Running on empty

I found out today that I didn't get the new job/promotion at work. I wasn't expecting to, really; there is a woman at work, who's younger than me, has been there less years, but who's in the "clique" of some nasty fakeness that I thought was going to be gone from my workplace when my former boss (her best friend) left. But the more things change, the more they stay the same. She of course got the job.

I am still underpaid, and undervalued, and to be truthful, very disappointed in the powers that be. And maybe a little bit in myself for letting myself be - as I do in all of my bad relationships - taken advantage of for little to no return of support, respect, or happiness. I am so tired of giving it away.

Not much else to say. Just bummed and need to find ways to get some of the blessings of life to come my way. The hard reality tonight is that career, love, and family have all passed me by, although I have put out so much into the universe. Do I keep giving, more and more, with hopes of a different outcome? If not, what's the alternative?

Late night

Lois in the alley, after midnight.
For whatever slightly self-sabotaging reason, I'm up late tonight. Usually I'd be asleep at least a couple of hours ago, but the awesome thunderstorm combined with a double iced Americano from across the street after my running workout has kept me awake, online, and (though sorta tired) a little contemplative.

Yesterday was my excellent bike class but my teacher (whom I have sadly learned has a girlfriend) was sick - he thinks it's strep. So with the triathlon coming in 3 weeks, more or less, I get worried that I'll get sick or mess myself up. But I've gotten a lot done tonight, for me.

I made the lime custard part of the key lime/strawberry parfaits I'm bringing for a picnic and movie concert tomorrow night, and although it involved 15 grueling minutes of constant stirring over a double boiler in my steamy, non-air-conditioned kitchen, this dessert is going to be really good. Way better than the brownies.

(Seriously, they became a flat rock of coal. I can't bring myself to toss them because it's like art, especially with the fault line.)
I caught up with some correspondence, talked on phone to family, paid bills, revamped and reactivated one of my online dating profiles (I know, I know, but come on, it's summer! and it's been WAY too long!). I updated my (analog) date book and deleted stuff from my phone. Now I'm eating a very late "dinner" of ramen noodles and German licorice. I'll do pushups, shower, floss and sleep within a few minutes.

Ever since the memorial service Friday, I've felt a paradox - really positive and yet really bittersweet - about my life. On the one hand, I haven't achieved much of what I thought I'd have done by now, but on the other, I'm here, and I love where I am, and at 38 my life is still full of amazing possibilities.

Walking with Lois just now, at 1:30am, the air smelled so fresh - after a big summer downpour and a 93° day it's always pretty amazing - and there were bunnies out, and it was still and potent and we were the only ones moving in the whole neighborhood. It was beautiful. For those few moments, I knew how lucky I am to be alive, to have a chance at all of this, to witness everything around me. The other stuff? (Job, love life, money woes...) - matters, but all in perspective.

Friends, Bikes, Pierogies - a 3-state weekend

I gave J, G's 7-year-old son, my camera during the reception after the memorial service. Here's one of his brilliant shots - with step-grandmother P, the brave mom who lost her eldest daughter, and behind her, widowed son-in-law J and the miracle girl E on his shoulders, E is 4 and probably misses her mom more than anyone...
Thursday night I dropped Lois off at my parents' place and came home, went to see Dark Knight with a friend, and then Friday morning got up very early to ride to S's house, get on the bus, the el, then the O'Hare courtesy bus to get to the rent-a-car office by 8:45am, where S and I hitched a ride to Kalamazoo, MI for a memorial service for friend A's sister, who died at age 37 of breast cancer contracted in her 7th month of pregnancy with her first (only) daughter 5 years ago. It was an amazingly beautiful service, and the family was brave and articulate and wonderful, and the reception was warm and full of love. Her life, and her family's ongoing courage facing her tragic, untimely death was inspiring.

After the reception, A and G take a load off. S is on the left, with J (the photographer) behind her, and in the center is G's awesome mom, M, who drove us to and from Kzoo. She is wonderful.

When I got home I was too tired to go see a friend and a band I like play at the Hideout, and I went right to sleep.

This is also what you get when you give the camera to a 7-year-old. Actually, his pics are brilliant. I need to flickr all of them.
I was glad Lois was still with her "grandparents," because I woke up without the alarm the next morning just in time to ride out to the North Branch Trail (about a 35-minute, fast ride north and west) to do my biggest "brick" workout with the tri group so far. We biked 70 minutes on the trail, fast - and then (leaving our bikes with a coach) immediately ran for 20 minutes off the bike. Whew!

J and T with the World's Largest Pierogi

Then I rode home (another 45 minutes), quickly showered and got in an iGo car to visit with the parents, eat an amazing breakfast of waffles, eggs, bacon, and fruit salad, and get me and pooch home in time to be picked up by friends in a minivan and drive to nearby Whiting, Indiana for Pierogi Fest.

Welcome to Whiting, IN.
Which was crazy. It's a really small, depressed-economy town totally duded up for the weekend, and the food, mostly eastern European style, was rich and delicious, and the homemade signs were wonderful, and the craft row was hideously great.

This is the best craft booth, with shellacked fish hanging in various ways. Two in our group got these to take home. Note googlie (sp?) eyes.
I rode there with friends with two boys - J, 11 and T, 6 - and they were very funny. T didn't want to go at all on the way there, and was very grouchy and vocal about it, but in the way home he said wistfully, between slurps of a blue slushy drink, "I wish I didn't have to wait a whole year to go back to Pierogi Fest again..."

Ponies waiting to be ridden by the kiddos.
When I got home I realized I was out of dog food and raced on bike to the pet store to get some before they closed, got home, fed Lois, and put in some brownies for Sunday's picnic dinner. That was around 8pm. When I woke up in darkness, with the house reeking of burned oven, I realized I'd completely passed out from exhaustion and it was 1am. Those poor brownies never had a chance.

Under a tree for some shade and mental rest after we looked through the craft area.
Sunday I slept in til after 8 and walked with Lois, then took her to my parents place again for a leisurely walk around the Lincoln Park pond. It was a gorgeous day. We also had her nails trimmed, and she was bitten by a ferocious Golden Retriever tied to a tree outside of a Starbucks on the way to the iGo car. I couldn't find the owners - don't know what I'd do if I did - but it was scary. Lois totally cried out and rolled onto her side, squealing when I touched where the dog bit her. I couldn't find a break in the skin, though, so I haven't done anything. She is OK now.

Czech dancers at Pierogi Fest.
Then I hustled to make strawberry shortcake for a trip to a SW suburb to see an outdoor community theatre production of Oklahoma! with a friend of A's in it, and we ate a fabulous picnic dinner on the hill. A brought amazing fried chicken with honey dijon sauce, S made a black bean and corn salad and her delicious peanut noodle salad, and I made strawberry shortcake with blueberries and whipped cream. We drank wine, we had a candle, we supported a friend, we saw the weirdest "classic" musical. It was super great.

The ladies on our picnic, with Rodgers and Hammerstein's sorta creepy-plot debut musical in the background.
I didn't talk to any new guy Sunday. I sorta suck at that habit attempt. But I have been way more boy-crazy lately, wishing I had even a crush to think about or someone to talk to/flirt with/fantasize about ... maybe it'll work itself into some sort of action on my part. Who knows?

I just hope something happens sooner rather than later. Ahem.

God Bless The U.S. indeed. Pierogi fest, ladies and gentlemen.

Catch P if you can!

After my job interview, which went fantastically and they loved me, (but so sadly couldn't offer me enough money for the position), P and I met at Pastoral, a downtown wine and cheese shop, and had some delicious cheese-enhanced salads. Here's P and his friend D, who was shopping for picnic stuff.

Then P rented a bike - and we were off! It was great to catch up with him on a fabulous two-hour lakefront bike ride! But sometimes we had to yell to hear each other and that was especially funny if we were talking about things like sex when spandex-clad superbikers whizzed by.

We found that they're improving the path by the planetarium, and had to fight a little congestion with touristy types on the way back through this area... there were a bunch of folks going to see John Cougar Mellencamp who didn't seem to know what they were doing.

And as we cruised south of downtown, the path got much friendlier and MUCH less congested. Did I mention it was the most beautiful day of the summer?

We went to promontory point, a lovely peninsula into the lake at about 56th Street. If I ever get married, this would be a great place for it! (and everyone has to bike)!

P at the point

Crazy fellas playing in the super-high waves hitting the point.

Here's us with the very distant skyline in the background - it took a while and a lot of giggles to get the shot because I am slightly special needs in the camera department.

As the sun started setting when we turned back north, it was even prettier on the path. P kept hotdog-riding with no hands but I couldn't whip out the phone in time for a pic.

As we came back into the city, the views were still spectacular.

Then we made it back to check P's bike in just in time to catch the tail end of the Grant Park Symphony concert in Millennium Park

P and D again, with the stage in the background. The great lawn was packed with picnickers and music lovers.

The evening ended with a few impromptu songs by this group of Russian women - it was magical!

Draggin'

Tired, tired tired. I am gonna stop complaining about it but jeez - it's like I can't get enough sleep even now that I am sleeping great again.

We ran more hill repeats at Cricket Hill last night - my heart rate is recovering much better, but it still goes WAY up when I run. I could add more runs to my schedule, but just fitting in the other stuff is hard enough. Plus, I am feeling like being at least a little more social.

Today is a day off from work, which I'd planned to spend with Peter, but then I got a call for a job interview with the Park District, and I HAVE to go to that! It will be interesting. First, a bike workout, then rush home change and prep, and then interview downtown, and then meet Peter. No Great America, but that's the breaks.

Crossing my fingers on this one. Still haven't heard about the job at work, either, so we'll see!

Monday again...

Here's an awesome front parkway garden on my daily "bunnyland" walks down a favorite residential street in Chicago.
It's pouring out again and my computer bag (waterproof, supposedly - one of those fancy bikey Timbuk2 ones) is still drying out from Saturday's ride downtown and back. But I made it to work, damp, also with my giant swim bag, because today is a swim workout and I'm looking forward to it! With all the other training and the open water swims, I only get to my neglected pool once a week at most.

Last night I was supposed to meet friends at a rock show of my friend's awesome band The Thin Man, but they weren't starting til 10 (on a Sunday!), and after cooking a delicious shrimp/broccoli/mushroom alfredo w/whole wheat pasta, and eating it, I lost all steam. (I'd been up for a long, time, too, don't forget.)

Instead I watched the movie "The Year of the Dog" - it was a slow-moving, somewhat depressing, but really good film about the sad, changing life of a single 40-something woman whose dog dies. My friend M had told me a while ago not to see it, and I can appreciate his warning, but rented it because I wanted something "easy" to watch while I cleaned and folded clothes. It certainly wasn't that kind of movie. Lots of dogs in it though, which kept Lois barking at the screen every once in a while.

My uncle and aunt's dog Izzy. I'm using up a couple phone pics today.

How do people come to bring meaning to their lives? It was a very à propos film because I've been thinking about that theme a lot recently. Some people have it seemingly made - a life that's defined and rich and full of ideas that match what they spend their time doing, and others are in a constant search to find something, anything to make it all worthwhile. (For many that's kids - for better or worse.)

It's a continuum for sure, and I know that the folks I try to surround myself with are integrated people, who have something unique and authentic inside that drives them to be themselves and share it with the world. Because that's ultimately how I see myself. Trying to be a better person all the time, to do and be what is meaningful... to me, and to the people I can connect with in this life.

I think it's why I've eschewed some of my ambition, over the last five years or so, in the music business - it just doesn't appeal to my best self, and I'm already surrounded by the people in that world I enjoy anyway, on their own, so I don't have to push to be or have something more, like a fancy job or unlimited contacts. I think about this because in years past I would never have missed the Pitchfork festival - the chance to schmooze and network with all my friends and acquaintances backstage, etc., but this year there's other stuff going on, and it wasn't a priority. Months ago I'd emailed the organizer, who I've worked with in the past, about working the fest, and honestly I was glad when he didn't give me a job this year. Plus, there's the core: the music - and seeing a favorite band in a small club is SO much preferable to me, soundwise, crowdwise, weatherwise... It's why tonight I hope to make it to see the one band I would have enjoyed seeing at Pitchfork, though I may be too late because I have my bike class. We'll see. Check back - could be an awesome dance party!


In other news, my good friend P is in town from NY - yea! - and I'm taking a day off on Wednesday to celebrate and hang with him. We're looking into going to an amusement park (!!), which I haven't done in years, and would be SO FUN, but actually anything, even nothing, will be fun with him. (We've also discussed getting pedicures.)

My first race...

Last year's Women's Run finish line.
...was great! I got up late (left my phone in the living room...oops!) after dreaming I had missed it and it was 12:15. When I realized it was only 6:30, I took Lois out, got dressed, ate a protein bar, and pedaled fast to get there with only a few minutes to get my timing chip and get in line. It was a HUGE race - who knew? The weather was mild and about 75 when we started, but got really cloudy by the end. Just as I reached for the carnation they give you after the finish, I felt tiny drops of rain, just sprinkling my skin...it was perfect. I walked around getting all the schwaggy giveaways and rode home, took Lois to the park, and now am resting before a trip to the laundromat. Later this evening there's a triathlon meeting/workshop at the running store in Old Town, so that will be a nice bike ride and rev up to get back on the training track.

There were lots of boyfriends/husbands and families cheering runners on, which gave me some pangs of longing, but mainly it was great to do an event like that with a bunch of other women, and for me, and I felt fabulous. I ran well - not fast but steady, with good form, and stopped three times to walk and drop my heart rate to where I wanted it. I could've run harder/faster and not stopped, but I promised my coach I would follow his heart zone training suggestions for it and I did it. Afterward, I feel great and not wiped out, so his way was the right way!

I especially enjoyed (but not in a pervy way!) seeing all the other runners' bodies and running styles. Every woman is so different and beautiful. It was great peoplewatching - and I felt empowered and strong.

Now I have to just get faster, and get my heart in better shape for the triathlon. I want to get to a place where the whole triathlon feels like today did - pushing myself but not dying. I have just over one month to get there. Wish me luck!

It's been busy. *Updated with pics!*

Chuck D and Flava Flav, a bit blurry but totally sensational and always in motion, performing It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back from end to end, plus many of their other hits at Pitchfork. A blast.
1) Last week was rough - I really wasn't sleeping at all still, so I wasn't doing my triathlon training, and it was super hot at night, so I wasn't sleeping, and then it was raining in the times when I could have done training, so I hated myself, so I wasn't sleeping...etc.

The dance tent is pure joy in one space for 2 days. I can't tell you how amazingly fun it is to see so many people dancing...
2) Last weekend was the festival. It was great, as always, though interpersonal stuff can sometimes get in the way when you've worked on something for so long with the same person. As I've done for - is it 4 years?, I ran a jam-packed dance tent, sort of the second stage of the fest, and helped out backstage and emceed. Check out the flickr group for all the amazing pictures from lots of people - I'll put mine up soon, too. It's SUCH a fun festival. I realized I've been doing it for 10 years! Wow. I was up til 1am Sunday night closing down backstage (the diehards/drinkers were there til 4) and then back up and out at 6am Monday to check the field and return things to the school. I worked til 11am.
Awesome Aztec dancers prepping for their ceremony in the dance tent.
3) Then, the afternoon bbq/party for the fest was Monday. I cycled out to the pool and decided to stay more than an hour, so I had to ditch week two (outta 6! crap) of my awesome bike class. But it was OK. I came home and changed and then went out again to a free show of three friends' bands (missed the first one) and it was really great music and for the most part great people/many friends at the venue. I'm so glad I went out again, even though by the end of the night I was really running on empty!

The pool, with no kids allowed this one day, was a peaceful respite on Monday after the fest.
4) But then I had to teach (subbing) for the next three mornings, and that was pain-full. I still wasn't sleeping well and was exhausted, with the slurred speech, slow movements and blank expression to prove it. I am amazed all the parents in the earliest classes liked me so much - inside, I was a wreck! Autopilot must have kicked in.

Jack, who's 3, made this awesome drawing on Thursday. He said "it's a tiger with a crazy tail and one REALLY long claw," which started the best conversation amongst the other 3-year olds I've ever heard. I'll post it soon.
5) I interviewed for a new job at my organization on Wednesday afternoon. It's a teensy bit of a step up in title, a bit of just a change. I had to ride my bike straight from our other location to the main location after teaching art, change into interview clothes, and get mentally prepared in about 30 minutes. It went OK. I am sure I'll find out Monday. I have no expectations.

6) That night I almost died of exhaustion, but S. came to the rescue because her friend R was coming over to give massages to S and BA, and they asked if I wanted one. HELL YES. I missed the show I was supposed to go to that night, a work thing, but it was worth it. My body was so wound up from the past few weeks and the past months of training, that the massage literally gave me new life. I fell asleep in full clothing when I got home.

Eric from Sebadoh rockin the mic. Jason and Lou rockin behind him. I was behind the camera in a state of bliss.
7) Last night was day 1 of Pitchfork, a usually awesome indie music fest that I've attended whenever I can, and I had 3-day tickets this year too, but I decided to sell them and go only for one night. It was a great decision. I saw one of my favorite bands ever from the early 90s (a theme, I know), Sebadoh, and then Public Enemy. Plus I hung with friends at their booth in the sale area. The rest of the bands this weekend weren't super exciting for me so I am glad I opted to have some me time instead.

8) This morning I rode through the POURING rain - all the way downtown - to meet my training group at a specialty "multisport" (triathlon) store. We had a workshop on bike maintenance (another theme, yes?) for the triathlon (what to do if you get a flat in the race, etc.) and then I bought $100 more worth of equipment (bike computer, fenders, CO2 flat fix thingies, a holster thing...) at our group 20% discount. We were supposed to do an open-water swim also, but the weather sucks (thunderstorms off and on) and I just don't want to today - that would mean another bike ride downtown.

9) I finally got rid of the car today. I was going to have it towed to S's garage for one month while I tried to sell it for junk and/or sue the woman who hit me, but after paying tickets, and insurance, and other b.s. this whole time, I caved when the tow truck driver offered to buy it for $100 cash, without the title. He towed it away and honestly, even though I've lost so much money in the whole thing, I am instantly happier.

I got all verklempt when I realized what I had just done and ran to get my camera for this last picture. There in the distance on the right goes the first and only car I've ever owned - north up Lincoln Ave. on the back of a red towtruck to her final resting place... Thanks for 10-1/2 years!
10) Tomorrow is the women's 5K race I signed up for. I haven't run at all recently but I am gonna try it. If nothing else, it's a gorgeous bike ride to the lakefront and it's early enough (7:30am) to be a great start to my day that doesn't take over the whole day. I'm excited! I wish Lois could run with me. The shirt for the race is cool. I am laying out the stuff for the morning now.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog for this very important Public Service Announcement

The lovely and talented 2008 volunteer backstage hospitality crew at the Folk & Roots Fest! (pic by SJ)

TIPS FOR BEING BACKSTAGE AT A MUSIC SHOW OR EVENT:

1) Never enter the artist's green room (or tent if it's an outdoor festival) without permission AND without being invited by the artist.
2) NEVER, NEVER eat the artists' food unless invited or given permission by the artist. Even if given permission, be modest in your intake (like, one snack), and say thank you. Remember that you are in someone else's workspace - and you're not entitled to anything.
3) Same with beer. One or two free beers is polite.
4) If you do f--- up on the greedy intake of artist food and drink, at the VERY LEAST do not litter the area by leaving your used plates, cups, plasticware and napkins around! Volunteers get very upset cleaning up after loser starfuckers like you. They are there to help out and have fun, though, so they probably won't say anything to you but will instead curse you under their breath.
5) Do not overstay your welcome. If you are there with a band that's packing up to go, leave before they do, or with them. If you are not there with a band or musician, and you're not working, why are you backstage at all? is the question that comes to mind.
6) Do not enter the production office or tent without permission. Those neon-colored signs at eye level that say "ARTISTS" and "PRODUCTION STAFF" mean that if you are not either of those, you do not belong in that area. You can read, right?
7) If you happen to notice that you are the only ones backstage who are not workers, or performers, and no one is voluntarily talking to you, (unless you force them into awkward conversation) that is a REALLY good clue that you are NOT WELCOME there. You should probably go.
8) If you are backstage and you aren't doing anything, why not help those people clean up, or lift that cooler, or help unload that cart over there - anything. Make yourself useful and you will find that the volunteers might not count the minutes (or 10+ hours) of your stay as much. Even better, get out of the way entirely and let people do their jobs and have their space back.
9) Are you backstage at a nonprofit organization's major annual fundraising event? Did you forget that there are vendors selling beer and food who make their livings that way? Do you make more money than any of the 250 artists who work at the nonprofit organization, and who have to buy their own food at the event? If you are a multi-thousand-or-million-dollar donor to the organization, even you are not welcome backstage - but you can go to the hospitality/VIP area for the free drinks and food. It's a better view anyway. Again, if you're not a donor or sponsor, please go buy food for yourself and leave the donated food and beer for the performers and crew who put the event on, the folks who actually deserve it. I mean, come ON!
10) Are you even there to see the music or check out the event? Because, if that were the case, wouldn't you be out in the crowd watching the bands, enjoying it??
11) If/when you are politely asked to leave the backstage area after usurping space, patience, and resources that were never meant for you (for two straight days), please go away. Do not stick around and stare at people who are working. YOU WERE ASKED TO LEAVE. Get a clue.

Braindead - fine.

I tried to post a short video I shot of the band playing Brain Dead, one of my favorite songs of all time, but the file was too big. Here's a picture instead. (Thanks P!)
I actually went out last night! I saw a "reunion" show by a band I used to love a lot called Red Red Meat - two of the members are now in Califone, a band I also love. It was a FABULOUS show, a prep for their performance this weekend at the Sub Pop 20-year anniversary fest in Seattle. That would be great to go to...

Many friends were there, and it was great to see them all. It was my friend BA's birthday and she was in good form, and I met and talked to a new cute guy, but I forgot to say goodbye to him - oh well. I was good; I drank water all night! The weird part is that circa 1993, when I first heard the music they were playing, I didn't know any of the people that would have been in that room, or the band — but now I knew like 1/3 of the audience and 3/4ths of the band, which is...weird. It really took me on a head trip, because it's music from the heart of my anonymous and hopeful Iowa City-livin' indie-music-lovin' young self, not the jaded, old girl, still-single Chicago music scene diehard I've become.

Plus, WX was there (because he turns up at random things that you can't predict given his musical taste) and he was with a new gf, and that was, um, interesting information. As a friend remarked to me, somewhat surprised, when they saw the woman: "Wow - WX is a chubby chaser!"

And I guess it could be true. I don't know how I feel about that - being a part of that/any pattern. I'd never consider myself in that group, but this proves, after seeing the last few women he's been with, and ex pictures, I guess I'm one too. Yuck!!

My theory: probably that he feels most comfortable with women with low self-esteem (and thus weight issues) who won't go too far into finding/feeling they deserve someone of emotional substance — for awhile. And who don't notice how socially/self unaware he is. (Me included, before I broke up with him.) But damn. Quite a creepy revelation.

At least I can say that I'm better looking than his recent ladies. One guy friend said this poor new girl looks like a man (and it's somewhat true, actually)! See, my friends never liked WX so much, which is unfortunate, because I really liked him for a while there... but who am I to argue now?

ANyway, back to me: All that going out, being social, and then coming home at 1 and walking Lois and lying in bed thinking of everything I have to do for the festival this wknd kept me up til 4. 4!! And, I was up at 8 today. Yikes. When will I catch up on all of this? Plus, I'm behind by one big bike/run workout from Wednesday and I'm not sure when I can make it up since I am supposed to do another one today, the group workout Saturday and another long bike Sunday. I MISS JUST SWIMMING!!

All right

I need to be at work prepping for the 4 classes I teach back-to-back tomorrow in less than 5 hours, and I'm lying here absolutely not able to sleep. It's hot, I'm exhausted, and I have tried everything to get tired enough to sleep. EVERYthing, believe me.

So tired was I today, that I even decided not to do my brick workout and I cancelled seeing good friend D. from the Iowa City days and her daughter, in town from Wisconsin, because I am so pooped. I also did things like go to the store at 10pm and make a chocolate cakey thing and eat some of it (usually sugar puts me right out) and watched a movie (Antares, an interesting 2004 Austrian film of the intertwined stories variety - love those - that makes everyone in relationships look bad) and took Lois for a long, long walk. I did my nails, flossed, did my face stuff that I should do every night but usually don't, and even changed my sheets.

What is going on? I think I need to buy a third fan, for the window itself, though that means it'll blow right on me as I sleep, and block Lois's view. And I'd have to wear clothes to bed, then, because the curtains would be open...

That's it, I have to buy a damn fan tomorrow. Along with doing the million things I didn't do today. Totally f-ed.

Rest

Say hello to my new fancy triathlon top. This outfit is the final (? I hope) piece of the tri equipment puzzle - a super hi-tech top and black lycra shorts with a small amount of padding for the bike portion. You wear this combo ($130) under the wetsuit and strip down to it in the transition, then you ride your bike and run in it for the rest of the race. It's supposed to be really fast-drying and wicking and all that shit. I hope the bra doesn't stretch out when wet - running loose is not my favorite thing. But based on how smashed-in the girls look now, it shouldn't be a problem.

I slept OK last night but not great - it was hot when I finally got to bed after showering and walking poochie and eating and talking to my mom on the phone for an hour. I still felt on the verge of shitty today, so I called in sick. I can't risk being actually sick this weekend for the festival. I also have to do some laundry, plan my classes for tomorrow, and clean a bit, order a new car title, plus do a 50-minute "brick" (combo bike/run) workout today that will take at least an hour and a half, maybe more - getting to the trail, doing it, and getting home. So it's good that I'm not trying to be at work, too. My mind would explode worrying about getting to everything.

In other, good news, after our track workout last night (where there was a photographer, ugh), my coach gave a nutrition talk and explained that we will typically not lose weight but GAIN weight when in the training season, and that's normal! So my panic on the scale lately is unfounded. She went into all the details - tri training requires protein, fat, and carbs, and how dieting in training is really unhealthy and could do damage, and how hunger is normal and how we need to eat more often, and all this great news. I feel much better about my giant self.

Work

Note dark circles.
I had a rough night last night - it was super hot in my bedroom and I couldn't get to sleep - tossed 'n turned a lot, which is unlike me. So today I'm really, really tired. Plus I signed up for a 6-week bike maintenance class that starts tonight (6-10pm Mondays), and the triathlon training has gotten intense now. Today I have to do a swim (leaving for "lunch" in about 20 minutes) and then do a 30-min. strength workout at a later point, too, plus fitting work, Lois and getting to and from the bike shop in there somewhere. Maybe I'll lose weight just from not having any time to eat. That would be a silver lining!

I am truly exhausted, though, and if I still feel tired tomorrow, I might take Wednesday off to sleep. I just don't want to be here when I feel this whooped.

Hot in the City

Today was the first really hot day of the summer (and I have the sunburn to prove it). My friend S and I decided on the 4th to ride bikes out to the northwest suburb of Glenview, for my friend/coworker C's Sunday afternoon pool gathering - the first one I've been to this year. She and her husband own a lovely house with a GINORMOUS, perfect back yard and a fabulous pool. The best part is that they open it up for all of their friends to come and hang out alomst every Sunday in the summer. There is music playing, kids splashing, and people stream in from the city to swim, chat, hang out from 12-6pm. It's an amazing treat, especially for all of us who work with C. because we are all poor artsy urbanites.


We had a good, but HOT, ride out there. I met S at the train station (she took the train with her bike partway in both directions, but for me, according to Mapquest, it was about 15 miles each way - not bad!) Half of the trip is along a great paved bike path in a forest preserve called the North Branch Trail - the best place to bike in Chicago, if you ask me.


We saw a baby deer, and I got bitten/stung by an unknown insect, which made things interesting. The main thing about the ride, though, was that S. gets really overheated, and doesn't sweat, so she was a trooper - she still rode her ass off, though, and fast, and she's 10 years older than me, with a much heavier bike, so I was impressed.


Today was BBQ day at the pool, and that means everyone (who normally brings snacky food and cold beverages to eat, drink and share) stepped it up a notch and really brought out the good grub. And, it was Jimmy's 11th birthday, and his grandmother K (who I love) was in town from Wales, plus it's the weekend before our huge annual festival, which C. (the hostess) is in charge of, so it all combined to make today a truly great/positive-vibe day to be at the pool.


Since it was so hot and sunny, though, even our ride back really got to my friend S and as we got back into Chicago, we rode along looking for someplace where we could rest our sore asses, and find a cold drink and some shade. We even contemplated stopping at a Kmart just for the A/C, but then all of a sudden we saw a totally nondescript bar on Elston and I liked the name (the Sunny Day Tap), so I suggested we stop in. We got inside and it was sort of magic - this tiny dark Serbian restaurant/bar where no English was spoken, music was playing and a woman in black was cooking yummy-looking meaty Serbian things. The waitress made us the perfect drinks (pint-sized soda with a splash of cranberry and double lime twists) and there was (we think) creepy non-ironic Slobodan Milosovic paraphernalia all around.

The wetsuit post

This is my favorite neighborhood yard, decked out for the 4th. It's what I imagine a New Orleans yard to be like... there are sculptures, lamps, a fountain and furniture all hidden around.
Ok, first, in case you get confused later: My 4th of July was awesome. I slept in, took a long bike ride, bought a wetsuit, made strawberry shortcake, went to a party, watched fireworks on the roof, and then had a private show of SERIOUS illegal ought out the "Athena" large sized wetsuit, which sounded sorta funny and Wonder-Woman-y and Greek, but, somewhat thankfully, it was too big, so I settled on the non-athena large suit in sleeveless style. I bought it right then and there, on the credit card, and cancelled my Sunday haircut appointment at the salon, because now I'm $280 more in debt than I was before. But it was worth it.

The kids did what kids do in the basement.
See, at 7am today in the maybe 64° lake, I wore the suit for the first time at my Ohio Street beach group session, and swam a 1/2 mile in it, and it was totally great! I mean, lake swimming still is hard as hell, and I had to resort to breaststroke some of the time because it still seems impossible to see where I'm headed, plus there were some waves, but as far as personal comfort and feeling like I could breathe, and that I could possibly complete the swim in the event, etc., this was a hundred times better than the other suit. I know it'll just get better if I keep practicing in the open water. Plus, this suit packs neatly into a little mesh bag and is easy to bike the 14 miles with.

The food was awesome, as always, and there were some thematic desserts besides mine!
Then today I went to the awesome community bike shop for open shop (my first time at an open shop - I was nervous!) and fixed the horrible squeaking from the deraiileur that my bike did yesterday and fixed the seat and oiled everything, and replaced the quick-release thingies on my tires with new, permanent ones. My bike is like supercharged and perfect right now.

There was even an awesome jam session in the front room. So lovely!
I practically sailed home on my rockin' bike, but stopped in at two - yes two - different Targets to look for these awesome running socks I bought last month that I want another 2-pack of - and although neither Target had the socks anymore, I managed to make it out of BOTH STORES without buying a single thing. I am extremely proud of myself.

Then we went on the roof to watch the illegal fireworks all around R's house!
And, to top it off, all that wetsuit-tryin-on made me realize how huge I am, and that I need to crank the training up a notch and lose some of the extra weight, so I impulsively signed up for a 5K race (my first race/event ever!) that's in 2 weeks. So I'll be adding some runs in this week, that's for sure.


Now it's not even 10pm and I'm so tired from biking all over creation and swimming at dawn that I'm going to sleep. Goodnight!