Back - with a vengeance

This is my butt. And here is a funny story: Yesterday afternoon, a woman I work with occasionally, an outreach teacher who is an African and Afro-Brazilian dancer (African-American herself, probably a few years older than me) was at the School, and she pulled me aside in the lobby, saying "Sarah! Sarah! Come here - I have to tell you something!!" She then exclaimed, very enthusiastically: "You have a big butt!" (To this I looked horrified, I am sure.) She continued, "No, no, it's a good thing, girl - you got some nice 'guh-dunk guh-dunk' going on!!"

Now I know this was a compliment, but guh-dunk guh-dunk! How crazy is that?!

Despite my miraculous weight-loss week and my spectacular ass, the depression is back in FULL force today, probably from speaking with my sister-in-law about the dating guy situation. She just called to invite me and him to a barbecue at their house today, and she and my brother have been on vacation for a week. I had to decline and explain.

I did my best yesterday afternoon to drink away my sorrows again with my coworkers - it was a gorgeous day and we took our Friday 4:30pm "Beer O'Clock" thing up to the roof - for the first time in maybe a couple years. It was super fun. (The development guy who is normally mild-mannered actually threw a bag of pretzels at some other people across the building divide. It was hilarious!) My plan then was to go to Honky Tonk Happy Hour w/The Hoyle Brothers at the Empty Bottle, and continue my drinking approach, but I didn't make it. The drive on Western Ave. can be a little tedious if you don't get going right at 5:00. I took Lois to the dog beach instead.


Krissy and Sharon on the other roof. Thrown pretzels to the lower right.

Then Tina did her best to fight away the depression by taking me to Hala Kahiki last night - we drank foofy drinks out of coconuts, shopped in the gift shop, and talked shit about everything. But, it just didn't work - I mean, I had fun with her and I felt better while I was tipsy - MUCH better, actually, but then today? The same nonfunctioning numbness I've had all week is right here with me.

Saturday is especially tough because a) he would call me on Saturdays right before b) Kojak comes on and c) we usually do something on Sat. nights. I just put in a videotape and hit record for Kojak this week; I don't think I can bear watching it til I feel better.

I have so, so, so much of my own stuff to "get into," as Churlita suggested, but what is missing is the WILL to do that; the motivation. I also have to work today a lot and that is not fun. I'd rather go swimming. Or go back in time.

I do know the logical things to do. It's just doing ANYTHING that seems impossible right now...