Pics, plaster parties, pooches

David and Sheila on the roof, looking blurry.

It's been a lovely, relaxing (read: lazy) weekend. Sheila, her friend/coworker David, and I went to a 60th birthday party for Cynthia Plaster Caster at the home of Derek Erdman (whom you might remember from an earlier post) and had a great time.

Cynthia (in hat; she looks wasted here but she wasn't) and Cat with the delicious psychedelic-frosted cock-shaped sugar cookies Cat made.

I didn't think I'd last more than an hour but we stayed til after 2 and I wasn't in bed sleeping til after 3 - I had to walk the pooches. I drank red wine. Not enough to get drunk—I *was* the designated driver after all—but I did talk to a cute guy and got a cigarette from him for David. That's the extent of my so-called "flirting abilities."


The sign Derek painted for Cynthia, and Julia talking in front. Note the Nancy Reagan with bad hair painting in the top corner. Hilarious.

Being at Derek's place again made me a) want to make more art and b) want to own more art, so I got out my checkbook and bought paintings from him for a ridiculously cheap amount. I didn't take them with me, but will have to go back and get them. I like his style a lot and like him, so it's a feel-good-all-over way to spend my last $50 until pay day. It just means I won't pay as much to my credit card. Oh well.

Here are the pooches on the porch.

Lois has been having a great time with Hedley here - it's sad that he's only got one more day with us!

Yesterday I hung out with my mom and the pooches, and we ate and talked and I did a load of laundry, and today I've done some cleaning and restoring the kitchen to its normal state - the surprise floor replacement thing really did me in, and my roommate hasn't helped at all unless you count putting all the kitchen stuff onto the living room floor and leaving it there all week...

I'm heading over for a swim, basically to avoid more cleaning. Thank goodness the pool is open today! Happy Memorial Day!

Hearts and flowers

Here are 2 twilight pictures from my lovely porch garden! I finally finished all the planting today. I also went swimming, took the dogs for 2 long walks (and some short ones), took Sheila on some errands (she doesn't drive) and splurged for the latest Yo La Tengo CD, I am not afraid of you and I will beat your ass, which is about a year old but I never got it. It's SO good. I am only down to a few bands I still like and make an effort to buy and listen to, and YLT is always worth it. I swear, they make my life better.

I haven't had a chance to write about my internet date on Tuesday night - my first from match.com. He is a divorced police officer, cute, balding, blond, and tall. We met at the Starbucks across from my workplace. He was friendly for the most part, but he did this spacing out thing every once in a while, which was disconcerting, especially because he was doing most of the talking (which is a gooooood tactic I learned from that book). The sorta kicker came when I said, fishing for topics:

"So, what kind of music do you like?"

"I dunno. I guess I mostly listen to Q101 in the car. Nothing particular."

"Well, what about at home?"

At this, he went on the tell the story of how, when he got his iPod, he didn't have any music to put in it, so he went to a friend's house, and borrowed his friend's wife's CD collection, which was huge, because she had been a member of the Columbia record and tape club for like 20 years. So that well-chosen bunch of stuff is what's in his iTunes and iPod.

It was then that what I had suspected ever since he contacted me was absolutely certain: I would never be able to hang out with this guy again.

He went on to talk about how he would NEVER let his dog sniff anything while they were on walks, which was a handful of extra nails in the coffin.

When we finally decided to end the torture, about 1-1/2 hours too late, I grabbed my bags - laptop and regular, and he asked:

"Oh, do you have a Mac?"

"Yes! I love it."

"Yeah...all the artsy people have those."

(Awkward pause while I fumble with my bike helmet.)

"Um, OK, nice to meet you! Thanks for the iced tea!"

...at least it was a lovely night for sitting at a sidewalk cafe!

Two Dog Nights

I have two dogs right now, and unfortunately, I did not sleep much last night. Hedley (above R) is Lois' boyfriend dog, and his "Mom," Lisa, who lives in Madison now, had a wedding to attend in Austin, so even though dog and mom are rarely apart, Hedley's staying with us for 6 days.

I LOVE Hedley. He's a great, mellow, and very handsome, fluffy dog (as you can see). I took him and Lois for a 2-hour walk-and-park-play last night. But, all the excitement of a new place (and no Lisa) must have still made Hedley restless, and Hedley being in Lois's midst at all, let alone restless, made Lois all anxious, so basically I was up at least once every hour during the night. I took them out twice in that time, fearing one or both of them had to go (but they didn't). They would jump on and off the bed, make semi-growly noises in response to each other or to things outside, and click, click, click, click across the floor, then plunk down in various places for catnaps, sometimes with sighs and groans. No matter how much I petted them, sang, and talked softly—trying to make them hang out and go to sleep—it didn't work. The upshot is that I couldn't get out of bed for my 8am meeting, and I've been acting spacey and dropping things all day.

In other news, I don't have to go in to work tomorrow! Woot-woot! 4-day weekend! (But I do teach on Sunday...that's fine.)

And: I'm back in the swimming groove! More on that later.
And: above is my heinous, but new, kitchen floor. There have been workmen in and out of my apartment all week. They still haven't replaced the screen or handle on my back door but I am hoping for that soon. Slumlords...what are you gonna do?

Woody's was smokin', or Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight

Fire! Well...sorta. Last night there was a fire scare directly across the street from my apartment. I'd just come home from Home Depot (more potting soil) and Petsmart (dog food and a new kong), and parked directly in front of Smokin' Woody's, a barbecue joint whose front door is directly in line with my bed window (Oh yeah, the smells on summer window-fan days are as incredible as you imagine.) It turns out Woody's was the burning building, and suddenly my street was swarming with firemen - 3 fire engines, 2 of those paddy-wagon trucks, and a big SUV supervisor truck, plus an ambulance and a couple of cop cars surrounded, my street and my car. Of course, Lois and I went down and sat on the stoop in front of our door and watched all the action. It was better than a DVD and I'm getting tired of those anyway.

My building neighbors, Steve and Alia, also came down, and my other building neighbor, Nadrine the crazy lady, was up in her window trying to talk to us, too. It's funny how many people come out for a fire. Guys on bikes and blades stopped too, asking what was up. A cute girly couple came up and petted Lois for a while. Lots of people just stood around (including many of the official men in uniform). It was nice. And a great night for a fire, weatherwise. I don't think there was any real damage.

Except that the firemen broke through the glass door of the restuarant, and maybe the funniest part of the night was how long it took them to clean up the glass - about double the whole rest of their manouevers, including the big ladder and everything.

Then, after all the engines took off, and when I was sitting in the living room, all of a sudden I heard drilling and a guy with the THICKEST CHICAGO ACCENT I have ever heard, talking about 'dis' and 'dat' and 'C'mahn, gice, let's get it over dehr!' Apparently it was the guys that came to fix the door.

Woody was probably very sad to see the whole thing this morning. But you know what? He's not the nicest man, so I actually think it might be karma. He's the kind of guy who harasses all females and then always has the "Waitress Wanted" sign in the window.

Continuing Education

I watched Pedro Almodovar's Bad Education last night and, while it was better than most cinema out there, it wasn't my favorite of his films. That said, it's always fun to see the art direction, costuming, melodrama, and cinematic choices Almodovar makes. Plus, his actors are always great, and usually hot.

OK: I teach 5 classes a week, I currently take 5 classes a week, and I manage 150 classes a week. I just signed up Lois, my dog, and I to take yet another class starting next week (Pet Dog Training 201 at the Anti-Cruelty Society), which will make it 6 classes a week, and I also want to learn tennis this summer, which might break the bank at 7 classes. I'm also still hoping to finish my darn Bachelor's degree — in order to be able to go to grad school someday — which is going to be more classes, ad nauseum.

Part of me is all for this. It's essential to contine to learn. And god knows I need all kinds of improvements — clearly the world thinks this, too, because I don't exactly have men clamoring for my attention, or a family, or a home, or a fancy (or really even decent) job, or lots of people wanting to hang out with me.

The other part of me, though, sorta quietly whispers every once in a while, 'Can I stop now?' Someday, I just want to read fiction and comic books and watch movies and paint and draw and ride my bike around and make food and listen to music and kiss a guy I like. And not learn a thing, unless by accident...

Sandwich love

Dear Darling Delicious Sandwich,
I love you. You are what I most look forward to with my post-sickness appetite. You bring out the best in me. I will eat the shit out of you.
Love,
Sarah

Make your own D.D.S.! Be happy for a few minutes!

You'll need:
Good French Bread (La Brea from Jewel—if in Chicago—recommended, or LaBrea Wheat if you are in a pinch - I was)
Hellman's Light Mayo on one side
Grey Poupon Horseradish Mustard on the other
Fontiago Cheese (from Trader Joe's - "a creamy mix of Fontina and Asiago")
Thinly sliced Ham (or if you are fancy and in a pinch, Bresaola)
Thinly sliced Vine Tomatoes (must be ripe and delicious)
Thinly sliced (Slice the tiny things! Do not be lazy!) Cornichons (Trader Joe's, again)

P.S. I found my camera.

Takin' what they're givin'

Yep. Sadly, I finally had to go back to work. It's been so nice lying in bed for days on end — I've never gotten more sleep in my life. And I didn't get anything fitness-, afghan-, or housecleaning-related done while I was at home, but it was apparently necessary for me to spend the time sleeping. I was trying to"listen to my body." (I wish sometimes it would listen to me!)

During my convalescence, I also signed up for Facebook, which is interesting, and I have like four very random friends. What a weird world of networks our internet age has started.

One facebook "friend" is the M guy I haven't even met yet. He owes me an email. I sorta want to just meet him, get it over with. I have no patience with this dating stuff.

I spent the evening at work, til after 8, and then went to the record store and then came home, took Lois for a long walk, made the world's most delicious sandwich, and then watched Little Children, which somewhat depressed me but I liked it. I now have that awkward-movie-taste-in-my-mouth thing, though, which makes me want to watch another movie before I go to bed, to have a different mood with me. I don't know. Part of me identified with the Ronnie character - unable to connect properly with anyone. It was a lonely film.

I saw The Lives of Others last night at the Davis with Sally and Eva. Almost too much of a feel-good ending for my tastes, though. What's with these movies that wrap it up all neatly? I like the raw edges. I guess I expected more of that from a European film.

My missing digital camera is a real issue. (See how boring this post is? It's the no-pics problemo.)

And I can't figure out what to do with my time tomorrow. If only I had a burning motivation to do ANYTHING with my life at this moment. And, you know, it doesn't help to feel as alone as I have recently. Maybe that will eventually help things along, I'll have to just face aloneness...

Wow. OK, this is getting a bit whiny; time to stop!

G'night.

Why always in ALL CAPS?

Unrelated movie reco: Volver. Carmen Maura + Penélope Cruz's rack = Almodovar gem.

I have to dedicate this whole post to the message I just got on MySpace. Now, I get a lot of crazy messages, as does every female, I am sure. For example, the no-punctuation one-liner from Monday: "WHASSUP U LOOKIN FINE AND SEXY AND BEAUTIFUL HOW U DOING TODAY"

or this one, from Beto, 19: "HEY WELL I DONT USUALY SAY THIS TO OLDER WOMAN BUT UR ONE HOT GIRL WELL HOPE U DONT GET MAD FOR THE RANDOM MESSAGE :)"

But this one, from DAN (see pic), takes the cake:

May 16, 2007 11:26 PM
Subject: ANYONE WITH DOGS ON HER CHEST IS OK
Body: DEAREST SARAH
WE ARE PLEASED TOO ANNOUNCE THAT
THERE MIGHT BE NEW MAN ABOUT TO ENTER YOUR LIFE.THIS GUY IS JUST WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.
HE HAS ENDEARING QUALITY'S SUCH AS LOYALTY, NEATNESS AND ENDLESS CHARM.
HE CAN COOK, CLEAN AND FIND LOOSE CHANGE UNDER THE BED.
HE IS HAPPIEST WHEN HE CAN HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TOO.
HE CAN GROW A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER OUT OF A PILE OF CRAP
HE WILL BAIT YOUR HOOK BUT HE WILL TEASE YOU ABOUT IT.
HE SEE’S THING DIFFERENTLY THAN EVERYONE ELSE.
HE'S READY TO FULFILL YOUR WILDEST FANTASIES AS LONG AS YOU CAN TAKE IT
HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO PLAY GAMES.
HE CAN HELP YOU LOOK FOR THE POT AT THE END OF A RAINBOW.
HE WILL TREAT YOU LIKE A LADY BUT WOULD RATHER YOU NOT ACT LIKE ONE.
HE WILL TELL YOU HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU LOOK AND REALLY MEAN IT.
HE WILL CATER TO YOUR NEEDS ONLY IF YOU BEG.
HE WON’T MAKE YOU LOOK AT HIS ART; HE WILL MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND WHY.
HE HAS THE CAPACITY TOO NOT BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU’RE FRIENDS SAY.
HE HAS FOUND THE MEANING OF LIFE HE MAY OR MAY NOT SHARE.
HE COULD GIVE YOU CHILDREN BUT WOULD RATHER NOT.
HE WILL BUY YOU DINNER AND NOT EXPECT YOU TO PAY FOR THE MOVIE.
HE HAS A LOT BETTER THINGS TO DO IN BED THAN EAT CRACKERS.
HE CAN LOOK YOU DEEP IN YOUR EYES AND SEE THE PROMISED LAND.
HE REALIZES THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE RIGHT AND WILL ONLY SHED NEW LIGHT ON IT.
HE WILL PUT THE SEAT DOWN BUT ONLY IN THE DARK.
HE CAN PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS IF HE DISIRES.
HE CAN GIVE YOU EVERYTHING AS LONG AS YOU WANT NOTHING.
HE CAN SEE THE LIGHT IF YOU GET HIS GLASSES.
HE KNOWS WHEN TO GO BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD.
HE MAY FIND YOUR 1 FAULT AND WILL TELL NO ONE.
HE COULD LOVE YOU TO DEATH BUT WOULD RATHER LET YOU LIVE.
HE WILL ASK YOU TOO FIGURE THIS OUT db9629me AT yahoo DOT com AND YOU WILL.
HE WILL ASK YOU WHAT WINE YOU’LL LIKE WITH DINNER BECAUSE HE DOESN’T HAVE A CLUE.
HE IS FULLY CAPABLE OF MULTI TASKING BUT ONLY USES THIS SKILL IN BED.
HE CAN SEE THE BEAUTY IN ATOMS BEING STRUNG TOGETHER TO FORM A MORE PERFECT OBJECT.
HE WILL FIND ALL YOU HAVE LOST AND ONLY CHARGE THE MINIMUM TO TELL YOU WHERE IT IS.
HE CAN TREAT YOU AS A QUEEN BUT WOULD RATHER TREAT YOU AS AN EQUAL.
HE KNOWS WHAT WORDS LIKE HATE, DESPISE, JEALOUSY, DIVORCE MEAN BUT WOULD RATHER NOT PRACTICE THEM.
HE WILL BE YOUR FRIEND WHEN YOU CAN DEPEND ON NO ONE.
YOU MAY FIND THIS MAN ANYWHERE BUT YOU WOULD HAVE A BETTER CHANCE AT EMAIL ABOVE.
IF YOU THINK A GOOD TIME IS MORE PSYCHOLOGICAL THAN PHYSICALOGICAL HIT DELETE AND TRY AGAIN.

-----------
OK.

a) What the hell does that last line mean?
b) What is this about the multitasking in bed? Yipes. Icky. And.. crackers?
c) "Atoms being strung togeth"---WHAT?!

Now, I've worked for f-ing Public Access Television, I have made espresso drinks, alone, in the middle of a public street, and I have had to wake sleeping homeless guys in Grant Park to tell them to get the hell out of the flower beds or please don't pee/plug in your razor/fight each other on the stage, but there is a limit to the online nutters I can handle. It might be time for me to change my picture on MySpace.

xo

Whitestrips & Dixie Chicks

1) I am doing crest whitestrips, the 10-day ones. It's annoying, because whenever I put them in (for the 30 minutes 2x a day) is exactly when I want to drink things and eat. BUT whitening my teeth is the only thing I can currently do to improve my appearance while I am sick, since I cannot swim or really exercise, so I am doing it.

2) I bought a yoga ball today when I was out of the house. I sit on one at work as my "desk chair," but this new, bright yellow one is for home use to do a particular exercise I should do every day. So I am starting tomorrow. I also need a jumprope for home, which I will get tomorrow.

3) I talked to 3 new guys today; two on phone (S2, D) and one on IM (G). Hmm.

4) I realized M, the Thursday date, didn't put an answer on the "relationship status" line on the dating site. Hmm.

5) I would rather stay home and sleep and clean than date anyone new right now, but I want very much to meet "the one," and so I feel I have to plug away at dating. Plus if I can like someone as much as I liked DG, I can practice not doing all the dumb stuff I did with him.

6) I would like to never, ever go back to work.

7) I can't find my camera. (Can you tell?)

8) Lois is the best dog ever. Seriously, she is just sleeping with me all day while I am sick. What a lovebug.


9) The Dixie Chicks documentary, Shut Up and Sing, is fabulous. I've never really listened to or cared much about the band, but I am definitely a fan now. They are three talented, tough, and real ladies. The film is great. Rent that after you rent Schultze.

xo poptart

Sigh of relief

Today is one month, exactly, from the last good day with DG. So, quite serendipitously, he emailed me tonight. It wasn't exactly what I'd hoped for, and that is because he — luckily — is not me. But the email didn't entirely close the door, either. It does make it so that I can probably go on a couple of dates with other people this month without being all piney and weird. I can leave him up to fate.

Mainly, it was funny to find out that we are more or less in the same place about stuff - at my therapist a couple weeks ago, I realized that while dating him, I lost track of all school deadlines and now have to wait 'til fall to start taking the classes I need. I've been so caught up in dating that my own goals (besides finding someone) were lost, my apartment became a (n even bigger) nightmare, I neglected a couple friends, and look - my health, ultimately, went down the tubes as a result, forcing me to chill. I am glad in many ways for a chance to put on the brakes, and, lo and behold, that's basically what DG emailed that he was doing. He probably had more than one dating situation going, but for me, even the one with him was enough to really test who I am and what I want.

At work today, I decided to take tomorrow and Wednesday off as vacation days to continue my recovery. I think I'm outta sick days. It still hurts to breathe a bit, and I'm super low energy, sleepy, and feverish. People kept asking me, "What is wrong with you??" all day. It was funny. Must have been the goosebumps and the glassy eyes? The lack of my usual piping in on everyone else's conversations? The fact that I wore sweats to work and hadn't washed my hair? Or, maybe because I almost broke down completely in tears when Sharon asked me for the accompanist information for payroll?? (Ha ha ha ha ha, oh, that was good. I'll have to apologize for that when I get back.)

All I know is, I am taking care of me for the next two days. Somebody say amen.

Movies in my head

I finally watched Schultze Gets the Blues and it was so, so great. Highly recommended - quirky, and sad and true and lovely and just hilarious. A great flick. I want the soundtrack now, too.

DG reccommended it, a while ago, and I added it to my Netflix queue, and it was one of those - has this ever happened to you? - when you've seen and liked every single one of the movies in the previews they attach, so you know you'll love the film itself? Well, I LOVED it. Reminded me at times of the humor and pace of Bagdad Cafe (maybe a German sensibility thing?), but with just a wonderfully unique grasp of cinematography, scoring, simplicity and everyday pictures - life's (fleeting) moments. Watch it.

I also finished crocheting around a square for the afghan. And taught two classes. And slept the rest of the day. I'm still completely sick and I am pretty sure it's pneumonia.

Still

This is my bedside table.

I'm still sick. I've taken three days off from work (unprecedented!), gone to the doctor (started my inhaler and nasal spray yesterday; nothing feels different) and poor Lois and I have been pretty much in bed for the whole time, except when I have gone out to see live music at night.

Thursday night was the great Daniel Johnston, and the show was indeed GREAT. I am so glad we went. Plus it was short, and civilized, at the Lakefront Theatre, which is a lovely seated venue and nonsmoking. Two cute guys sat behind me and Sheila but I didn't talk to them - I need to get better at that. Every uber-sincere, tortured love song, of course, was written for me about DG and I almost choked up like three times. I am putting the movie about Daniel on my Netflix list right now. I sorta forgot about it.

I slept ALLLLLL day yesterday, and decided at the last moment to still go see Wanda Jackson at Fitzgerald's because a) the ticket was $25 with all the convenience charges and b) I needed her girly rock female inspiration. I went alone, which was good, only talked to Charles and Lisa a bit - I got there late, and missed part of the Lustre Kings' rockabilly set (but I'm glad I caught some of it, they are great!) then left as soon as it was over. I'm glad I showered and got out of the house, if for a bit.

My car CD player is broken - the Go-Go's compilation disc 2 got stuck in there - which sucks, but there IS an upside: now I am listening to my cassettes again, in the car. It's awesome! Yesterday I listened to Scrawl, and the Housemartins and Dwight Yoakam. It's great; the cassette era was a whole different bunch of music for me than my current/CD era - I'm not one who ran out and replaced everything — just too expensive. So I sang loudly to Scrawl's "I'm Sad" on the Eisenhower Expy last night on the way to Berwyn, and I'm still sick, but it made me happy. Weird how that works, innit?

This just in

Sheila and me on our "Urban Picnic" before the PB&J show - thanks Bruce F. for the pic!

Much better today because they saw me at the doctor's office and gave me all kinds of prescriptions. Didn't hear anything in my chest, though, which worries me. (So, why does it hurt, then?)

Now, when I say "they" saw me, what I mean to say is a young, not-all-that-doctory man saw me. Not my normal doctor, or anyone I've ever seen there, and his name wasn't on the door or anything. He had to have been like 28? at the most? He had a silver ring on his thumb, and his clothes were sorta old and ill-fitting. He was seriously like 12. How could he have finished med school already? And, he seemed a little scattered. Are there 3rd-tier doctors who just need a job like everyone else? But he helped me, so...

Or am I just getting old?

OK, online dating update:
S, the web guy I went out with Saturday, called me today to see if I was feeling better. He got my voice mail and said he'd call later. Still not sure on him, but what a nice guy!
J, the fun-to-email-with advertising guy, asked me for my pictures because he's too cheap to actually pay for the site and could only see my main pic. I sent them this morning, early, and this is the longest he's gone between emails to me. Good riddance.
P, the nice one who lives in the neighborhood, and I are still exchanging fairly innocuous emails, but he did apologize for the delay of three days before writing me back. No plans in sight. Makes his own furniture.
M, the journalist, had some stuff come up for him at work that precluded our tentative plans for last night, and tried to reach me via email but messed up my addresss. I was sick anyway so we are postponing til next week. All sorta good.

We'll see.

DG update: I am reading a great book, "The Surrendered Single," and I am so hyper-aware of my patterns, defenses and fears about relationships now (between the book and my own thinkin' about what happened with him) that I know if I'd just read this before meeting him, things would be so incredibly different. Which is sad to admit, but very hopeful for the next guy I feel that strongly for. I wish it could be him!! I can honestly say, though, that I am SO, SO, SO thankful that he came into my life, so that I really focused and realized that I am simply not interested in dating for dating's sake - I am really looking to meet someONE special and - gasp! - eventually get married. I'm not even scared to say that 'out loud' anymore. And I'm glad also that I started seriously swimming again, that's thanks to him, too. He was my fitness kick role model...which is funny. But if those two things are the only ties I'll have to him, they are still great ones. I also just know, now, what I do when faced with intimacy (react with fear and control and a false 'independence' that reads as rejection), and that's so important to recognize about and learn to avoid. Sometimes "self-help" books are a valuable confirmation of what you're discovering on your own.

Sick (and tired)

The view outside of my apartment - Eight of my windows face what was once a quaint old-time gas station, and now they're digging it up after two years standing untouched. You would not believe the gasoline stench that is permeating the neighborhood. It's incredible. Noisy as hell, too.

Ugh. I woke up today with a chest like a ton of bricks, not much voice, and that glazed -eye, head-aching, fatigue that can only mean bronchitis. Or something.

I tried to sleep through the racket they are making outside, and thankfully Lois let me sleep in a bit. The first thing I thought was "Damn, I guess I shouldn't swim." and then, "Work. Shit." So I called in. I also am looking for subs for my three art classes tomorrow, which is tough without a voice. It sucks too because I love the classes and could use the money.

Yesterday was Lois Day, the 2nd anniversary of her adoption. We didn't do much to celebrate (last year there was a party) except a couple of nice long walks and playing with the ball at the good park, and some extra treats throughout the day. Many times I'm reminded that she's the best thing in my life — I'm so glad she's here with me!

I went to the Peter, Bjorn and John concert last night which was AMAZING - they put on quite a show and I am officially a superfan. NG was there with his new girl, and it was nice to see him - not weird at all. His ex, DG's friend and "clicker," was also there, and I'm pretty sure I saw her a couple of times but can't be sure; I've only seen her "enhanced" pic on the web. I helped sell merch after the show and that was fun, too. I like being useful.

But the funniest part was before the show: Sheila made us two cucumber and cheese on pumpernickel sandwiches in the cab on the way over there from work, and we ate the sandwiches standing on the sidewalk outside the Empty Bottle, like a bad Ravinia midnight picnic. Bruce, the owner, was outside and he took a picture of us, so I emailed him to send it to me, but I haven't heard back yet.

Even though I am in hell of sickness today, it was a really fun night out and there were a LOT of cute guys there, proving that they exist. Only they were mostly with girls and/or had wedding rings on, but so what? AT LEAST THEY FUCKING EXIST.

And I only thought about DG a few times.

And I got a cool t-shirt. So there.

Ruff Day x 4

1
Lois bit a 5-year-old girl today. Even though she didn't break the skin, she did rip her dress and scare the crap out of her. I voluntarily called the police and the mother chose to file an "animal bite report." It took over an hour. Lois was super scared the whole time, but good. She'd been excited, we were waiting to cross the street into the park, (and I was on the phone, bad) and the girl and her mom walked up from behind us with the mother carrying two big bags and not watching the girl, and the girl's dress must have touched Lois or scared her. She's not into being snuck up on by anyone, especially small people. The police were great, and totally complimented Lois' manners and my responsible pet ownership (I had all the vaccines and tags — plus the fact that I called.)

I agreed to send them $50 for a new dress for the girl. That seems like a LOT for an ugly, old flannel dress, but whatever. It's just money. I'm more worried about how much the mother freaked, and how long the girl will have fear of dogs. I feel worst about that.

I thought it was over when the cops gave us the report number and we went our separate ways. But after Lois and I been home for couple hours, my doorbell rang, and it was an animal control officer, in uniform, who thankfully was also was very pro-Lois and cool about it. But he needed her official vaccination records, which, thank god, I found within about a minute in a pile on the couch. He said the woman shouldn't have filed a report because there was no skin broken, and that she should have known not to let a 5-year old walk up behind a dog. That made me feel a little better, but not great. I mean, Lois has a police record!!

2
Instead of going to the cajun dance lesson that would surely bum me out more, I took the little criminal and the ball and the Chuck-It to the awesome farther-away park, Winnemac, which isn't packed with kids, and we played and ran around, and went to the dog section, and this 11-month-old boxer kept annoying Lois (and the other dogs, actually - two other dogs tried to put him in line and left) and she BIT HIM in the cheek, and drew blood! Plus, in the struggle, the owner, Steve's, beer spilled all over him. This is all AFTER I had just told him about the earlier bite report. Uggggh.

I cried on the phone to my mom, today, too, and realized I'm not just dying to be in love, or to be happy just being me with someone (i.e., DG), but I really need a friend. Someone who'd come over and hang out on an afternoon like today and just be there for me (and Lois). Maybe not a lot of people have that, either, I don't know. I mean, it would be great to have that person also be a man I'm attracted to, but right now, I'd settle for a friend.

3 & 4
AND, I couldn't swim today, because I got my period right in the middle of teaching class number one of two. (Yes, wearing pale pink pants, too!) I had to go home after teaching and check (no damage), so I missed the awesome Sunday least-crowded-with-seniors lap hours, and I happened to check email to find that the guy formerly known as 'new guy' sent one saying he'd found someone and he wanted to pursue things with her. Which, though a bummer, was nice of him. He is a good guy, and actually I wasn't surprised. But it hearkened (is that a word?) back to DG, of course, and the "click" email, and it made me feel like I'm gonna always be that girl they have to break it off with to pursue things with "the one."

I also haven't heard from my supposed Wednesday date guy, M, either, and that is bummer-y on top of all this.

I *know* something great will happen for me, soon - it has to!

Cinco de mayo

Lois closely watching me shovel pea gravel through the fence. She wouldn't play with the dogs if I wasn't inside with her - she was guarding me.

Today is the first day this week I didn't swim, and I must say it makes me feel weird. But I did go to Puptown, the dog park, at 8am and work my ass off shoveling, sweeping and hauling pea gravel in a wheelbarrow for about 2 hours. It was a cleanup day for members and it was great. There were donut holes and coffee, and nice people and their nice dogs for Lois to play with. And I got a serious workout.


Lois in the tub being admired. Notice her panicked expression? She hates baths.

Then we went to Soggy Paws, the do-it-yourself dog washing place, and Lois had a really thorough, really long bath, complete with face wash, condition, and multiple treats, because all the people in the store thought a) she was super cute (which she is) and b) that she has a great name (which she does). And ICK: I've never seen so much of her hair come off - I think about four cups full.

We came home and I cleaned the apartment a bit, then Gary the plumber came over and fixed my clogged bathroom sink and tub, and then I did my toenails, and then I had date #1 with a new guy from the site, S.

It was good. He treated me to a lovely lunch/brunch at Andies, my favorite restaurant in my old neighborhood (and his idea), and then we went to my favorite bar in that neighborhood, Simon's, and had a drink and kept talking for a bit. Now, I'm headed to the laundromat if I can get my sh** together in time (they close at 9 so I gotta rush) and then to meet Sheila at the Dirty Found reading at the Hideout.

"New guy" hasn't called or replied to my last email this whole week, so I emailed again today just to say hi and see if he got my last message through the dating site. Even if we don't have a love connection, it'd be nice of him to write back. I dunno, I guess I'm old fashioned that way.

I'm gonna take pilates tomorrow morning, then teach art classes (not sure if I'm teaching one or two, which is a little annoying), and then go swimming. At night is the cajun dance lesson and band, which I'd like to go to but can't decide...

Because I am a total masochist...

Three of the monsters my 3-year-old class made today. How GREAT are they?

I wrote to him and invited him to the cajun dance band (remember, we had that fun cajun dance workshop?) playing this weekend. Twice. Then he wrote a very terse reply (even though he'd written in his last email that he hoped we could be friends) and, perhaps hastily, I wrote back that he was killing me.

(...because he is! What is he doing and how? He's like a voodoo king, poking things into my heart from the safety of his clean little apartment.)

I will be dead within a month at this rate. A slow, confused, and painful death. And you will all witness it. Lucky you!

ugggghh.

I promise for this to be over - just as soon as I can make it go away.

Samba, grilled cheese, and makeup

Sometimes, when I am pathetic and depressed and have no, um... receiver? for my feelings of extreme fondness and loss, I eat. My fluctuating weight over the years has been a testament to that. Other times, as in the recent anguish over dating guy, I *didn't* eat, but swam obsessively, and drank. (A newish coping mechanism I rather enjoy.) Other times, like right now, while yet another wave of sadness over that inexplicable, noncommunicative fella washes over me, I am taking classes. And, more important (more dangerous), buying things. Relentlessly.

I bought:
Three summer shirts (of course, now it is 41° again)
Two pairs of flip-flops (one for pool, one for wearing 'in public')
Clearance pink puma "running" shoes
Shampoo and conditioner
Placemats that match my plates
A blue terrycloth pool cover-up (wtf?!)
A cookbook of salads ($3.99)
Sunglasses for my cousin's new baby
Two greeting cards I will likely lose before sending
Two children's books for art class
Earrings I don't really need (but they were $5)
Brown capri-length sweat pants that are sorta funny-looking and gather at the bottom in a knit cuff-like thing...
$70 @ Walgreens for soap, deodorant, 2 kinds of foundation, an eyeliner, and lotion (that girly shit is EXPENSIVE! Holy crap!)
Nail growth stuff
A bouquet of flowers from Trader Joe's (see above, when I post the pic)

I am also taking a Ukulele class (started Monday), and Brazilian Dance (which literally kicked. my. ass. - tonight), and I made grilled cheese for myself for dinner. And walked Lois for 45 minutes.

I have swam (swum?) every day this week, including Sunday. I have taken Cardio Pilates. I am doing both Cardio Pilates and swimming tomorrow, and teaching three kids' art classes.

So, what am I doing wrong here?

NONE of these things are uplifting my dark mood!!

Food

Tonight, I served food at a soup kitchen on Chicago's far north side. It was so weird and good and fast (course I came late, too - work was horrible...horrible!) and I can't see why I wouldn't do it once a month with my cousin Andy's church group. He was so great to tell me about it and invite me.

I put the bread and the grapes or a banana onto the trays, assembly-line style, and pushed each tray out to the people delivering them to the clients as they came in. There was also meatloaf, chicken, rice, vegetables, salad, and two baked desserts on the tray.

It's the kind of place you don't even think about existing until a few minutes into being there. A soup kitchen. Serving 200+ meals every single day, quietly, out of a delapidated old storefront to all kinds of people, all ages and ways of dressing. And what about the people who work there all the time, too? It's a whole new world.

Here's the sorta good, crudely related news: I myself am eating again! The hellish work day today brought back the old stress-eating patterns and I ate the last 1/4 of a bag of doritos, a salad, a bunch of trail mix, and then a riblet and cottage cheese tonight. I wanted candy, but that'll have to wait.

[I am STILL, unbelievably, thinking about dating guy all too often, like all the time. Will it ever stop?! Jeez. I hope he's happy. I wish I could leave it at that thought, but my mind goes on and on.]

I have struck up conversations with a few lovely new guys on the same site, and, just as luck would have it, dating guy has inactivated his profile on that site, so I can happily browse and no longer have to look at him viewing my profile or just showing up in my home page as a possible match every time I log in.

Exercise: Swam today; still can't find my lock. Will have to search room and car, or, more likley, buy yet another damn $10 lock.

Putting off: cleaning bathroom, returning library books, writing thank you cards, emailing guys back, crocheting.