I pay about 600ish) and I could finally at age 39 be roommate-free. I went to see it yesterday and met the landlady. It was really old and crusty but I could see it being GREAT with my lovin touch! And there's a great back yard and porch. Anyway, we'll see - I know she had a lot of interest. In Chicago, that rent, even with tenant-paid utilities, is outrageously cheap!