When Lois and I take our nighttime walks, these trees are just gorgeous. They're in full bloom right now. They smell incredible, too.
The thing about a blog is that it can function as a journal or as some sort of glamorized, exhibitionist record of a life - and since I don't journal (yet?), I fear that my blog serves as a (pathetic many times, but) "highlights" version of my pretty confused and unglamorous existence. So much is always in my head that the facts of activities seem more prominent in the blog, and are more readable, but if I told the truth, it would be that 95% of my time is spent alone, feeling alone, and trying (many times failing) to think in ways that will motivate me to do positive things for myself. It's always an uphill battle.
And I still think of DG all too often. (I wonder, idly, if he ever thinks of me?) I've seen him a lot lately, which could account for all of the emotional space he seems to be taking up. While with Spencer on stroller duty Saturday, I saw him walk by, then his car was in the laundromat again on Sunday, (even earlier, when I went by with Lois on our walk) and then I saw him walking down the street from the grocery store yesterday evening. I always pretend I don't see him, but that's difficult for me. And it makes me feel bad and confused and sorta shaky. So I decided that the next time I see him, I'm just gonna say hey, and smile. Because no matter what happened there, I did really think he was a possible love of my life contender, and it can't possibly be good to ignore him.
I have been randomly posting on the internet for people to do things with - jogging, tennis, friends. Seriously. I need a few more friends, and I think having a straight guy around might help me bit. It's weird to be this needy. Plus the dating sites are just useless. Not one's contacted me in a couple of months, and I've left my profiles up.
Exercise update: Ran/walked a bit again Sunday night all the way to Andersonville Midsommarfest (2-1/2 miles?) from my house with Lois. Swam today. Took Cardio Pilates. Rode bike. Running tomorrow after work with total stranger.
See, nothing glamorous here...
2 comments:
It still sounds way more glamorous than my life, but that's probably because you're a lot more outgoing than I am. I'm such a homebody.
I hope you find what you're looking for.
(I do too! Thanks.)
I beg to differ - you are the life of most parties. Come on, you can talk to anyone!
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