new year, old crap

Every day, I read the Chicago Tribune online, and the other day I found this column with a fill-in-the-blank self-survery about how your 2005 was, and it's really good, and I highly recommend doing it, but now I am depressed. I think there should be resolution-related depression hotlines that become available this time of year.

Because, you see, I am GREAT at self-reflection. I am a champ at thinking of excellent, thoughtful resolutions. It's just - well - all downhill from there. So doing the survey was a good exercise until I realized I just have no motivation or follow-through, so my positive answers were not as easy to come up with as my negative ones.

My resolutions from last year were long, there are 13 of them, and they were written obliquely. I think I was trying to use positive language:
2004
1) Crunches and productive morning time (translation: a friend suggested we just do 100 crunches a day every day. Also to make better use of my morning time before work at home because I usually just laid in bed til the last possible minute then rushed to work.)
2) De-clutter work, bedroom and computer
3) Enjoy and share good feelings and thoughts (translation: don't be so negative, and speak up if you're happy)
4) Be open, available, yet selective (Jesus. Translation: get off your ass and find a boyfriend but don't fall for the assholes again out of desperation)
5) Early prep vs. late stress. (Translation: don't procrastinate)
6) Home is haven (Translation: clean it regularly)
7) Family time (Translation: make and enjoy time with the family)
8) Work "hygeine" (I heard this term for your daily routines and habits at work - calling people back, keeping clear records, cleaning and filing - taking time to do this stuff well, so you feel and seem on top of things.)
9) Conscientious and intentional (Holy crap. That one was about living better and not letting life happen to me in order of demands, as I usually do.)
10) Teeth (Translation: brush, floss, and generally take care of my chompers. I must have had a lot of dental work done in 2004.)
11) Out of debt, conscious spending (Translation: pay shit off, live on a budget, and don't buy things you don't need)
12) Health to heart (Be healthy and do it because you want to)
13) Don't be scared! (Translation: Look for a job and a boyfriend already! Take risks!)

So, although those were excellent and complicated but important things to resolve to do with my life in 2005, this year I think I'll just have one, single resolution: To get rid of my crap. That's right, just: GET. RID. OF. MY. CRAP. I need to also make a renewed effort at my job, and find a new job, and - shit! I really need to find a man, and lose about 40 pounds. but actually the only important one that I can actually do all by myself and which will improve my life by leaps and bounds is get rid of my shit.

If you're wondering, I did do some of those from last year, though - I did get better at work and I really tightened the purse strings and started paying debt down. But then Christmas came and I rang it up again. Oh well; I know I can live on nearly nothing now, so I will keep pluggin' away at that one. Also I went to the dentist 2 weeks ago and had no cavities or gum problems. Woohoo! Yea for me. Still no man though, and still pretty scared of all that. We'll see.